(Clearwisdom.net) It was really very hard for me to pass the test of lust, but eventually I was able to. I want to share how I accomplished this in hopes that it might be of some help to other practitioners facing the same problem.
I went to my fianc¨¦'s place, and he and I worked together to process truth-clarification materials. There were only five practitioners before my arrival and until then there had been no processing site for printing the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. Instead, they handed out flyers everyday. Since I had some experience in this area, I began to help them. Because of various financial problems, other adverse conditions, and for the convenience of material processing, I stayed with my fianc¨¦, but we stayed in separate rooms. At the very beginning, we encountered many problems. There was interference from other dimensions and various inconveniences. I will not write of those things and focus only on the issue of lust, how we coped with the tests, and how we managed to pass them.
When we began to process the Nine Commentaries, I had to stay with my fianc¨¦. The most serious interference was the increased strength of my lust. My fianc¨¦ said that even the expression in my eyes was not right: they seemed to glimmer with lust.
At the very beginning, I was not clear that this feeling was not the real me. Since it came from so deep in my heart, how could it be my attachment of lust? It was hard for me to express things like that, because I regard myself as a practitioner. Even so, I revealed this thought to my fianc¨¦. No matter how embarrassing it was, I had to eliminate it and the best way to do so was to expose it.
When I was alone with my fianc¨¦, I could not help getting closer to him. The thought was really very strong. In his dream one day, he saw me walking toward him naked. It was a woman's body but it was black. When the thing got closer to him, his mind was empty and he could not remember that he was a practitioner. He tried very hard to remind himself that he was a practitioner. The more he thought about being a practitioner, the smaller the thing became. Fortunately it fled at last. When my fianc¨¦ got up, he told me that he had not sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. I told him that I was lax in this regard, and as a result I was burdened with lust. I had only a slight, unclear awareness that I was a practitioner. From that time onwards, I felt the burden lessened a bit.
While I studied the Fa, Teacher continuously gave me hints. Teacher said,
"If you can endure it, your karma will be eliminated, your xinxing will improve, and your gong will increase as well. All of these will come together." (Lecture Four from Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly realized that as long as I can endure, then my xinxing will be upgraded. In the next few days, I endured and passed the ensuing tests at the critical moments. However, my noticeable improvement led me to slack off and the evil was there to take advantage of it. Since my fianc¨¦ was in control, nothing serious happened. However, my conduct was still wrong.
Later, when I studied the Fa, I found what Teacher said in this respect,
"This practitioner's xinxing had improved very quickly. At that point, he became alarmed right away. The first thought that came to his mind was: 'I'm not an ordinary person. I'm a practitioner. You shouldn't treat me this way, for I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner.' Once this thought emerged, everything suddenly disappeared since they were all transformed anyway." (Lecture Six from Zhuan Falun) )
In my Fa study I kept in mind the sentence Teacher mentioned in Zhuan Falun,
"'When it is difficult to endure, try to endure it. When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible.'" (Lecture Nine from Zhuan Falun) )
It seemed that I had not had such a deep impression of this sentence in the past. I knew I could endure anything and everything would be overcome eventually, so I truly followed the high standard I set for myself and was on my guard at all times. In this way I lived a normal life for a period of time. However, one day when I failed to notice another attachment, the evil tricked me into lust again by taking advantage of the other attachment.
One day when I was changing the characters in Zhuan Falun, all of a sudden a thought came into my mind, "We, the old forces, don't have it easy. We have done all of this because we actually did not know the truth. You must amend your approach and leave us alone." At that time I thought what they said was right. Suddenly, when I reconsidered, I found it was not my thought. The thought came from them. They committed such a severe sin and sabotaged Dafa so that many sentient beings would lose the opportunity to be saved as a result. Therefore, they deserved to be eliminated. They were begging me to have mercy on them. I could not do that! Teacher said that the old forces must be eliminated.
When I enlightened to this, I found that the old forces tumbled out of my mind like balls, one after the other. I could not tell how many of them there were all together, so I can only describe them as balls. It was then that they were eliminated in large numbers. In the past, I had been encircled by these old forces, so the attachment of lust had also come from them. They reflected the lust into my mind to make me believe that it was my own thought.
Ever since then, I experienced a lightness of heart that I had never experienced before. One day when my fianc¨¦ and I were cooking together, all of a sudden I felt a type of carefree happiness, devoid of lust. It resembled feelings I had when I was a child. I found this to be real happiness, whereas when I was indulged in lust, it was not happiness. Instead, it was passive and bitter, without contentment. That very night I was faced with the test of lust in my dream. My response was like a child and I hated it very much. This was how I passed the test. I knew the test in the dream was based on how well my cultivation was during the day. Only when my xinxing reached that level could I pass the test in the dream, and I passed it in a very calm, relaxed way.
One evening, my fianc¨¦ got worked up in his dream and even came to my room. I woke up instantly, but my mind was still not that clear. Since my righteous thought was very strong during the day, I jumped out of the bed and went to sit elsewhere. As I looked at him, he still seemed muddleheaded, so I said, "No, you can't do this. Go back to sleep, right now!" Immediately after he went back to his room to lie down, I went to ask him what was wrong. To my surprise, he did not hear me. I knew he was not himself at the time. If I had not sent forth righteous thoughts so many times during the day to eliminate the bad and warped things in my mind, I don't know what would have happened that night. Cultivation is a very serious matter!
Thereafter, I passed all the tests of lust. I became more and more sober in my dreams. I am fully aware what I cannot do. Sometimes I would say straight away, "I am a practitioner, I cannot do that!" Then the scene would disappear in no time.
It was really hard for me during that period of time. It was Teacher who gave me the courage all the time; otherwise, it would be impossible for me to pass the test of lust. Now I understand that no matter how strong it appears to be, as long as we practitioners remain unmoved by its appearance, we can pass any test. During that period of time, I let go of a lot of attachments. The real reason behind it was that I was memorizing the Fa. I recited eight to ten pages a day and it seemed as if I was continually changing into a new person. Only when we study the Fa more can we find our attachments, and only when we study the Fa more can we remember the standards of the Fa. Only when we study the Fa more can we become firmer in our belief in letting go of attachments, and only when we study the Fa more can we be more determined and walk more firmly on our path.
I have more experiences to share, but I won't write out all of them. Recently, we began to print the Nine Commentaries on Communist Party, and we plan to print copies of Zhuan Falun. Now all the necessities needed for printing the book are ready.
Finally, I want to remind fellow practitioners that we must study the Fa more. I put studying the Fa and memorizing the Fa to improve my xinxing as my first priority. This is my basis for doing things. As a result, I can do many things very quickly and easily. I have found that when my xinxing has been upgraded, doing things is just some extraneous matter that is quite easy to achieve. It is totally unlike the feeling everyday people have when doing something like constructing a building, as they find it quite a chore to accomplish. In this regard, I have seen numerous practitioners that feel very tired clarifying the truth, yet achieve poor results. Because they are very busy, they don't made time to study the Fa. This is a pity. I have now realized that so long as one studies the Fa, one's xinxing will be upgraded and the things that practitioners need to do will be done well naturally without their even realizing it. This is the meaning of doing things without pursuit.