Before learning Falun Gong, I had a really bad temper. I was very short fused, and often made a big deal out of trivial issues. I tried to nit-pick with my wife, threatening suicide. I liked to break things when I had a tantrum, and I felt quite exhilarated afterwards. My fits of rage often scared my kids, and agonized my wife to the point of crying. My family was on the brink of breaking up. Away from home, I was the one who had to have the last word. I was crazy about money, and would fight to the last penny. I wouldn't mind going to jail for the right money. I was extremely jealous. Due to my own bad temperament, I suffered poor health with numerous illnesses such as migraine headache, low blood pressure, bronchitis, and a slipped disk in my lower back bone that pressed against the nerves of my legs (doctors diagnosis from the 3rd city hospital available). I could not even manage myself if it flared up, to the point that I could not even turn over in bed. I was suffering beyond words. I often felt that I would rather die instead of living in such anguish.
One incident finally caused me to give up all hope. Some hoodlums and deputies of the County Police conspired to swindle 50,000 Yuan out of me in a business deal. They even threw me in the County Detention Center for 15 days. Even the jail guard was angry about this conspiracy, and urged me to file a lawsuit against the police after I got out. I traveled far to file my lawsuit paper to the Director of Public Security. Yet, the director told me, "Even if they are convicted, you won't get your money back." I had no place to file my complaint even though I was in the right. I had no place to appeal even though I had been wrongly accused. From this point on the ones that I hated most were the police. It has been said, "Ten years are not a long wait for a gentleman seeking his revenge." I thought about buying a gun. I would take revenge and kill these vile individuals fattened by the blood and sweat of people. I would get rid of these ruffians for the people. That was the one and only thought then on my mind.
While I was looking for guns all over the place, I was fortunate to come upon Master Li's book Zhuan Falun. I read the book from cover to cover in one pass, and realized why we live as humans, and how to live as a human. Today, mankind's philosophy is built upon self-serving and self-interest. Everyone has sinned while lost in the labyrinth. If you mistreat me, I will treat you even worse. People would kill over trivial issues. I finally understood the principle of "good meets with good, and evil meets with due retribution," and "One will pay for one's misdeeds." Master Li said, "Many people just live to prove their point or save face and will hang themselves when they cannot deal with things anymore." (from Zhuan Falun, Lecture Nine) I was like a balloon with all its air let out. My criminal intention to kill for revenge was totally uprooted and dispersed. It was Master Li who saved me from this potential catastrophe in my life. The outcome would have been unthinkable.
Ever since I have practiced Falun Dafa, my explosive temper has disappeared, together with my jealousy. My lower back pain and headache are miraculously gone, just like other illnesses. I did not need one pill due to sickness. My body is in good health. My family life is much more auspicious and perfectly satisfactory. Gone are the sounds of argument and squabble. My cultivation still has a long way to go. When others hurt my feelings, I still cannot quite be at ease with them; sometimes I will still be mad inside myself. Master Li said, "Ren (Forbearance) is the key to improve one's Xinxing. To endure with hatred, grievances or tears is the Ren of an ordinary person who is attached to his misgivings. To bear without any hatred or grievances at all is the Ren of a practitioner." ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?," from Essentials for Further Advances)I could do much more to improve on my Ren, and I was much too far from the level of Master's requirement. But at least I could control myself not to hurt others, and not to fight with others.
I could see the vast difference in myself before and after cultivation practice. It is Falun Dafa that transformed me, allowed me to see the hope and glory. Master Li has taught us how to build an unselfish, considerate, righteous attitude through cultivation. One should return to one's original, true self.
This is why all over the country, Falun Dafa practitioners are adopting various means to clarify the truth, suffocate the evil, and be resolute about their faith. They are willing to face the tremendous pressure, risking their lives and careers to step forward. Many of them have been imprisoned without reason, and many have suffered atrocious tortures. They are facing and braving everything based on the principle of "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance." My fellow practitioners are telling people in this world through their own self-less and fear-less conduct that Falun Dafa is the Fa of the highest virtue, and of the ultimate truth.
A Chinese practitioner
April 7, 2001
(Original: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2001/4/13/6978.html )
Category: Improving Oneself
