(Clearwisdom.net) My name is Wang Liren. I am 52 years old, and I am a Falun Dafa practitioner who started practicing Falun Dafa in 1995. On January 31, 2003, I was arrested when distributing truth-clarification materials telling about the persecution of Falun Dafa. In the police station, they cuffed my hands and feet to a metal chair and punched my head with their fists. The police van driver used an electric heater to scorch my face. After being tortured for one day and one night, I was sent to the Administrative Detention Center in the Shenyang City Police Department, where I was kept for 37 days. Then I was transferred to Zhangshi Forced Labor Camp, Xinshou Division, in Shenyang City.

At the labor camp I was forced to sit for a long time every day from early morning until after midnight, about 20 hours a day. In addition, I had to sit straight with my legs crossed. I was also not allowed to move even a little bit; otherwise the head inmate would hit me with a wooden board. Even the times for meals and using the bathroom were extremely short. After about one month, my bottom and ankles were all worn out. I could no longer continue sitting, but lay down on the floor. A police guard surnamed Cao ordered two inmates to force me to sit up. They also punched me in the face. It was even worse in the evening. At that time, several pieces of window glass were broken and missing, and the weather was very cold. Moreover, the police guard turned on a fan every day to circulate the cold air. I had no blankets, nor did I have on much clothing. As soon as I laid down, it was so cold that I shivered all over and had to curl up to try to stay warm, and still could not go to sleep. As a result, even the 3 or 4 hours of sleep I was allowed every day were also taken from me. Due to the extremely cold temperature, both my legs were damaged and could not bend normally. My health condition was very poor. Forty days later, I was sent to the Special Division of Zhangshi Forced Labor Camp (only Falun Gong practitioners were detained there).

Right after I arrived there, the division head instigated the collaborators [former Falun Gong practitioners who have been brainwashed by police and now assist the police in trying to brainwash others] to take turns trying to brainwash me. This continued until 2 a.m. every day. Later, I was totally deprived of sleep. After more than 10 days, seeing me still not yielding, the Political Head, Song Baishun, came to have a talk with me. Unable to achieve the result he desired, Song then coerced the inmates to torture me.

At the beginning, the inmates forced me to squat with many thumbtacks placed under my bottom. They also wrote Teacher Li's name on the floor and forced me to half-squat and half-stand while stretching both arms backward [a cruel torture position intended to cause excruciating pain]. The inmates said, "Hurry up and get 'transformed' [accept brainwashing]. Otherwise, all of us will have our terms extended by three months." Seeing no response from me, five or six of them rushed at me and started to beat me savagely. One heavy-set inmate sat on me and hit me hard on the back of my head. The others kicked my waist and legs forcefully. They also stepped on my hands, twisting their feet back and forth, and ground my hands into the floor. While doing all this, they said, "So far we have treated you gently. Later, we will stick a toothbrush into your anus and brush back and forth. You cannot tolerate that." In this way, they tortured me for a very long time and did not stop even when I was hurt so badly that I could not get to the bed.

After being tortured like this several times, I was scared. Under the pressure, I yielded. They immediately forced me to write the "Three Statements" [Practitioners are coerced under brainwashing and torture to write these as proof that they have given up their belief. Created by the "610 Office,"* the three statements consist of a letter of repentance, a guarantee to never again practice Falun Gong, and a list of names and addresses of all family members, friends and acquaintances who are practitioners]. While holding the pen in my hand, I truly sensed the feeling of my "heart bleeding."

Under the beatings and pressure, I was not strong enough to insist on the truth, but instead slandered Teacher, who not only gave me a second life but also re-forged my spirit. My heart was trembling, and my hands were shaking. They brought a sample for me to copy and kicked my legs hard. My mind was empty, and I do not know how I stepped out of that bloody room.

They did not stop there. What followed was more brutal spiritual persecution. At the beginning, they forced me to write articles to defame Teacher and Dafa again and again. Then, they forced me to watch videotapes that slandered Teacher and Dafa all day long. They also forced me to read aloud the materials that defamed Teacher and Dafa. Every vicious word in it cut me like a sword, causing me extreme pain.

Every time I wrote an article to defame Dafa, my heart felt terrible. I was worried, helpless, sad, and depressed. These feelings occupied my whole mind and body. My mind almost collapsed. For many days, I was hoping to die immediately.

The endless torture made my physical body very weak. Not only did much of my hair turn gray, it also fell out. When I was walking, I felt dizzy and very tired. Meanwhile, the feelings of regret and self-blame became heavier and heavier. I knew that what I had learned was the Buddha Fa, the Truth, but I yielded because of not being able to bear the brutal torture. How sad and shameful it was!

Being a coward made me act against my conscience and defame our respectful Teacher. How could I forget it was Teacher who had benevolently helped me when I was in life-threatening despair? How could I forget it was Teacher who had given me the best answer to my questions about life that I had asked for years? It was Teacher who changed me from a cynical person to someone who was optimistic and responsible. But I instead was betraying Teacher!

The endless mental abuse made me feel hopeless, especially after I was sent to Zhangshi Forced Labor Camp. Every day, I could see practitioners being tortured inhumanly. At the beginning, I felt bad upon seeing practitioners being beaten. The collaborators also gave me a hard time for helping practitioners. Later, I found myself more and more indifferent, no matter what happened.

Little by little, I changed back into a cynical person. I then started to make fun of the collaborators or just chat with them to kill time. In this way, I was hoping to reduce the deep sorrow in my heart.

I was thus falling down unwittingly. Later, I began to realize that behaving this way is not even being responsible for myself and it is against Dafa. I corrected myself in time. I came to realize that the reason why they tortured me so brutally was because they did not want me to be a good person but instead wanted to destroy me.

Since then, I kept reminding myself: although I once defamed Teacher and committed sins, I should not destroy myself in despair. I need to keep Teacher's words in my heart and discipline myself all the time to be a good person. In this way, with extremely weak health and a wounded heart, I spent more than 500 harrowing days and nights in Zhangshi Forced Labor Camp.

I still want to be a Dafa disciple!

Wang Liren

* The "610 Office" is an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over each level of administration in the Party and all other political and judiciary systems.