October 26, 2003
(Clearwisdom.net) In the past few years since I began to practice Falun Dafa, my life has been very smooth in all aspects. I benefited a lot from Falun Dafa, including being in good health, getting along with others well, having sound financial income, constantly helping and inspiring fellow practitioners to upgrade themselves, and any of my wishes that were helpful to Fa validation were fulfilled quickly. At every stage, I was able to experience from the heart the wonderfulness brought out by Dafa, which is hard to describe in words.
However, I did not cherish them. Moreover, without me noticing it, I gradually developed the attachments of seeking comfort, being overly happy, showing off, etc. because I did not truly give up my self and personal views to study the Fa. Unaware of when it started, I treated all of it as being natural. Little by little, I started to enjoy these smoothness and wonderfulness in my daily life, and even occasionally showed them off to fellow practitioners.
Recently, I did not do well on an important issue at the crucial moment. I was seriously taken advantage of by the evil, and it was very painful to me. It happened all of sudden and had a big impact on my heart, forcing me to re-evaluate myself. I found there existed many problems and omissions in myself that I had to face and remove one by one.
I found I was not rational and did not set a good foundation during daily cultivation. I was often in a joyful mood, quietly feeling delighted whenever thinking of interesting things in my life. Yet, I did not detect this and nourished the attachment of being overly happy. When I encountered a problem, I still kept with me these irrational things, and did not stay focused. The lesson was big. I had always enjoyed the goodness and happiness that could be obtained in the human realm, and did not take advantage of favorable conditions to cultivate more diligently and do better.
I felt I was walking on the edge of a cliff and any negligence would make me fall into a deep valley. Cultivation is a serious matter, yet I treated it as a child's play. I calmed down to examine how much effort I truly put into the Fa. I realized that I did not put Dafa as the first priority, but instead placed my personal goals and benefits first.
A fellow practitioner reminded me by saying, "Your situation is contrarily good. You assign duties to us and then go home to sleep." For a long period, I seldom kept sending forth righteous thoughts the four times each day in accordance with Dafa practitioners all over the world. I once made a suggestion to other practitioners that we should do the exercises each morning just like what the Mainland practitioners did in the past. Half a year has passed after my suggestion, yet I did not live up to the suggestion once.
When the practitioners from Mainland China were risking their lives and doing their best to step forward to validate the Fa, I spent my energy on how to live a better life, how to cook better food, and how to validate the Fa more smoothly. Things that I could do today were postponed until tomorrow or later. I spent all of my time clarifying the facts with strangers but ignored close friends and family members, since I found it hard to clarify the facts to close people and did not want to face and resolve it, trying to avoid it all the time.
Every aspect indicated that I had fundamental problems. I was still with Dafa, still validating the Fa and still requiring myself to get rid of attachments. But behind all of these there was a hidden attachment: I wanted to obtain all the gains and benefits in the human realm while cultivating and upgrading myself. I wanted to study the Fa well in order to reduce loss and persecution. I wanted not to be eliminated by the future, and I wanted to attain personal success and my personal goal of how to validate the Fa.
In plain words, all of these were rooted in selfishness. I saw that each of my thoughts and notion contained selfishness. To completely eliminate this, I must resolve the fundamental issue. In fact, I cherished myself more than I cherished Dafa. This was not being responsible to myself, and not respectful to Dafa and to our Honorable Master. I have been taking from the Fa but have not been consistently contributing to the Fa. My mind was very dirty. In fact, it was exploiting Dafa and playing games with Master's benevolence.
I was shocked when I sorted all these out. All the problems that I had found and pointed out in fellow practitioners existed within myself. Yet, I had not been aware of this. In fact, close fellow practitioners are like a mirror that can reflect my shortcomings. However, I never looked at myself, not looked inward but always outward. In fact, I did not stay concentrated on cultivation. This time I found a filthy selfishness, a selfish and degenerated individual. I felt very bad. I then realized that I should not live in sorrow and regret, and I should be firm on my future path. No matter how badly I had done in the past, I should face it today and not accept its continued existence. I realized I must strengthen my confidence in removing all my fundamental problems, correct my position and do better.
Indeed, having obtained such a precious great universal law, holding this glorious title of "Dafa Practitioner," I should do the most glorious work with a devout and pure heart, be responsible to myself, to sentient beings and to the future of the universe.
