(Clearwisdom.net) I have cultivated Falun Dafa for the past eight years, but it was only recently that I discovered the attachment that was preventing me from cultivating diligently. I was attached to love and romance, and this aspect of my qing was extremely strong. It caused me to take many detours instead of cultivating diligently, and this must have greatly disappointed Teacher Li.
In 1997, I started practicing Falun Dafa during a time when my husband treated my son and I quite badly. Since then, I've personally experienced the miraculous power of Falun Dafa, and have been touched by the compassionate protection of Teacher Li. However, since I did not experience discomfort in my body after practicing Falun Dafa and my husband no longer mistreated me, I soon developed the attachment of living comfortably. As a result of having this attachment, my husband had an affair behind my back and I was totally shocked after discovering this. Nevertheless, I still treated everyone, including the woman who tried to destroy my family, compassionately. I knew deep in my heart that this tribulation occurred in order for me to eliminate my attachment to living comfortably as an everyday human.
Three years later, I was totally stunned when my husband suggested that he would like to keep a mistress. As I usually did not study the Fa much, and had low enlightenment quality and strong human attachments, I could not understand why such a tragedy had occurred. After searching inward, I realized that I easily developed romantic feelings toward the opposite sex and constantly looked forward to having a romantic relationship. Around that time, I developed romantic feelings toward one of my male colleagues at work, but I did not realize the seriousness of this attachment, despite receiving many hints. Those hints included finding a piece of paper on my doorstep with "Moron" written on it, discussion between my colleagues regarding how dangerous having an extra-marital affair was, and Teacher Li appearing in many of my dreams. Later on, I realized that whenever I had any romantic feelings toward that male colleague, my husband would have an affair. This tribulation continued for two years. It was with Teacher's hints and a fellow practitioner's help that I managed to relinquish this attachment. After removing this attachment, I felt better and could concentrate more during Fa study.
After reading an article on the Clearwisdom website regarding finding our fundamental attachment, I began to ponder why I always slacked off when there were no tribulations in my daily life. I finally realized that after all these years of cultivation, I was satisfied with myself as long as there were no tribulations occurring. I was terribly ashamed, because a true Falun Dafa practitioner should not have such thoughts, and this was a fundamental issue in cultivation. Before cultivating Falun Dafa, I abhorred problematic daily life and I would try to avoid any problem encountered in my daily life by running away to a quiet place. This also meant that I had subconsciously used Falun Dafa as a sanctuary for me to hide away from my daily life problems. As I had a lot of human attachments, I felt that there were countless thick walls separating me from Falun Dafa and this prevented me from cultivating steadfastly. In the article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," Teacher said,
"Of course, most disciples who are in this state are that way because, at the beginning, they didn't realize that they had subtle attachments or were being interfered with by their own notions, and so the evil has exploited this gap and magnified those factors. I know that after you become clear on this you will quickly catch up, but you should take fewer detours on this most magnificent, divine path; not leave reason for regret in your futures; and not fall so far behind in terms of levels. That is my hope, your hope, and the hope of the beings who are counting on you."
I know that I have taken too many detours and wasted too much time. From now on, I must study the Fa well in order to remove my human notions and attachments quickly. I will help Teacher Li in Fa rectification to save sentient beings so as to fulfill my heavenly vows.