November 13, 2002
(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, I have feel that I have not been moving forward, and haven't put enough effort into Fa-rectification. I looked inward, but failed to find the cause. I knew I should study more of the Fa, but always felt sleepy when studying the Fa. Most recently, through conflicts with family and at work, many of my attachments were exposed, including pursuit of comfort, selfishness, the competitive mentality, the pursuit of fame and self interest, and jealousy. I was shocked at finding these attachments. I asked myself, while Fa-rectification has proceeded to this stage, why do I still have so many attachments that keep me from moving forward? I know I need to get rid of these bad attachments, that I must study the Fa and send righteous thoughts more often. But I would fall asleep when studying the Fa, and could not concentrate when sending forth righteous thoughts. Moreover, due to interference from all sorts of thoughts, I was unable to calm down when doing the exercises. This situation made me suffer agony, depression, and emotional instability, which in turn made things worse.
One day during meditation, however, I suddenly realized that I had let these bad thoughts interfere with and control me, and wondered why. Are these bad thoughts me, and where had they come from? I clearly understood the bad thoughts were not me. The evil old forces take advantage of the few human mentalities left by Dafa disciples that keep us living in everyday society. By strengthening and enlarging them, the evil old forces use them to delude us, and confuse us as if they are indeed our own thoughts. By interfering with us, they make us run into a vicious circle, unable to get out. Upon understanding this, my mind suddenly cleared. I immediately wrote down the above experience to unveil the viciousness. By exposing the evil in front of Dafa disciples, all of us can clearly see the reality of its madness towards the end. By realizing its vicious nature, we will no longer be perplexed by the evil, and it will have no place to hide.
Above are my personal understandings. Fellow practitioners please kindly point out anything improper, and we can improve together.