February 18, 2003

(Clearwisdom.net)

At a certain point in my cultivation I would often feel itchy all over my body during the night. I would not be able to sleep properly and would be sleepy during the day. This affected my normal work life, Fa-study, exercises, and truth-clarification activities. I realized that this was happening to me because of interference by the old forces -- the itching would stop as soon as I got up to study the Fa, to send forth righteous thoughts or to do the exercises.

After some time, this condition reappeared. I thought it would go away as long as I kept studying the Fa, doing my exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. But this time it didn't work. Later I realized that the reason I was studying the Fa, doing exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts was because I had the intention of improving my health. This was a manifestation of my selfishness. Precisely because of my selfishness my health did not improve as it had the other time.

Teacher teaches us to cultivate "selflessness and altruism." (Essentials for Further Advancement) This experience helped me to realize more deeply how serious cultivation is. Doing the same thing with different intentions can bring about different results. As Teacher has said, "Good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought." (Zhuan Falun)