(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young Falun Gong practitioner who has recently started to make Dafa truth clarification materials. While setting up the material production site, I experienced many tribulations.
After reading many practitioners' articles about how to overcome the difficulties for setting up home truth clarification materials sites, I wished that I could make some truth clarification materials at home. I know how to use my computer to break the Internet blockade, but I didn't have either a printer or a CD burner. My computer skills were not good enough and both my parents were not practitioners. In the beginning, my wish seemed impossible to accomplish. However, Master is merciful. He saw that I had this wish. For a special occasion, my parents bought me a CD burner, and I started to build up a home materials center.
After I got the CD burner, I discovered that it was out of order. No matter what I did, it would not function properly. I recognized that this was interference caused by the evil to test my steadfastness to Dafa. I returned it and obtained a new one. I started to learn computer skills for downloading files and cryptographic hash functions like md5. In the beginning, I really did not have an idea about what they were. However, under Master's step-by-step guidance, I gradually understood all the details.
Once, I had to spend a lot of time burning many CDs at home. My attachment to fear surfaced. I was wondering what would happen if my parents came home and discovered what I was doing, and I worried about it. The condition of my computer reflected my condition. When my attachment to fear surfaced, the machine did not work smoothly any more. It seemed that the computer and the CD burner were both stuck. The more nervous I was and the faster I wanted to finish the work, the less the machine would produce. At last, the machine completely froze. I could only shut it down. When I restarted the computer on the second day, I found the CD burner was out of order. I could not burn CDs anymore. I became even more worried about the situation.
At the same time, my computer became infected with many viruses. As a result, it could not be correctly turned on any more. I felt that this was not right and started to look inward to find the reason. My attachment to fear had caused everything. Wasn't my purpose to make truth clarification materials to save sentient beings? Why should I feel scared? It was my incorrect mindset that made the computer malfunction. The old forces used all their efforts to try to destroy all my work. When I enlightened to this point, I decided to let go of my attachment and rejected the arrangements of the old forces. I must do Dafa's work in a dignified and upright manner. After I let go of the attachment to fear, I asked someone to fix my computer, and my CD burner also began to function correctly. I understood that it was because I had assimilated to the Fa and decided to get rid of the attachment that my computer started to work again.
After the CD burner incident, my computer sometimes still had some problems. I followed the suggestion of a practitioner to install specific anti-virus and privacy software. I thought that my computer was safe, and I was sure that it would not be infected with viruses any more. My zealotry surfaced. I scanned my computer with the anti-virus software frequently. I felt happy about viruses being eliminated. As a result, troubles returned. The more I scanned my computer, the more seriously the computer was infected by viruses. I could not even open the files containing Dafa's material or browse the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom).
The more troubles I had, the more that I depended on techniques instead of searching inward. As a result, my computer needed to be re-built, and my parents blamed me. When they found any of my mistakes, they blamed Dafa. I felt very bad and knew that I was taken advantage of by the evil. Therefore, I started to study the Fa. Master told me how to get rid of the zealotry and the attachment to depending on others, and that I should not pay attention to false impressions. When I really followed Master's requests, I discovered that my computer was up and running again. I did not have to use any complicated anti-virus software or other techniques; everything was just back to normal again.
Another issue that needs our attention is that our truth clarification materials are most effective only when our minds are clean and clear. The money I used for purchasing CDs was all from gifts I'd received in the traditional red envelopes ("good fortune money") from relatives during Chinese New Year. Once I wanted more money from my parents, so I lied to them, saying that I had to purchase some books and needed more food for lunch at school. But the actual reason was that I did not want to spend so much of my own money to make truth clarification materials. What a bad mental outlook! As a result, my parents not only refused my request but also called me a miser. At the same time, they tightly controlled how I used my money. Even if I really needed some money, they wouldn't give it to me easily. I felt very bad. After looking inward, I found the bad attachment quickly. I swore that I did not want it anymore. When I look back, actually they always give me enough money for lunch. What I spent for CDs was my savings from Chinese New Year.
That test was crucial for me. Actually, it was exactly targeting my attachment to profit. Before I could totally let go of the attachment, one more thing happened. My grandmother is also a practitioner. Once when I had to purchase some blank CDs, I asked her to go with me with the intention of letting her pay for them for me. I thought, "The CDs are for clarifying the truth. If she supports me and purchases the CDs, she can establish her mighty virtue." This was a bad attachment, an attachment to protecting my profit. When we went to the store, we could not find the correct type of CD. I started to realize that I was trying to do something wrong. However, I did not want to waste a trip to the store and picked up a different kind of CDs. After I got home, I found that they did not have sufficient storage to do what I needed. I looked inward and found that my mental capacity was not enough, and I was still attached to profit.
After this test, I realized how strict the requirements are for Dafa practitioners and how important it is to have a clean heart.
Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
February 3, 2007