(Clearwisdom.net)
"A Dafa disciple should put the Fa first in everything he does--whenever you evaluate something you have to consider the Fa first." --Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston
This fundamental concept in cultivation practice was something I had not followed for some time. I had been rereading Master's lectures and articles, starting with those from 1999 and moving chronologically. When I came across this line, I knew it should be something I hold in my heart and always pay attention to. In reviewing my progress, it seems that when I truly did put the Fa first, this is when I would truly do well. I had reached what felt like a plateau in my cultivation practice, but I suddenly began to have some new realizations and breakthroughs. This started because I made myself put the Fa first, even technically by having Fa study be the first thing I did in the morning. Assimilating to the Fa should be my first priority, and then everything else will go smoother.
In recent months I moved to a new area and got involved in many Dafa projects. Because of having various skills, I became incredibly busy and felt myself getting stretched further and further. I was working on so many things that most weren't getting done well and some weren't getting done at all. Meanwhile, my Fa study became less and the quality was poorer because I could not stay focused. This battle went on for too long before I started to really look inside and assess the situation.
As I analyzed the situation further I started to see three main reasons why I had developed so many different skills. One was that whenever I would reach a certain level of skill, my ears were filled with compliments and I would soon be complacent. Being content with my ability, I would move on without the desire for further improvement. A second reason was that I was afraid to turn down a request for help. The fear wasn't about me not having enough time to do the project well; rather, it was fear of looking bad in the eyes of other practitioners and fear of conflict. The third reason--the most serious to me--was a fear of hardship.
For example, when I learned to play the guitar, I practiced hard for the first six months. At that point, I could get by with strumming some chords and playing some popular songs. After a few years of playing, I had reached a point where I had all the basics down--to take it further, I would have had to focus on reading sheet music, playing scales with a metronome and so on. All of these tasks are what I consider mundane drills and routines. There is no glamor or "fun" to them. However, if you ask any true professional, they all went through it and have mastered all of these so-called "mundane" tasks. That is why they are professionals. The principle of "no loss, no gain" is clearer to me now. I never wanted to suffer the hardship of going through things I didn't deem enjoyable, even though it was for the best in the long run. My vision was limited to the immediate, practical interests, and was unable to see the future. This mentality carried through to other skills, and while I never really gave up on any of them, in essence I did give up on being determined to refine all of them.
As I realized how I had fallen short, I was feeling satisfied that I was finally figuring out this long-term attachment that had followed me into cultivation and had hindered me for so long. Then it hit me--there was a more fundamental attachment here: I wasn't just avoiding the hardship related to honing and utilizing these skills, I was dodging every form of hardship! But if that were the case, wasn't I avoiding cultivation?
Master said in the poem "Falun Dafa" from Hong Yin:
Cultivating gong has a path
mind is the way
On the boundless sea of Dafa
hardship is your ferry"
So thoroughly attached to comfort, I feared hardship and ran from it. Rather than taking hardships as a good opportunity for improvement, I felt perplexed and troubled by them and almost felt like they were separate from my cultivation. The thought of hardship made me feel uncomfortable and it was amplified in my mind. Trivial anthills became mountains and the notion of "I can't overcome it" crept in. It was demonic interference from my own mind that made my trials more difficult. My human notions and fears were leading me astray while my righteous thoughts were restrained.
I had become one of those people who subconsciously saw problems as hindrances to my cultivation. I would think, "Let me fix this problem and then I'll go read, and so on." But really, wasn't I like that person in Zhuan Falun that wants to settle down his family first and then go cultivate? This was my wishful thinking that I could have a peaceful cultivation environment. The place with a lack of peacefulness is exactly the place to cultivate! I recall that when I first started practicing, while exercising I would think, "If I could just move my arm down a little bit, it wouldn't hurt so much and I could become tranquil." I was trying to find a comfortable way to suffer! Yet, if I could truly reach a state of tranquility in any situation, then wouldn't my level rise?
The process of working on projects as a cultivator is different than working on ordinary projects. Even if one is the best in a certain field, one must still cultivate. Since everything is related to cultivation, how could the issues arising within the work not relate? Yet sometimes I would find myself going about things in an ordinary way, with my main goal being to complete the task. Was I truly considering it as sacred Dafa work? Was I trying to look within, elevate and harmonize the project? Was I putting the Fa first? When I realized that I couldn't answer any of those questions with 100% affirmation, I knew I had gotten off track. I had become like a monk building temples and doing things, but not really improving my heart. My work had taken precedence and most of my time, but the sacred essence was lacking because my starting point wasn't deeply rooted in the Fa.
Examining my daily life, was I carrying myself as a Dafa disciple in all situations? Perhaps the superficial demeanor I projected was of a high standard, but that is only what other people can see. What I contain is what truly determines my level. In that sense, isn't every moment and every thought a test in cultivation? I had dismissed bad thoughts in my mind for a while, considering them as unimportant. Later, however, they became worse and more intense. Soon, human emotion was leading me along. I had a new realization about what evil enlightenment is. In my case it was when I came to an understanding based on emotion and then emotion convinced me that I was correct. Why couldn't I judge with the standard of the Fa? I had let my mind indulge in the ordinary dye vat of human society for so long that my clear thinking had been dulled. Human things will drag us away from the Fa if we let them, but Fa study strengthens all that is righteous, and only thoughts based on the Fa can truly effect positive changes. The path is so narrow and now I see what can happen if a single step is taken in the wrong direction.
One day I realized why it works when a practitioner says, "I don't acknowledge the old forces' persecution." It's not that it is actually those words taking effect like an incantation; it is the righteous thoughts behind them. In that moment, righteous faith and a steadfast will emerge sending forth godlike, righteous energy, completely eliminating the human notion that had been so thoroughly bound to the evil's arrangement. Why is it that it is so difficult for some to overcome an illness? Dafa is boundless and it isn't that this person is a special case; it's just that this person is so accustomed to having the illness and going through the hardship, he or she cannot let it go. Before when I read Clearwisdom, I went through the articles looking for so-called "key phrases." "Oh! This person said this, and the interference was gone!" Or "she thought that and she escaped from the evil!" But why wouldn't it work for me? My thoughts were human and could only imitate words on the surface, but I wasn't sending forth divine righteous thoughts that could truly effect changes.
I further realized that nothing on our path affects us by chance, and none of it is human. On the path to godhood, how could something of human origin play a major role? Of course, all these things may look human on the surface, but nothing is by coincidence--it was all arranged. So isn't it of a higher realm? Human thoughts can't budge these things. Human thoughts mislead, while righteous thoughts transcend.
A practitioner once told me her story about facing life and death with her daughter. It was such a moving story of sacrifice, steadfastness and righteous thoughts. But the biggest thing it taught me was determination. She was trying to get her visa to go abroad, but the visa system, which never breaks, had broken. If it didn't start working soon, she might miss her flight. How easy it would have been to follow the human mindset of "ifs." "If the system doesn't start working, I can't get my visa. If I can't get my visa I will have to cancel my flight and postpone the trip." And so on. Looking at it from within the situation, it would seem hopeless, but as a true cultivator with righteous thoughts in heart, it was only a test. She strengthened her resolve to go on the trip and refused to follow the tricky human thoughts in that downward spiral. She thought to herself, 'I am going no matter what.' Miraculously, the office clerk brought back her passport with a new visa in twenty minutes.
Master said in Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference:
"Those who do well will change the environments around them, and those who do poorly will make the environments around them change according to their states of mind."
Master also said in his lecture in Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference:
"If upon encountering trying circumstances your thinking can be truly righteous, then,when faced with the evil's persecution and when faced with interference, just one sentence of yours fortified with steadfast righteous thoughts can instantly make the evil disintegrate (applause), and it will make those who are being used by the evil turn and flee, it will make the evil's persecution of you dissolve, and it will make the evil's interfering with you disappear without a trace. One thought born of righteous faith is all it takes. And whoever can hold firm that righteous thought and go the distance will become a magnificent god forged by Dafa."
Every moment is a test of whether our thinking is human or divine. In the beginning of cultivation, it seems easier to improve because we are clearing away the big chunks of filth. Later on it becomes more difficult because we clear away the details and firmly-rooted attachments. It's like playing an instrument: After a short initial stage, one can play some simple songs and achieve the effect of playing an instrument. However, to truly ascend, one must focus on the details, refining techniques and mastering scales.
The attachments can be elusive and evasive! They can be so evasive that we cannot even find them, or when they surface, they seem so complicated. For instance, my attachment to being the best designer isn't the actual attachment. The attachments are really to competition, jealousy and selfishness. I could see competition and selfishness, but jealousy evaded me for a while. When I would hear someone say, "Wow! That person is so talented!" My first thought was, "I need to learn that! I could do it too!" I wanted that same respect, which revealed another attachment--to reputation.
One last understanding I would like to share is about failing tests. Along my path, I have not passed some tests well or have failed them altogether. Quite often I would get so upset and down on myself, it was hard to go on. In extreme cases, I would spend much time in regret and self-pity. While I was in this state, I could do nothing well. This mentality is rooted in emotion. When I was younger, I used to act sad so I could get attention from others when they tried to cheer me up. I subconsciously brought this mentality into cultivation, thinking that if I talked to other practitioners, they would cheer me up. Actually, what would happen when I spoke to them was not that they would patronize me or say what I did was ok. Rather, they would encourage me to do better, study more and keep righteous thoughts. That is indeed what I needed to do. Those self-defeating thoughts only serve to slow me down on my path of Fa-rectification, and the sentient beings that are counting on me cannot wait.
Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003":
"Just do well next time, that's all, and don't dwell on it as if it were so grave. If in your mind you take it to be so grave it'll create another situation where you feel pressured by regret and worry, and then you will sink into the attachment and you won't be able to break out of it. The whole cultivation process of a Dafa disciple is a process of removing human attachments. No matter what it is you've experienced, as soon as you realize the problem just correct it immediately; if you fall, just get up and continue to do what a Dafa disciple should do."
I came to a new realization of this when I had a conflict recently. It was something minor that was inconsiderate of a fellow practitioner, but I felt really bad about it. But then I realized that I should keep it in mind in the future, and become more selfless. Thus, instead of letting it interfere with me, I enlightened to a new understanding and strengthened my will to improve and become a more determined practitioner.
I would like to close with a poem from Master called, "Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions":
A Great Enlightened Being does not fear hardship
Having forged an adamantine will
And with no attachment to living or dying
He walks his path of Fa-rectification openly and nobly
Thank you, everyone, and thank you, Master, for always benevolently guiding me. Please point out any shortcomings in my limited understanding.
