(Continued from Part I, http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2005/2/25/57875.html)
(Clearwisdom.net) When we clarified the truth, some people accepted the flyers that we gave them, while some did not, and even reported us to the police. Sometimes, fellow practitioners were arrested immediately after they gave out truth-clarification materials. We were often scared when we gave out the materials. Our legs shook and our hearts beat rapidly. At these times, we recited the "Mighty Virtue" poem in "HongYin,"
"Dafa never leaves the body,
Heart contains Zhen-Shan-Ren;
A great Arhat in the world,
Spirits and ghosts fear the most."
We also recited the poem "Assisting the Fa,"
"Making a wish to save sentient beings,
Assisting Teacher in his journey in this world;
Aiding me to turn the Fa wheel,
The Fa succeeds and free in heaven and earth."
In this way, our attachment of fear gradually became less and less. Under the protection of Master, every day we went from house to house bringing the truth-clarification materials to people's homes. One time, immediately after a fellow practitioner left one house, the material was thrown out the window. Before the practitioner had the time to pick it up, a passer-by took it away. When the passer-by was asked where it came from, he answered, "It dropped down from the sky," and then he happily left with the materials. To save more people, we not only gave out truth-clarification materials in our neighborhoods, but also mailed them to other places in China. We continued to give out the materials and clarify the truth without stopping.
Three months soon elapsed. My work unit informed me that I needed to go back and finish filling in the employment-related documents, so I returned. My work unit leaders said that as I did not want to work, I could finish the procedures and leave the job. I told them, "It is you who have mistreated me and do not want me to come to work. It is not me who does not want the job. I have become healthy since I started practicing Falun Gong and I do not make mistakes in my work. Why don't you allow me to work? Why are you firing me? You should be held responsible for what you have done." The leaders forced me to sign my name on the documents in order to fire me. It was very painful because I had worked there for so many years and I was fired just for practicing Falun Gong and being a good person. They forced me to make a choice and said that I could not practice Falun Gong if I still wanted to keep my job. At that time, my only thought was that I could give up anything to validate Dafa. Even though I was not allowed to work in my place of employment, I would rather find a temporary job than give up Dafa. I then signed my name on the form and left the building so I could keep doing what I am supposed to do. However, the next day, my boss called and asked me to come back to work, because the firing was not approved when they went to the relevant government offices to try to finish the procedure of firing me. I was told that I would be listed as having left the job voluntarily if I did not return to work. So I went back. After I had been back to work for almost two months, I was arrested on October 22, 2000. I was sent to a detention center, where I was detained for over 40 days and then given a three-year sentence of forced labor. On December 6, 2000, the police sent me to Masanjia Forced Labor Camp for further persecution.
4. I Got Up After I Fell Down
Masanjia Forced Labor Camp is a place that made me feel a lot of pain and regret. After I was sent to the No. 2 Women's Section of the labor camp, the guards and those collaborators who had enlightened along an evil path came to me speaking much nonsense, and slandering Master and Dafa. All day long the guards played a video that slandered Dafa. They also forced the practitioners to read articles that slander Dafa and Master. The collaborators quoted Dafa out of context and tried to brainwash me and make me give up my cultivation. They deprived me of sleep because I refused to give up my cultivation. When practitioners refused to listen to them, they beat and verbally abused us. Because of the torture, some fellow practitioners' faces became black and blue, some were hospitalized, some crippled, and some were mentally traumatized. In the evil's den of Masanjia Forced Labor Camp, the Dafa practitioners suffered from all kinds of torture. Under such pressure and seeing the evil people slandering Dafa with such frenzy, I experienced a mental breakdown. I could no longer listen to their words. I just had one thought: I had to get away from there.
From all the pressure, I started feeling anxious, helpless, and agitated. Because I had not studied the Fa well, my heart shivered and I was afraid when I saw the viciousness of the evil. Those who had betrayed Dafa tried to force me to betray Master and Dafa. Every day they tried to force me to write the three statements. To leave Mansanjia, against my own will I pretended to accept the brainwashing. When those evil people asked me to write the three statements, my mind was a blank and I just kept crying. I was unable to write anything. My hand shook when I held the pen. I had a headache and felt nauseous. I sat there for several days, but I was not able to write anything down. Later, someone brought statements that others had written and asked me to copy them. So I wrote down something unimportant and turned it in. However, the head of the labor camp, after reading it, said that I had not given up my cultivation yet. So he constantly made trouble for me and made me very nervous. I felt so much pain that staying there for one day seemed like one year. I cried every night from the guilt. In Masanjia, my hair turned grey. I was under a tremendous mental pressure.
In Masanjia, every day the guards forced Dafa practitioners to work with toxic materials. They forced us to listen to vicious propaganda on the radio and watch slanderous video programs. People often came to visit or make news reports. Sometimes, we were called out to participate in the so-called "One Million Signature" campaign. We were also sent out into the fields to pull weeds and do farm work. Practitioners who refused to accept the brainwashing were often deprived of sleep for several consecutive nights. But they still needed to work during the day. Because I did not have a thorough understanding of Dafa, I did not have a solid foundation of cultivation. Led by a wrongful mindset, my attachments took control of me. Under pressure, I used my human mentalities to try to take away the guilt. When my mind became clear again, I understood that I had made a mistake that could not be easily remedied.
Later, I made myself calm down. Every day I recited Lunyu, the poems in Hongyin, and some of Master's articles that I could remember. In this way, my mind gradually became clear. I realized that my acceptance of the transformation meant that I had compromised with the evil. I had committed sins against Dafa and betrayed my human nature and soul. I had done something that was against my conscience. I felt sorry for Master who had given me my new life. I could not continue to do wrong, and knew I should correct my mistakes. I felt that this was not the place I should be, and I ought to leave. Since then, I tried my best to stay clear-headed. When the labor camp leader asked me to brainwash others, I said that I had not learned the Fa well and I did not know how to do it. The leader then asked me to learn the crooked views and the deceiving words from those who had betrayed Dafa. If I refused to listen to their words, they would say that I still had not given up cultivation. Whenever Dafa practitioners arrived, the labor camp head would make me follow along with those who had enlightened along an evil path to learn their ways of brainwashing people. Even when I went with them, I did not listen to their nonsense and I would recite "Lunyu" in my mind, so I would hear nothing, no matter what they said. Later the labor camp head asked the leading inmate in my cell to let me brainwash others. I told the leading inmate that I would not brainwash others since I believe that Falun Dafa is the Law of the universe and I would not talk about Dafa that way. That would not work. The leading inmate said that if the labor camp head knew I thought this way, I would not be able to go home. I said that I indeed thought that way. I would never brainwash anyone. After listening to my words, the leading inmate thought that what I said made sense, so she did not force me to do it. Since then, no one has asked me to do that type of thing.
From this incident, I realized that it was I, myself, who could decide what I wanted to do, and that any outcome resulted from my own thinking. Since I have attachments, and wanted to escape from the tribulations and leave the evil's den, I had gone along with the lies and willingly accepted the evil enlightenment, while pretending I didn't want to. This was damaging the reputation of Dafa and tarnishing my own cultivation path. When I came to realize this point, I started to exchange views with other fellow practitioners. Whenever practitioners were able to leave, I told them that they should read Zhuan Falun from beginning to end so as to measure themselves with Dafa and find their shortcomings. Some agreed with me, while others did not understand me, saying that cultivation was about to end, and just cultivating our xinxing should be sufficient. They even criticized me. After being released from the labor camp, and after reading Master's articles and Zhuan Falun, many practitioners regained their correct understandings, and they soon rejoined the Fa-rectification. After my release from Masanjia, they all called me and told me that they had already returned to Dafa.
After I was released from Masanjia Forced Labor Camp, I returned to Fa-rectification and I renounced the three statements and all of my words and actions that didn't conform to Dafa while being held at the labor camp. I studied the Fa repeatedly and realized I didn't do well amidst the evil persecution, and had committed an unforgivable sin. I was overcome with fear and, driven by attachments, I used an ordinary person's perspective and conformed to the evil. Looking back, I am ashamed to even lift my head, and I deeply regret my mistake. I realize I made a serious error. I am determined to study the Fa well and not make the same mistake again. I will do well the three things Master requires of us and walk righteously on the path of cultivation.
After being through the most evil persecution in the human world, my heart did not change, although I took a detour. I have become more mature and I constantly look inward for attachments. I dig out fundamental attachments, eliminate them and I am more diligent in Fa study. When my understanding improved, everything changed accordingly, and everything that I lost was restored. After I returned from Masanjia, my husband filed a lawsuit and got our house back. When I returned to Fa-rectification, my family was worried when I was arrested on several occasions, and they monitored me and didn't allow me to leave home. I clarified the truth to my family and told them I was being persecuted. I owe my life and health to Master. How can I not speak up when Master and Dafa are being slandered? How can I not clarify the truth? I have to clarify the truth! Seeing that I was sincere, my family left me alone. My husband often told his friends, "Falun Dafa is good. My wife has been cured of all her illnesses through Dafa practice, you guys should learn it too!" He no longer opposes my practicing. I told family and friends, "Falun Dafa is good." I clarified the truth to my neighbors and awakened their righteous thoughts toward Dafa.
One day, my neighbor said, "It's not worth it! You were thrown in jail for practicing Falun Gong! If the government won't let you practice, then don't practice! Why do you have to go against the government? Your Master has abandoned you! You people are silly!" I said, "You are wrong. I didn't go to prison because I practiced Falun Gong. Jiang's group abused their power and threw me in prison. What's wrong with me doing exercises and being healthy?" He said, "The TV program says you Falun Gong practitioners don't care about your family and children, and you kill people!" I said, "Again you are wrong. I didn't ignore my family. When Master tells us to be good people, better-than-good people, how can I not take care of my family and children? Jiang's group ordered the police to throw me in jail, and Jiang's group persecutes Falun Gong, slanders Dafa and Master. That is why we Dafa practitioners step forward to clarify the truth. The TV program is propaganda. Falun Gong practitioners do not kill themselves or any other beings. The media is lying and slandering Falun Gong." My neighbor learned the truth after I explained it to him, and he no longer says anything against Dafa. Instead he said, "Your teacher is great! In the future I'll learn Falun Gong from you."
One evening in December 2001, a friend of mine who worked at a detention center called me and said she was having severe leg cramps and she wanted my help. I said, "Did you go to the hospital?" She said, "I did but the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with my leg. It just hurts." I said, "How can I help you?" She eventually told me, "Today, a Dafa practitioner was doing exercises here, and my supervisor spotted the practitioner and gave me a lecture, saying I didn't do my job. I was angry, so I walked over and kicked that practitioner. Afterwards my leg started hurting badly." I immediately realized that it was instant retribution. I used to clarify the truth to her, and I know that she doesn't oppose Dafa, and she usually sympathizes with Dafa practitioners. I said, "Ask for Master's forgiveness and ask for his help. No one else can help you." She was afraid and said, "You must ask your Master to forgive me." I said, "Ok, then repent." She shouted, "Master Li Hongzhi, please help me, I'll never hit another Dafa practitioner." She said she was sincere. When I put down the phone, it was time to send forth righteous thoughts, so I started sending forth righteous thoughts. One thought suddenly came up, "Master, please help my friend." When this thought came out I realized, "I can't do this. Whoever did wrong must repay it. When I have such a thought it will come true, and I will have to endure the retribution for her." Suddenly yellow pus seeped out of my nose, and I was truly made to endure for her. I realized my mistake and I shouted, "Master, I did wrong. I used human sentiments instead of benevolence. I can't endure this for her, I'll ask her to repent and not commit crimes against Dafa again." I went to sleep after sending forth righteous thoughts. The next morning, my ankles and toes were completely black. I realized it was the result of my single thought. I was moved by sentiment and didn't do as required by Dafa, and the evil was able to persecute me. Later, I used this incident to clarify the truth to her at home, and I showed her the karma she created toward Dafa practitioners. She knew her mistake from the leg cramp, and when she saw my legs and feet, she said, "I believe in Master and Dafa, I'll never do that again." From then on, she often helped Dafa practitioners.
In order to save more people, fellow practitioners and I wrote about the persecution and the truth about Dafa, and we clarified the truth in our neighborhoods. We clarified the truth in all kinds of weather including rain, snow, cold, and heat. We cooperated well as one body. Although some practitioners were forced into homelessness, they still persisted in doing the magnificent deed of clarifying the truth and saving people. Many people learned the truth and obtained Dafa through our efforts in truth clarification.
Master said,
"You need to treasure it--you have to treasure the path you've walked. Only when you treasure the steps you've taken can you do well on the path ahead. Not much of the journey is left. Do even better on your path and do things even more righteously." ("Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference")
I will follow Master's words and do well the three things: Study the Fa and do the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts, and clarify the truth.
