(Clearwisdom.net) I may have obtained the Fa as early as 1998, but I have never been able to identify my fundamental attachments until recently. It is impossible to eliminate fundamental attachments and all the related notions if one cannot identify them. My fundamental attachments had a great negative influence on my cultivation path and during our sacred mission. They affected my validating the Fa.
Lately I have read many fellow practitioners' cultivation experience sharing articles discussing the elimination of their fundamental attachments. I felt it was high time that I removed my fundamental attachments as well. When Teacher first published the article, "Towards Consummation," my attachments thwarted me from finding my fundamental attachments. Teacher said,
"Studying the Fa with attachments is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator." "Towards Consummation" in Essentials for Further Advancement II.)
I begged Teacher in my heart to give me hints and help me identify my fundamental attachments as soon as possible so that I could eliminate them and become more diligent in my cultivation practice.
Now I have finally realized that my fundamental attachments are fame and personal gain. These two attachments were closely tied to jealousy, qing, and lust. When I first obtained the Fa, I was so attached to fame that I studied the Fa very diligently to distinguish myself from other practitioners. After I became healthy because of Falun Gong, I should have spent more time studying the Fa. However, I was just as attached to fame as before. Recently when I tried to memorize Hong Yin II. I repeatedly memorized a line in "Journeying in the Dao" wrong. Teacher said,
"Washing way attachments to fame, sentiment, and gain
What hardship can hinder the divine"
(From "Journeying in the Dao" in Hong Yin II, provisional translation subject to further improvements.)
I repeatedly memorized "fame, sentiment, and gain" as "fame, gain, and sentiment." Then it suddenly dawned on me that "fame and gain" had been on the top of my list of priorities. While I was trying to persuade Chinese people to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), Communist Youth League, and the Young Pioneers, my fiance (a non-cultivator) commented that I was pursuing fame and gain. Even the way I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party gave him the impression that I was actually hoping for fame and gain. After Teacher hinted about my fundamental attachments through the lips of a non-cultivator a couple of times, I became more and more aware of my fundamental attachments. Now I'm able to recognize these attachments when they resurface and eliminate them with my righteous thoughts.
My attachment to fame surfaces in a number of ways, including when I do truth-clarification work to save sentient beings. I think of the number of people I saved that day and how much virtue I might have accumulated. I have failed to treat such a sacred mission that Teacher has entrusted to us as a drive to be more diligent in my cultivation practice. I have now realized that I need to become more diligent to do better in my truth-clarification work. Teacher said,
"Cultivation in the three religions teaches inaction,
Using the mind improperly is with action;
Exclusively doing good deeds is still action,
Attachment discarded is true inaction."
(From "Inaction" in Hong Yin.)
Even when I studied the Fa, I would often tell myself, "I will finish the Fa study tomorrow." I often used sleepiness and exhaustion as excuses to put off my Fa study. Teacher said,
"Even now some people still can't concentrate when it comes to reading the books. Those of you who do work for Dafa, especially, shouldn't use any pretexts to conceal your not reading the books or studying the Fa. Even if you do work for me, your Master, you still need to study the Fa every day with a calm mind and cultivate yourself solidly." (From "Towards Consummation" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
It is necessary for me to persevere in studying the Fa, and I shouldn't study the Fa with attachments. A wandering mind will interfere with my Fa study. Moreover, it is also a dangerous idea to constantly think: "I have read Falun Gong books today, so I have studied the Fa today and I have done one of the Three Things Teacher requires of us." We practitioners cultivate our Main Consciousness. If our Main Consciousness is not clear, whom do we study the Fa for? We would not only fail to study the Fa or assimilate ourselves to the Fa so we can purify our thoughts, but also waste our time.
Teacher has repeatedly emphasized the importance of Fa study, as it is the foundation of our cultivation practice. Studying the Fa in pursuit of fame and gain is very disrespectful to the Fa. Teacher said,
"When your mind wanders all over the place as you read, the countless Buddhas, Daos, and Gods in the book see your laughable and pitiable mind, and see the karma in your thoughts controlling you, which is detestable. And yet you cling to delusion and fail to wake up." (From "Towards Consummation" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
After I read articles about fellow practitioners whose xinxing levels were upgraded when they started memorizing the Fa, I started to memorize the Fa as well. However, I failed to do it solidly because I was attached to fame and gain and, thus, eager to make rapid progress. By doing so, I have ruined the sacredness of memorizing the Fa. In addition, I have fully shown those everyday people that witnessed my attachments that I am a person eager for instant fame and gain.
My attachments to fame and gain also made me jealous. Driven by my attachments to fame and gain, I was competing with my non-cultivating colleagues for work performance. I was very jealous of a beautiful young colleague with less work experience but higher salary and benefits. When I caught my fiance taking a glance at her, I was very upset even though she was the first person in my company to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. My attachments to fame and gain were so obvious. How could I have been so oblivious to them after nearly eight years of cultivation practice, especially when I should have eliminated them as soon as I obtained the Fa? Once I finally could admit to myself that I had these attachments, I was determined to eliminate them as soon as they showed up. If I'm not as tolerant or as generous as an everyday person, how can I possibly talk about compassion for sentient beings or helping Teacher's Fa-rectification? Based on the needs of Teacher's Fa-rectification, everything in human society has been created for the sake of validating the Fa and saving sentient beings, including our careers. All of my colleagues have a predestined relationship with the Fa. Besides, some of my colleagues have already withdrawn from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. As a Falun Gong disciple, I am required to be on my best behavior, to be more compassionate than any everyday person, and to live up to the sacred and honorable title of Falun Gong disciple everywhere I go.
My attachments to fame and gain also bred a show-off and competitive mentality. My boyfriend is not a practitioner. Sometimes when I "clarified the truth" to him, I would argue with him like an everyday person. Sometimes I would act very snobbish and look down my nose at him. It was a display of my horrible show-off mentality. When I clarified the truth about Falun Gong to my fiance, I was not aware that I often sent out a message, "I know more than you and am better than you." I did not have as much patience with him as I had for others when I explained the truth. Teacher said,
"Because of practicing cultivation among everyday people, a lot of our practitioners cannot release many of their attachments. Many attachments have already become second nature, and these people themselves cannot detect them. This mentality of showing off can manifest in any situation; it can also surface when doing a good deed." (From "The Mentality of Showing Off" in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun.)
In addition, my attachments to fame and gain also bred attachments to sentiment and lust. I made a lot of detours because of that. Because I failed to integrate myself as much as possible with everyday society, I have created a lot of troubles for myself. When I noticed that many of my old classmates had married well, I became competitive. I wanted to find a husband better than, or at least one as good as, theirs. Before I met my fiance, I started to evaluate him based on conventional standards. It was not until I attained a better understanding of the Fa in terms of a marital relationship and began to handle our relationship from the perspective of validating the Fa and saving sentient beings that we could get along well.
I hope that fellow practitioners who share similar attachments will begin to eliminate their attachments and become more clearheaded and rational. Let's cherish this precious opportunity that will never come again, be diligent in our cultivation practice, and reach Consummation together.
