(Clearwisdom.net) I am an over 50-year-old practitioner who is not highly educated. My wife and I began to practice Falun Gong in 1997. Because of the relative isolation of our local environment, we were unable to see or communicate with fellow practitioners on a regular basis. To advance in cultivation, we relied solely on studying the Fa. We feel deeply that Teacher and Falun Gong are the best thing that ever happened to mankind. When the evil Jiang Zemin and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Falun Gong practitioners, we never once doubted Teacher or Falun Gong. But, it was not until 2001 that my wife and I realized that we should have stepped out to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to the Chinese people. At first we encountered a lot of obstacles because we had a lot of human thoughts and attachments. Step by step, we overcame our human thoughts and notions and continuously felt Teacher's compassionate protection. My wife and I made very slow progress, but we have become increasingly steadfast in our faith in the Fa and increasingly clearheaded and rational. We have also become increasingly righteous in our activities during Teacher's Fa-rectification.
In retrospect, the path we have walked and each step we have taken were the result of Teacher's immense hard work. We truly feel that we Falun Gong disciples are the luckiest lives in the entire cosmos. The following sums up my cultivation path:
For a very long time, I failed to address many issues, as I regarded them as being trivial, i.e. using coarse language, studying the Fa in disrespectful postures, turning on the fan when the weather turned just a little warmer, being a picky eater, feeling sleepy when studying the Fa, etc. I did not improve in these areas, though my wife advanced very well regarding these areas. Before she studies the Fa, she always washes her hands. She would become anxious whenever I left any Falun Gong book open or scattered them around the house. She would reproach me when I put a Falun Gong book on my thigh or sat cross-legged when studying the Fa. Regardless of the occasion, my wife would point it out in a very direct manner whenever she hears me using any coarse language. My wife is like a walking mirror, always reflecting my problems wherever I go. When we study the Fa in the evening, I would take a nap if I felt sleepy. My wife, however, if she felt sleepy, would kneel when studying the Fa. If this did not work, she would wash her face with cold water, but she would never take a nap. She often reminded me to pay attention to these issues, but I had always regarded them as trivial matters. Sometimes I would even defend myself with excuses. I would tell her, "We are cultivating among non-cultivators so we are supposed to live like a non-cultivator." In addition, I used to have a notion that while the evil is persecuting us, we must keep our strength and good health in order to do truth-clarification work better. But the truth is that I was merely trying to justify my attachment to comfort and my lack of diligence. I would sometimes even mislead my wife with these notions and she would start to doubt if she had paid too much attention to these "trivial" matters.
I don't have much education, but my wife has even less. I used to worry that she might be unable to comprehend the Fa or do truth-clarification work. A year later, we began to often disagree with each other in terms of evaluating and handling certain issues. We both felt there was something not quite right, but we were unable to identify the root cause. Then at that time, Teacher published a new article in which He said:
"Everyone's realm is different, and I'm telling you now, Master has seen that some of the disparities among students have increased. It wasn't apparent before, but now they've increased, and the more it's toward the end the bigger the disparities. So there are bound to be differences in people's understandings. The key is how to cooperate better and coordinate better with one other." (From "Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
That was when I finally woke up from my daze! I realized that the disagreements between my wife and I have increased and I have fallen behind. That was the reason why there had been a lot of disagreements between us. It became apparent to me that I had fallen behind, but how did it happen?
I sat down and began to study the Fa more diligently. I then realized the importance of studying the Fa. It was as though I had never studied the Fa so seriously. This was the first time I felt it. I used to think of my daughter during Fa study. As a result, I was unable to focus. I began to exchange cultivation experiences with my wife and searched within at the same time. After I upgraded my understanding on the issues in my cultivation practice, I discovered that a lot of things I approved of were wrong. It is like what Teacher has said,
"Whenever he (Buddha Sakyamuni) upgraded himself to a higher level, he looked back and realized that the Dharma he just taught was all wrong." (From "Different Levels Have Different Fa" in Lecture One of Zhuan Falun)
When I failed to upgrade my understanding, I was blind to my problems even though I searched inward. Sometimes when I searched inward, I skipped over key issues and called it searching within. I was actually misleading myself when I did that. I now feel my wife and I need to study the Fa more and read Minghui/Clearwisdom articles more, especially as we don't have many opportunities to share cultivation insights with fellow practitioners. Minghui/Clearwisdom articles truly help one gain other understandings. We read each issue of the Minghui Weekly earnestly. Sometimes we even read the articles repeatedly and feel we have benefited a lot from them. Those fellow practitioners who don't like reading Minghui/Clearwisdom articles don't know what they have missed. After all, many fellow practitioners obtained their insights at the expense of their precious lives!
Now, that I have begun to study the Fa with a peaceful mind and genuinely search within, I have identified the following issues I need to address:
1. I failed to take the Fa to heart when I studied the Fa. I was unable to improve my understanding of the Fa because I only studied the Fa as a routine. How could I possibly improve my conduct when I didn't know how to improve? Teacher said,
"I have stated that one's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level." (From "Reverse Cultivation and Gong Borrowing" in Lecture Three of Zhuan Falun.)
2. I failed to understand the seriousness of cultivation practice. I was riding on my luck and expected to reach Consummation without being truly diligent. I have compared myself with non-cultivators and my past, but I didn't evaluate myself according to the Fa. This was because I didn't study the Fa deeply enough.
3. I was very selfish. Because I was selfish, I didn't want to contribute too much to the truth-clarification work. Because I was selfish, I was attached to comfort. Because I was selfish, I was irresponsible and impatient when I did truth-clarification work.
4. I have not overcome some of my old notions and I have not yet identified others. That is why I held stubbornly onto my ways. My attachment to fear was the most obvious symptom. The root cause of problems 2-4 has to do with my Fa study. I must study the Fa more diligently and study the Fa without any notions.
Now I have increased the time for Fa study. In addition, I told myself that I must study the Fa with a tranquil mind and I must not pursue quantity or speed. As I study the Fa, I should evaluate myself according to the Fa. When I do so, I feel as though I am studying the Fa for the first time and the Fa is a very close friend to me.
There is no such a thing as a large or a trivial issue when it comes to upgrading xinxing in cultivation practice, because one's xinxing is revealed even in a most trivial issue. Xinxing is a constant quality of a person and does not differentiate based on the magnitude of issues one encounters. I feel that those who are able to conduct themselves according to the Fa on smaller issues are likely to conduct themselves well on bigger issues. It was just wishful thinking to believe that I could compromise my standard on small issues but I could do well on bigger issues. How could I possibly do well on big issues if I fail to do well on small issues? Besides, it is Teacher that arranges our cultivation paths. When my xinxing was not yet high, I was given small tests and challenges, but I missed out on these opportunities to improve my morality because I regarded them as trivial. After missing a lot of opportunities, I failed to build a solid base for my cultivation practice. Gradually, more and more problems surfaced, revealing that I had fallen behind my fellow practitioners.
From now on, I must pay attention to studying the Fa in tranquility and studying the Fa more. I must make the most of the precious time available and do the three things well, so I can follow a righteous cultivation path!