(Clearwisdom.net)
First of all, I would like to greet our great Master through Clearwisdom. For many years, I have been thinking of writing something for Clearwisdom and greeting Master through the Internet. However, due to my xinxing problems and the strong reaction of my body to the computer, I haven’t been able to learn computer skills. In addition, I was afraid that writing experience-sharing articles may affect my learning of the Fa. I cannot write well and type very slowly. I know there is a lot for me to improve in cultivation. Today, I am trying hard to finish this article with the intention of participating in and supporting Clearwisdom and to improve together with fellow practitioners as a whole body.
For a long time, I dared not and was unwilling to talk with anybody because after talking with them, I would feel uncomfortable and frustrated. Soon, I would enter a state of dismay and get very upset. I know that I am too aggressive when talking and therefore can easily hurt others. I have been looking within myself and trying to find out the reason.
Recently I realized that the standpoint I came from when learning the Fa and from understanding the Fa was not correct. Most of the time, I was looking outward. I measured others using the Fa and it had become a habit of mine. Usually when others would say something about me, I would feel that they hurt me and never think of cultivating myself or looking within myself. Instead, I would see other people’s shortcoming very clearly. I tried to find the parts in the Fa regarding the shortcomings of others and that seemed to match my personal understanding on this issue. Of course, there were elements of cultivating myself. But in most cases, my standpoints were to justify my unhappiness with others by using the Fa. When I realized this, I felt shocked because so many filthy things still existed in me. They existed on the microscopic level.
Today, I am writing it down in order to expose them and disintegrate them. I want to apologize to fellow practitioners who have been hurt by me. I did not cultivate myself well and have wasted a lot of time. For a long time, I have been in this tribulation but I didn’t know it. Instead, I have been wallowing in myself, in self-satisfaction that I have eliminated lots of evil in past years and have never stumbled. In fact, how could this be true? It is only that others didn’t know about my faults.
I am determined to change the habit of judging others with the Fa and I will genuinely look at myself, melting myself into the Fa, cultivating myself, saving sentient beings, and catching up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
