(Clearwisdom.net)

Part 1: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2005/11/11/66752.html

The concept of "coordinator" is so remote to me. I deeply know my personality and character, and I thought it would do everyone good if I would just do my "technical project" well and keep away from the coordination work. Teacher has talked about coordinators many times in his Fa-lectures, and I understand the importance of the roles they play in Fa rectification. If a coordinator cannot get practitioners to work together as one body in validating the Fa in every environment, then he or she is better off being an ordinary practitioner. Having the above mentality, I never thought about becoming a coordinator. However, the several practitioners around me were all coordinators. They tried their best every day and corrected themselves through conflicts, yet there were still many dilemmas, and even some rumors. Of course, regarding to personal cultivation, one should unconditionally search inside when conflicts occur. The responsibilities and pressure that comes with coordination work intimidated me. However, when I saw how the coordinators suffered and were sometimes misunderstood by other practitioners when trying to take everything into consideration when practitioners had different opinions, I could not help but assisting them in their work. Gradually, I participated in many coordination activities without realizing it. Later on, I found that my sense of responsibility was merely a kind of gut feeling.

This lasted until one day, I studied the following words:

The reason I did not want to be a coordinator was: I didn't want to give more. I simply watched other practitioners taking the huge pressure and did nothing. Sometimes, when my notions were touched, I even said cold words that begin with "You coordinators..." I was creating separations, knowingly or unknowingly. What is coordination anyway? It's just connecting every practitioner so we can form one body, so that as one entity, we can improve and keep up with the Fa rectification process.

I suddenly enlightened to a new principle: coordination has to do with every practitioner, because no Fa rectification work is isolated and requires the coordination of practitioners. Coordination is necessary even between two practitioners. As I studied the Fa more, I realized that coordination is directly related to every practitioner. In Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference, Teacher said,

If we could not coordinate well, then sentient beings will be affected. I started to think about the matter, and later on, truly realized that every practitioner is a coordinator. Why did I think coordination work had nothing to do with me? It is because I did not want to face my responsibilities; I wanted to avoid troubles and conflicts; I wanted to protect my human notions from being touched; and I was afraid of being held responsible if I didn't do a good job. To be brief, I could not let go of my self.

As my understandings of coordination work progressed from gut feelings to a rational understanding, the capacity of my heart became bigger. I could think more about the whole body of practitioners as opposed to my own project when dealing with things. It was unlike before, when I positioned my self outside the circle and pointed out the problems of the "one body." Now, I put myself inside the "one body" and quietly help to repair things when I discover shortcomings.

This fundamental change gave me a sense of responsibility. I took initiative in coordinating with others to do things that I had been reluctant to do. Coordination is not the job of just the coordinators. A coordinator brings up an idea, and everyone else helps to do the work together. In the technical work that I do, there is also a need for coordination, so I tried my best to act as a coordinator. When I no longer tried to avoid the name "coordinator," practitioners around me stopped mentioning it. I realized that what had happened before might have been created by my state of mind.

The Human World is Not a Recreation Ground Created for the Evil to Display Its Viciousness

Since 1999, I've had many unforgettable memories. Of a small group of six practitioners (including myself) who went to Beijing to validate the Fa, three have been tortured to death. Practitioners who worked together with me for over two years were brutally tortured. Yesterday we were sharing experiences, and today they are in jail. On Minghui net (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net), reports appear daily about practitioners being arrested and jailed and materials production sites being destroyed. The experience-sharing articles that contain lessons learned the hard way are continuous reminders that I have to walk my path righteously. I require myself to study the Fa with a calm mind every day.

My purpose of cultivation changed to "protecting myself from persecution!" The shadow of persecution found its way into my thinking without my being aware of it. I did not realize that I was still cultivating within the arrangements of the old forces. From time to time, I even acknowledged the persecution. This mentality manifested itself most clearly whenever persecution happened to a practitioner near to me. My first thought in those situations was: "That practitioner must have some attachments that were used as an excuse by the evil." I then searched within myself for similar problems. Under this mentality, the old forces found their place within our dimension and found excuses to persecute practitioners.

Bearing the notion above, I kept doing Fa rectification work day after day with an unknown sense of pressure in my heart. I kept asking myself: "Is our goal of cultivation merely to avoid persecution? Then are we not clear about the true purpose of coming to this world? To follow Teacher in the Fa rectification and save sentient beings?" Teacher said,

When I was clear about the issue, the pressure in my heart vanished instantly, and I felt the bliss of validating the Fa.

Teacher said,

Why is it that I did not experience the sense of glory, but instead, all I could see was persecution? It was because I did not follow Dafa completely and failed to negate the existence of the old forces, and I even helped them. Since I became clear on the principle, the first thought I have when I learn about persecution of practitioners is "firmly negate the persecution by the old forces and support my fellow practitioners with righteous thoughts, so that they can walk out of the dens of evil."

As my understandings of the Fa became clearer, I had the feeling of: "Assimilate to Dafa, Some year, definitely succeed." ("Obtaining Fa", Hong Yin - Version Translation B) Studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth are things Dafa practitioners should do. Even if there were no persecution, we still would have had to cultivate ourselves to reach the standards of the new cosmos. This has nothing to do with the old forces. When I thought about this, I felt a great respect toward Dafa: Dafa is so solemn and dignified. Furthermore, I felt the responsibility as a protector of the future cosmos -- being responsible for all positive elements of the cosmos. Indeed, the human world is not a recreation place for the evil. Only Dafa disciples deserve to display their glory here. Dafa brings the best things to us, yet we have to eliminate our doubts and misunderstandings of Dafa through cultivation.

Recently, a practitioner who had been working with us was persecuted. At that time, the state of the other practitioner who was working with me was not so good. As a result, I had to do the Fa rectification work myself, work which used to be shared by three of us. At the time, Teacher's words echoed in my mind frequently,

Galloping ten thousand miles, breaking demon formations.

Killing all evil puppet masters.

Eliminating wicked gods.

Forget about your thick fog or fierce wind swirling.

Mountain rains along the way wash off dust of the expedition.

("Expedition" in Hong Yin II, provisional translation)

No matter how the old forces display themselves, as long as we follow the path arranged by Teacher, everything is glorious. To achieve this, we have to truly be strict with ourselves in following the standard of Dafa. "Looking within one's self," should never be an empty saying.

Letting Go of Self and Putting Sentient Beings in My Heart

When I made my way back to the correct path of cultivation and found righteous thoughts again, I could hardly remain firm in my cultivation. If a cultivator could not change oneself fundamentally and let go of one's attachments for fame, self interest, and sentiments, it is very difficult for one to pass the tribulations. I started to participate in Fa validation work in such a state. I knew that Teacher does not want to leave any practitioner behind, and he gives every sentient being chances to re-position himself in Fa rectification. I also felt the trust from my fellow practitioners. More precisely, I felt their righteous belief toward Teacher and Dafa. Teacher's compassion and fellow practitioners' righteous support and forbearing understanding helped me pass the tribulations until today. However, my poor base of personal cultivation and strong attachment to my self has become an imminent tribulation I have to pass.

When I entered the practitioners' "one body," it was like just starting to cultivate. With Fa rectification cultivation and personal cultivation combined together in my case, sometimes I felt overwhelmed.. Under the rampant persecution, I must first correct my starting point, relinquish my selfishness, and solidly validate the Fa. In the process, I did not pay attention to my words and actions, attitudes and benevolent heart, let alone considering other people's situation and understanding them. To make things worse, the technical nature of the work that I do and the relatively closed environment nourished some attachments. As a result, I put too much emphasis on my own ideas and ways to do things. For example, when I finished typesetting some truth-clarifying fliers, I didn't want other practitioners to change it. Thinking that they didn't know much about typesetting, I was reluctant in accepting other practitioners' suggestions. When they pointed out problems in typesetting the fliers, my first response was to argue with them. I never thought about the readers. When fellow practitioners patiently explained to me that our purpose in making the truth-clarifying fliers was to make people understand the truth, I finally realized how attached to self I was. I never thought about sentient beings, and I only wanted to validate myself. When I let go of my ideas and followed fellow practitioners' suggestions, the fliers I made truly do have better results. From then on, I tried to consider the readers when making the truth-clarifying fliers. I could also listen and adopt other practitioners' suggestions. I felt that when I could let go my self more, Dafa gave me more wisdom. Teacher said,

In this way, I walked forward with many stumbles in my path of cultivation. I keep searching inside for my shortcomings and attachments. However, I am so far away from the requirements of Dafa. When working with other practitioners later on, my uncultivated side manifested itself strongly in Fa validation work. I was completely unaware of some of my bad deeds, maybe because I seldom pay attention to others around me. I busied myself with Dafa work and ignored cultivating myself in the process of coordinating with others. Instead, I always think of the old "unfair" treatments received when conflicts occur. I could not even let go of things that happened several years ago. My strong jealousy prevented me from being sincere. When some practitioners pointed this out to me, I was still thinking about how much suffering I had gone through and hoped that others would "forbear" me. On this issue, I am still unable to improve according to the Fa, face the problem and try to overcome it. As a result, I still encounter such conflicts from time to time.

Once a practitioner who worked with me met some conflicts in cultivation. Because he was not yet able to rise above and beyond the conflicts, he wanted to leave the group. I encouraged him with righteous thoughts while searching inward for my own attachments. At the same time, I kept doing the Dafa work. My feeling at the time was: "If not for validating the Fa, I would not have the courage to remain in the group and continue to cooperate with the practitioner." No one else knew about the pressure I was under. This mentality prevented me from being compassionate when other practitioners pointed out my problems. I did not search inward; instead, I was seeking understanding and tolerance from others. So, I went to an older female practitioner who I knew well and told her all about my pressures and sufferings, treating her as my mom (my mom had passed away). In knew everyone working with me was also struggling, because they were all under huge pressures, so I didn't want to bother them with my problems.

To my surprise, the female practitioner told me seriously: "You did not think of Dafa in the tribulation; instead, you thought of your mom." This was the same as the example Teacher talked about, in which a practitioner cried for his mom when being tortured. I felt more sorrow after hearing her words and decided not to share my feelings with anyone in the future. After I calmed down, I thought about the issue and realized that as a practitioner, I should not be trapped within conflicts. I should search inside. I understood the female practitioner's words. We are alert when being persecuted by the evil, yet often forget about the matter during conflicts among practitioners. After the incident, I always asked Teacher for help and support whenever I met such trouble. Soon enough, my attachments about my mother, which bothered me for 18 months, faded. Gradually I started to think of others more. No matter how much Dafa work we do, we are not doing too much. We are not contributing to Dafa; instead, Dafa gives us the opportunity to re-position ourselves. I realized that we should do Dafa work as much as we can.

In "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York," Teacher said:

I used to think that I put a lot of emphasis on studying the Fa. Yet facing so many conflicts, I realized that I had not studied the Fa well. I had not truly measured myself against the Fa and changed fundamentally. I frequently reminded myself: "You should be able to listen to different opinions from others." Yet when a practitioner told me that a coordinator wanted to talk with me, I became very nervous. My heart was beating, and I wondered if I had made some mistakes. I tried to calm down and asked Teacher to support me. I thought, "No matter what the practitioner says, I will not explain and above all, I shall not cry." The practitioner said a lot to me, and I quietly listened. When the practitioner finished, I knew the conversation had been very helpful to my cultivation. I regretted that I had not improved earlier. Searching inward not only results in agony, but also brings joy after passing the tests.

I could feel myself rapidly changing every day. As I studied the Fa, my character improved. Yet I was still comparing myself with human beings and my past. I did not measure myself against the requirements of the Fa at different levels. One time I had some conflicts with a practitioner who worked with me for three years. When the practitioner sternly pointed out my problems, my self-respect was hurt. I listened to him in abhorrence and felt deeply hurt by the relentless criticism. My thirst for understanding and tolerance reached its extreme. This strong notion prevented me from rationally thinking about the words he said and searching for my attachments behind the self-respect. I remained strong on the surface and hid my feeling of helplessness inside. I felt that I had not done well and had let Teacher down. A small part of me wanted to argue and make excuses, yet I considered such an action to be ridiculous. But, when I thought about how much I had given, I could not summon enough power to search inside. My self-respect suppressed my true nature, and I wanted to leave the group. At that moment, I realized that I had not let go of my self and had not thought about sentient beings. I often remind myself to put the Fa above everything else, yet when true tests occur, I sometimes do not act well. The evil persecution did not make me want to leave, yet some honest words from a fellow practitioner made me lose my rationality and forget about the Fa and sentient beings.

I thought about Teacher's words at that time. In the Lecture at the Conference in Singapore, Teacher says,

I asked myself to step forward from human beings' principles and my own attachments because at that moment I felt the expectations of the sentient beings. I am the only hope for them to be saved. I should face and correct my selfishness, jealousy, and intolerance.

Later on I realized why the fellow practitioners treated me like that. Like Teacher said, his uncultivated side was used to show me my uncultivated side. In the previous coordination with others, I rarely considered other people and created much pain for them unknowingly. We should also mind our attitude among practitioners. Even when I think I am doing this for the good of others, maybe I am thinking about the matter based on my own impure views. Otherwise the person I talk to will be moved to tears by the power and compassion of Dafa. I realized the need to continuously cultivate and correct myself in the process of validating Fa more clearly: doing Dafa work is not the same as cultivation; not searching inside is the same as not cultivating. We should be able to consider others and be compassionate when doing Dafa work. I knew better how to treat others.

I could understand those practitioners who candidly pointed out my problems better. They are selfless, because they had to let go of themselves before pointing out my problems. Otherwise, they would have felt hurt by my attachments and attachment to self-respect. I could feel their compassion and sense of responsibility, and their lack of human sentiments. Their compassion was like warm currents thawing me. Thinking of this, the attachments entrapping me disappeared instantly. My divine side was being revived and started to grow. When I was released by Dafa from the entrapment of my attachment to my self, I knew that I would be able to bring goodness, miracles, and compassion to more people. Teacher said,

Teacher's compassionate help and fellow practitioners' trust, tolerance, and selflessness helped me feel the mighty power of Dafa. Although I will never fully understand Teacher's boundless compassion toward all sentient beings, I started to think more about sentient beings myself. At this moment, I put sentient beings in my heart. Their future is what we should be thinking about. When writing about this point, I seemed to truly understand Teacher's words, "The only thing you have a role in is saving people..." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago")

I sincerely hope that all practitioners can let go of our selves more, so that we can coordinate better and save more people with predestined relationships.

Shared at "The Second Mainland China Falun Dafa Practitioners Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference on the Internet"