(Clearwisdom.net) In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said,
"A cultivation way is for seriously cultivating Buddhahood, and it's incredibly wondrous. One little change will wreck the whole thing. The process that evolves gong is extremely complex, and what you can feel doesn't mean anything. So you shouldn't cultivate by feel."
The later the stage of Fa-rectification, the higher requirements we are facing. Any impure thoughts or ideas are interference with damaging effects. If we are unable to recognize such interference and eliminate them through Fa-study, they will cause difficulty for our cultivation and saving sentient beings during the Fa-rectification.
I started to practice in 1998. I knew this was what I had been looking for, and that I had come to this life for the Fa. Since the persecution started, with faith in Teacher and the Fa, I have used righteous thoughts to oppose interference and persecution.
I own a small business and have a relatively decent life in everyday society. This made me arrogant and I tended to order other people to do things. Although influenced by the Chinese Communist Party culture, I still assumed I was a good cultivator. I have also been doing the three things and feeling content. I considered myself a diligent practitioner and did not realize that cultivation is very serious. Some practitioners with their third eye open also said I cultivated well. Unwittingly, the attachment of zealotry and showing-off became very severe, thinking I had the ability to do this and do that.
To make things worse, I had an attachment to accomplishing more things to validate myself. Without noticing it, I assigned a low priority to the Fa. Even during sending forth righteous thoughts, my body moved back and forth. I was thinking about fame and personal gain all the time, as well as having conflicts with other people. My main spirit was not strong enough and did not realize it even after my mind was controlled by rotten demons. There was trouble after trouble at work and endless interference. Feeling tired in both mind and body, I was severely suppressed mentally. There was less time for Fa-study and sending forth righteous was just like posing. I did less and less to save sentient beings and even had some fear over truth-clarification.
However, at such a critical moment, I did not rectify these as a Dafa disciple should do. Instead I hoped to find a way out in everyday society. With such filthy thoughts, I did things that a practitioner should never ever do involving the issue of lust. After doing the wrong deeds, I was very regretful, seeing one layer of my cultivated body dissolved. I also saw two degenerated beings--like fair ladies--holding their hands together, singing and dancing in front of me.
I was shocked, and realized I had been enlightening along an evil path. I was clear that Dafa was the most righteous, and it was my attachments that led to such a severe omission. As a result, the evil beings could take advantage of it and found an excuse to destroy a sentient being.
After cultivating for several years, I knew that it was the human elements in my cultivation that led to such a dangerous state. I sent forth strong righteous thoughts: even if I restarted from the beginning, I would still cultivate in Dafa, and would return to the origin. I would not acknowledge anything imposed upon me, since they were not things I wanted. Starting from that moment, I began to calm down to study the Fa and do the exercises. I constantly purified my mind and eliminated all the impure thoughts. I eradicated the evil elements and anything interfering my calming down to study the Fa.
Now I truly understand what cultivation is. It is not like looking at others or feeling about others; it is not pursuing certain accomplishments, either; it is a process of constantly purifying oneself. In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said,
"......when a person gets rid of the attachment it turns out that physical item doesn't have any effect, and that what really interferes with a person is the attachment."
It was because my mind was not pure that things became complicated and demonic. With a truly pure heart that can harmonize everything, any impure thoughts, notions, karma or other elements can be completely eliminated.
In "Pass the Deadly Test" Teacher said,
"The truth is, losing this opportunity of the ages and not fulfilling the real purpose of coming to this world are more terrifying than the attachment of being too ashamed to face others. Cultivation is cultivation, and cultivation is about getting rid of one's attachments, putting a stop to bad human behavior and all kinds of fears, including the human attachments of being afraid of this and being afraid of that. You went down a wrong path because of your attachments and fears to begin with, and now, when you want to come back, you are again being held back by fear and letting it block your return."
The reason I wrote this down is to share with fellow practitioners that, no matter what mistakes we have made, we should never ever give up cultivation. Teacher cherishes us and will not abandon us. It is the old forces and rotten demons that want to destroy us. We should not let shame or other concerns ruin our future forever--which is exactly what the evil beings want. These are not arranged by Teacher and are not indispensable steps during cultivation. We need to hurry up in studying the Fa, purifying ourselves, and returning to the righteous path. Teacher is waiting and expecting good news from us.
The above are some understandings during my cultivation; please point out anything improper.
