(Clearwisdom.net) During my cultivation I have experienced a wide range of feelings, including happiness, anger, grief, and joy. There have been laughter and tears, as well as danger and wonder. However, no matter what I encounter, I treat it all as good since we are on the path toward godhood.

I had a very strong fear mentality and I almost went out of my mind because of it. After coming back to Falun Dafa, I knew from the bottom of my heart that Dafa was good and should be cherished. I also knew of Teacher's merciful and arduous salvation. I was, therefore, determined to cultivate Falun Dafa through to the end, but I just could not let go of my fear. At the very beginning I was afraid that other people might know that I practiced Falun Gong. I hid the Falun Dafa books and practiced the exercises in secrecy. In doing Dafa work I was scared and felt like my heart was in my mouth. Whenever someone knocked on the door or the telephone rang, I would instantly be nervous. If I saw the police or a police car in the street I would also feel terrified.

When I went to hand out truth-clarification material for the very first time I was tailed, but I got rid of the tail with righteous thoughts. On returning home, I was trembling. Since I had this strong mentality of fear I would often have some unrighteous thoughts after coming back from a truth-clarification trip. It eventually led to demonic interference from my own mind, which went according to my thoughts. As a result, it caused a lot of trouble. I lost my job, caused great harm to my family and created obstacles to the saving of the people around me. I felt very bad.

My fellow practitioners encouraged me to stand up again after the fall. In order to make up for the losses and reduce them to clarify the truth so as to save more sentient beings, I repeatedly talked to leaders at various levels in my work unit about the persecution. I also clarified the truth and exposed the crimes of the Communist Party to whomever I met. Though I could not make up the losses, I found that my fear mentality was getting to be less pronounced and I was able to do Dafa work righteously and nobly. At the same time, my family environment also changed for the better.

When I read Teacher's new article "Pass the Deadly Test," I realized that we must openly expose the crimes of the persecution to help the Chinese people and the people in the rest of world know the evil nature of the CCP. Only by doing so would people leave the CCP, cast it aside, withdraw from it, and lose their interest in it. Only by doing this would people learn the truth and be saved. Therefore, I wrote articles about how the CCP had persecuted me and compiled them into pamphlets. I mailed or handed them out to people in an attempt to help them learn the truth. My fear mentality was getting less and less, my righteous thoughts grew stronger with each passing day, and my cultivation environment was also improving.

When the National People' s Congress and the National Political Consultative Conference were in session in Beijing, my fear mentality recurred and the unrighteous thoughts returned. All this made me panic-stricken. However, I had learned a lesson in the past so I tried not to be led by others but actively did away with the fear mentality and eliminated the evil factors. During the two conferences I studied the Fa in the morning and then sent forth righteous thoughts. In the afternoon I went to the vicinity of Tiananmen Square to send forth righteous thoughts. When I got to Tiananmen Square, I saw armed policemen, plainclothes policemen, security guards and law officers from the Beijing Municipal Law-Enforcing Bureau of the City Comprehensive Administration everywhere. The security was very tight; it was horrible.

The first day, I did not dare go into the square and only sent forth righteous thoughts at the Tiananmen Square bus station. The next day, I went with a stream of people from the southern side to the northern side of the Square, but the fear mentality was still there. On the third day, I had a much calmer mind. I went with a stream of people to go around the Square. The fourth day, the Square was under a curfew so I went to a nearby restaurant to buy something to eat. I located a seat, sat down and sent forth the most powerful righteous thoughts. The huge character of " mie" (eliminate) landed on the venue of the two conferences and I saw the evil forces turned into insects and then melted into liquid. I sent righteous thoughts for a good two hours and felt wonderful. On the fifth day, I went there again. Compared to the previous days I found that I was in a much better state and in high spirits. I walked steadily in the square with my head high. I shouted repeatedly in a very low voice while walking "Falun Dafa is good! Zhen Shan Ren (Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance) is good! Clear Teacher's good name!"

At that time I felt I was gigantic and sacred. I also felt light and happy. My fear mentality had been swept away altogether. On the sixth day, I went to the Square again to send forth righteous thoughts. That day I felt very relaxed. Although there were a lot of armed police, plainclothes policemen, and security guards strolling nearby, I felt as if there were no one else present. I sent forth the righteous thoughts in a calm state. I saw a lot of tourists sit in various places and, finally, I found a spot myself and sat down. A policeman came towards me as soon as I sat down. I did not have any fear at all and kept sending forth righteous thoughts. He simply went past me. Thereafter, I went to Tiananmen Square many times to send forth righteous thoughts. My fear was decreasing and my righteous thoughts were getting stronger. When my mindset was good it was a lot easier to do truth clarification.

Studying and memorizing the Fa made it possible for me to pay great attention to sending forth righteous thoughts. As a result, my righteous thoughts were getting stronger and stronger and the concepts from the old cosmos were fewer and fewer. After reading the two books, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Disintegrating the Party Culture, I really saw through to the true nature of the Chinese Communist Party, which is made up of a scoundrel gang that is guilty of unpardonable evil. Therefore, my thoughts broke the shackles of the old concepts and my heart was a lot purer than before. However, whenever I lowered the standards for myself or slackened in my cultivation or failed to pay attention to sending forth righteous thoughts, the evil forces would come back instantly and would take advantage of my loopholes. They would make me feel uncomfortable, or lead me to have conflicts at home or come across interference from the old forces. When we encounter things like that we must be alert and look inside ourselves to find our attachments. Most likely, it will be a result of having too little Fa study and, therefore, the human attachments will reemerge. If there is no righteous thought there will be no righteous action and, therefore, the evil forces will take advantage of the loopholes. At times like that I strengthen my Fa study and send forth righteous thoughts. Usually the bad symptoms will disappear. Whenever I came across interference I was able to break the arrangements of the old forces and totally negate them. When you can do that, then the interference will mean nothing.

On one occasion there was some kind of construction going on outside my window. Every day several construction workers hired from other places made so much noise. At the beginning I thought it was interference but, later, I thought, "Are they here to learn the truth?" Therefore, I clarified the facts with them and helped them to do the three withdrawals (withdrawing from the Chinese Communist Party, the Youth League and the Young Pioneers.) Ever since then my home has been quiet again.

I went to Tiananmen Square, Zhongnanhai (the headquarters of the CCP), the Public Security Ministry and the detention centers. The more I went, the less fear I had, and the stronger the righteous thoughts. I learned that when we run into conflicts or interference or persecution, we must look inside ourselves and make a concerted effort to let go of our attachments. Without attachments the evil forces have nothing to take advantage of. Thus it cannot persecute us.

With the reduction of the evil factors, my fear mentality has improved, the psychological pressure lessened, and the environment become more relaxed. However, in the process there were all sorts of bad thoughts, bad concepts and bad conduct on my part. The attachments that I thought I had let go pretty well reemerged. These include seeking ease and comfort, trying to save myself trouble, seeking fame and gain, being greedy for food, being excessively fond of sleep, being lazy and relying on others. The most dreadful attachment was the attachment of using Dafa to achieve my own gains. These attachments directly affected me in doing the three things Teacher requested us to do. Although I was doing the three things it became a mere formality and could not reach the desired goal. For example, in studying the Fa I failed to concentrate my mind, in sending forth righteous thoughts I could not keep myself in a calm state, and in clarifying the truth I failed to put in enough effort. When I studied the Fa, my eyes were on the book but my mind was thinking something else.

Since I did not study the Fa solidly I had not reached the standard of a practitioner. In a period of time, the evil forces adopted another method to persecute me. The manifestation was symptoms of sickness, including leg aches, backaches, headaches and sleepiness. Thereafter, I studied the Fa a lot and, one day, I suddenly thought that Teacher had already provided us with the best thing we could find in the world so why on earth should I still hold on to rubbish? Teacher provided us this great Fa, a ladder to heaven. Teacher also provided us the number one title in the universe "Fa rectification period Dafa Disciple." The Falun and numerous energy mechanisms Teacher has provided us are priceless and can not be gained even through several lives of cultivation. Teacher has provided us the best of everything so how could we not to cultivate to the best of our ability and not cherish this most precious time? Why should I still hold on to this rubbish from the human world?

Teacher said,

"Did you know that in order to save you the Buddha once begged for food among everyday people? Today, I once again make the door wide open, and teach this Dafa[1] to save you. I have never felt bitter for the numerous hardships I have suffered. Then what do you have that still can't be abandoned? Can you bring to heaven the things deep down inside that you cannot let go of?" ("True Cultivation" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

Reflecting on this point, I was in tears. Therefore, I got on my knees in front of Teacher's portrait to kowtow to him and kept reminding myself that I would never live up to Teacher's merciful and arduous salvation. I was determined to reach consummation. In the days to come whenever human attachments occurred when I was studying the Fa or doing the exercises I would think how I wanted to go to the world arranged by Teacher. I don't want the everyday people's stuff which is too filthy. Gradually my attachments reduced greatly and my heart became purer. As a result I am able to do the three things better.

I was very much moved when I saw some practitioners memorize the Fa. Some were able to recite three lectures a day and others would write from memory after they finished memorizing it. I spent more time and effort in memorizing the Fa. I was constantly in the Fa including the time when I was having meals, sleeping or walking. I achieved very good results whether I was doing the exercises, sending forth the righteous thoughts or clarifying the truth. Only by cleansing ourselves can we save more sentient beings. Currently, practitioners have a huge responsibility and are undertaking a great historical mission. Therefore I must go all out and plunge myself into saving sentient beings.

At the final stage of the Fa-rectification we must use all opportunities to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. Time is pressing. There are still huge numbers of sentient beings who haven't been saved. I am really worried. However, I have always found that there is not enough time. I do this, but have no time to do that. In clarifying the truth I act according to circumstances. I have adopted various methods such as talking, sending messages, putting up posters and other materials, as well as mailing. In order to produce more and better truth-clarification materials I set my printer to the continuous paper feeding mode and bought a CD/DVD burner. In choosing the consumables I always buy the quality ones so I can try my best to produce much nicer truth-clarification materials. Usually I ride my bike to go to residential areas to hand out and put up he truth-clarification materials after sending forth righteous thoughts in the morning and in the evening. I thought these time slots were better. Since it is rush hour and people come and go frequently, I will not attract other people's attention when I go there. On the other hand, people will pick up the truth-clarification materials sooner. It will be safer for me as well. With a compassionate and peaceful mind I normally finish in a very short period of time. Each time I feel that I did not bring enough materials with me. On my way back I go shopping using the paper bills with the truth-clarification information on them.

I memorize Zhuan Falun from early morning until noon, the time for righteous thoughts. I then begin to produce materials. If there are visitors at home I would dress well and take materials to clarify the truth in public places, face to face. This happens at public bus stations, inside the market or even strolling on the street. Sometimes, when I am riding a bike I am still able to clarify the truth to the bicycle rider next to me. I usually chat about some family chores first and then switch to social problems. Eventually I would tell them that the "Tiananmen Square immolation" was staged and persuade them to chant silently "Falun Dafa is good!" and "Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance are good!" since the practice will bring them good fortune. In this way many people have withdrawn from the Chinese Communist Party and its subordinate organizations. Even though some people were unwilling to do the three withdrawals at that moment, they have at least learned the truth of the persecution of Falun Gong. When we use the wisdom Teacher has opened up for us to clarify the truth, it will go very naturally, smoothly and harmoniously.

I often go to parks to clarify the truth. Usually I dress well and take a camera with me. I chat naturally and casually with the people in the park. While strolling I tell them the truth of the persecution of Falun Gong. In clarifying the truth in parks I have more time to explain even more clearly to those people who have predestined relationships. Sometimes I bump into fellow practitioners. One day I met a fellow practitioner who came from another part of the country. She had not received Teacher's recent articles and "Clearwisdom Weekly" for quite a long period of time. Therefore, she was feeling very low and even had symptoms of sickness karma. When I clarified the facts to her we recognized each other. She cried owing to her excitement. She said it was arranged by Teacher and Teacher did not let her lag behind. From that day onwards she was able to read "Clearwisdom Weekly" again and now she is doing the three things very well. What's more, I also come across former practitioners. I always encourage them to come back and tell them Teacher is waiting for them.

With the advance of the current of the Fa rectification the evil factors have been eliminated and the control of the worldly people by the old forces is getting weaker and weaker. Therefore, it's becoming a lot easier to clarify the facts to people now. The key point is whether we are able to let go of ourselves, our selfishness, our old concepts, and the CCP's evil party culture. If we only have one thought, the thought to save more sentient beings, then we are able to save more people.

One day when I went to a park to clarify the facts, the park management was knocking down a flowerbed in front of the gate. Many people were there to pick up flowers. I went over and picked flowers while clarifying the truth to them. In two hours more than 10 people withdrew from the CCP and its subordinate organizations.

In the evening I listen to Teacher's Fa lecture with my son for about an hour. When he is doing the sitting meditation I am in his company. After the sitting meditation it is time to send forth righteous thoughts. We go to bed after the righteous thoughts. We do the first four sets of exercises in the early morning. Though my son was preparing for the university entrance exam and time was very tight, he would study the Fa no matter how busy he was. It's our duty to help the young practitioners. He and I learned the Fa together. At the time he was only 11. Dafa opened up his wisdom and he had prominent achievements in Chinese traditional music instruments. What he achieved was under Teacher's compassionate care. Without Teacher's help he could not have achieved such outstanding marks. I would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude to our venerable Teacher.

We must cherish Teacher's merciful and arduous salvation, cherish this most precious time of all the ages, cherish our own sacrifices and the sufferings that our families, relatives and friends have faced, as well as cherishing the support of the overseas practitioners in fulfilling the practitioners' historical mission.