(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time I thought I had found my fundamental attachment. However, now it appears that I am far from it. How does the fundamental attachment manifest itself in different aspects? Does a single thought or idea in my mind have anything to do with my fundamental attachment? I did not realize this before. I did not recognize rationally that it was Teacher who helped me accomplish all the projects that I did to validate the Fa. Rather, I thought it was I who accomplished them and I became complacent. I ended up stumbling big time and could not raise my understanding in the Fa for quite some time. I failed in many Fa-validating projects and failed to live up to the boundless compassion of Teacher and the hope of sentient beings.
I started to calm down and seriously study the Fa, as well as read experience sharing articles by my fellow practitioners. I haven't had the heart or inclination to read those articles for quite some time, as I felt there were tremendous obstacles. I had the excuse of being too busy before. But why did I not feel compelled to read them when I was not that busy? After I sent forth righteous thought to eliminate this factor that was interfering with my wish to share with my fellow practitioners, I calmly started to read issue 253 of "Minghui Weekly." One sentence in the experience sharing article entitled "Properly Recognize Various 'Illness Tribulation'-Like Symptoms" triggered my vigilance: "Why did I still cling to things of the past? If I was so attached to those things of the old universe, wasn't I still a being of the old universe? Since I had all the memories about my past history, information, experience, articles, and remembrance of the old universe, I constantly thought about them. Then I would still be a being of the old universe." I started to look inside to find my own attachment according to Teacher's Fa.
Before I obtained the Fa, I had studied Martial Arts Qigong. Even though I was not in excellent health, I did not have the notion of practicing Dafa to heal my illness. Yet, I had a tough time letting go of my attachments to Martial Arts Qigong because it appeared that there were no bad things in it. Yet Teacher stated in "Zhuan Falun",
"Practicing cultivation at high levels requires one to focus on one school and stay with it. If you follow a practice, you must give your heart to it until completely enlightened in that school. Only then can you practice cultivation in another school, and that will be a different system."
Thus I decided to cultivate in Dafa, because I thought that once I reached the enlightened state (kaigong) then I could go back and practice Martial Arts Qigong again. Later, through Fa study and experience sharing with my fellow practitioners I learned that all the Martial Arts Qigong things were all contained within Dafa. I finally focused on cultivation in Dafa because Dafa contains everything. On the surface I had let go of Martial Arts Qigong, but deep down, I never forgot about it. In my deepest thoughts, I often went through the motions and movements of Martial Arts Qigong. I still wanted to satisfy my urge to show off.
More critically, my intention of focusing on cultivation in Dafa still originated from the idea that "everything was embodied in Dafa." I still was seeking. How could it be genuine cultivation if I wanted Dafa to conform to my own ideas?
Teacher stated in "Towards Consummation" (Essentials for Further Advancement II),
"You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa."
I continued to look within myself. I had ongoing arguments with my wife, and I had been demanding her to behave and to act in ways that conformed with my notions. The fundamental nature of selfishness of the old universe propelled my seeking pleasure and happiness in the human world. Realizing this, I suddenly became aware that cultivation is very serious and that I must demand of myself a rigorous standard, so that every thought and notion conforms to the Fa. This isn't just for her, or for me. This is the requirement for Fa-rectification in the new universe. We must rectify all that is not righteous, assimilate what Teacher wants.
After I returned from being out of town, I settled down to a more stable living environment. I had some different ideas than a fellow practitioner when I was organizing the kitchen. Just as I was about to express my own opinions, I suddenly remembered the fundamental nature of selfishness. My own idea just vanished completely. I happily adopted the suggestions of that practitioner. Another fellow practitioner came from out of town. She was very diligent in Fa study and she shared a lot with local practitioners. Later, she shared some of her understandings with me and pointed out some issues within the group. Somehow, I had a strange feeling. What kind of feeling was this? I seized that little feeling and started digging deeper. It was jealousy. I had removed it again and again, so how could there still be space for it to exist? I suddenly realized again the effect of the self-oriented notions of the old universe. I am a Dafa disciple, and a being created by the Fa of the new universe. I must assimilate to what Teacher wants. Didn't this practitioner raise the level of our whole body? Shouldn't I be happy and joyful as a Dafa particle? As soon as my ideas changed, I felt very happy.
A fellow practitioner suggested to me that we could produce a batch of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party with a mini format and this again raised disagreements on the size of print. Yes, indeed, we are a small town, and most of our target audience were village farmers. Elderly people would have difficulty reading the small font, thus this would cause obstacles. On the other hand, a small format could save more paper for a given volume. Furthermore, it is easier to carry and not very noticeable while holding it in your hand. Even though it appeared as a minor disagreement, what was our basis? Were we trying to provide convenience to sentient beings or trying to make the job easier for us? The selfishness factor constantly affected our thinking ever so unconsciously. Did we let our own notions guide us for Dafa projects, or did we validate the Fa with our genuine wisdom and rationality?
The fundamental attachments within Dafa disciples have been one of the pretexts used by the old forces to persecute Dafa. We must find it at the root and eradicate it, in order to save sentient beings by thoroughly repudiating everything from the old forces. In order to do it well, we must study the Fa well. Everything in the new universe was created by the Great Fa of "Truth, Compassion, ForbearanceThis is the limited understanding in my cultivation. Please kindly point it out if there is anything inappropriate.
December 4, 2006