(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998. However in 1999, when Jiang's regime started to persecute Falun Gong, I completely gave up my cultivation. In August of last year, I resumed the practice.
During the seven years in between, I constantly thought of returning to Dafa, but I knew I had left when Master and Dafa were in the most difficult time. Although I knew that Master is merciful and he will not give up on me because of the mistakes I made, I still felt unworthy. I felt that I was already so bad. Even if I returned to cultivation, I had a stain on my path because I gave up Dafa at the beginning of the persecution. I let Master down and betrayed Dafa. Later, with my mother's help, I started to think about returning.
Master saw the changes in me. He gave me a hint in my dream. I was in a place similar to the Chinese countryside (China's countryside symbolizes poverty and backwardness to many). I wanted to go home but I was lost. I kept running and trying to find the way home. After I woke up, I could still remember the scene in my dream very clearly. My mother told me that Master wanted me to begin cultivating again as soon as possible, but my attachments interfered with me and the feeling of unworthiness engulfed me. I still could not make up my mind to return to cultivation. I had the dream every night for a week. In the final dream, I was lost again in the countryside. I wanted to go home and left the village I was in, but some local people tried to catch me. As fast as I ran, they chased me. There were also many people standing along the way who besieged me. I ran and hid and finally I ran out of the village. I looked for the way home along the road. I climbed a mountain to the top. But when I arrived the top, I found there was no way to go home. So I had to go back down again. Finally I came to a bus station. There was one last bus left. Just when I arrived at the opposite side of the station, I saw the bus was full of people and it started to move away slowly. A few people in the bus put their heads out of the windows and waved to me. It looked like they knew me. I was very anxious and I wanted to get on the bus too, but the bus had already started to drive away and it could not stop. So I had to watch the bus driving away with tears in my eyes.
After I woke up, I could not calm down for a long time. I knew that Master had given me a hint to show me how to follow him and return home, the home where my true life originated. I was really grateful for Master's forbearance and compassion. He still did not give up on me even after I had forsaken Dafa for many years and He still gave me hints again and again until I returned to the cultivation of Dafa. At that moment, I decided that I would never give up cultivation and I must follow Master back home.
From that moment until now, when I am lazy, or I have had other interference, or I have to endure frustrations while clarifying the truth and want to give up, I remember that dream. I remind myself that I need to go home and Dafa cultivation is the only way for me to get there.
After I returned to cultivation, I understood that we need to do the three things well. When I first started to clarify the truth and tried to persuade people to withdraw from the CCP, I did not know how to persuade them and I was afraid of many things. I could not always have righteous thoughts and righteous actions. After continuous Fa-study and reading other practitioners' experience sharing on the Minghui website, I gradually learned how.
The first time, I clarified the truth to a colleague and persuaded her to withdraw from the CCP for her own safety. I asked her, "Have you ever heard about this before?" My colleague's answer embarrassed me for a long time. She said, "I don't know. Nobody told me before." I understood that she did not complain about me, but I knew that because I had stepped forward so late, it was my fault that she had not withdrawn from the CCP a long time ago. I delayed saving sentient beings and for that I am very regretful. I do not want to disappoint the sentient beings who entrust their hopes in me. Since then, I truly understand the meaning of the three things that Master wants us to do. When I clarified the truth before, I did not truly understand what a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple is. I just had the thought of "returning home". That thought is so selfish. Right now I understand that the responsibility of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples is to save the sentient beings.
Right now many people in the world are kings and gods from different paradises. They came to this world to acquire the Fa. But many of them were deceived and blinded by the CCP's lies and evil propaganda. They forgot what they have been waiting millions of years for. So Dafa disciples should tell them the facts as soon as possible to wake them up. When the Fa-rectification ends, the kings and gods who haven't woken up will not go back home and numerous sentient beings in their worlds who entrusted great hope in them will be eliminated. Dafa disciples clarify the truth not only to save a person, but also to save numerous sentient beings in a paradise. After I understood this, I realized my great responsibilities as a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple. I cannot destroy the sentient beings who are waiting to be saved just because I did not cultivate diligently. Every time I sang the song "Praising Master's Grace", I was very excited:
"Recollecting from an ancient memory, curtains unfolded, sonorous pledges still resonate near the ear, sacred vow still remembered in the heart. We come for the sentient beings. Assisting Master in Fa-rectification we are not afraid of the bitter sea. Master you lead us to walk though the tribulation. You manifest the mighty virtue of Dafa in wind and rain. All the heavenly beings applaud you, for bringing the most precious predestined chance to all the sentient beings. You lead the sentient beings walking toward the future. The radiance of Dafa shines into the universe forever."
I just wanted to share my experience with fellow practitioners. I hope that practitioners who gave up cultivation or deviated from the righteous cultivation way as I did can return as soon as possible. I hope that all practitioners can fulfill the vows we made with Master long ago and understand that our waiting for millions of years is just to acquire the Fa today and return to our original home. Let us eliminate all interference to our hearts to cultivate. Master has not given up on any Dafa disciples.
As a sentient being, we need to seriously think about why we came here and what we want to do here. Even though we know the truth, we do not want to give up our human notions, and we risk losing our predestined chance forever. When the Fa-rectification ends, for all the lives who ever had the chance to practice the Fa but let it pass by, where will they go? Cultivation is our own choice that nobody can replace. We need to think about it. If we waited for millions of years but we finally lost the most precious chance just because of our human notions and attachments, what does this mean to a life? I hope that all practitioners will cultivate diligently and follow Master back home, for our own eternal happiness, and for the beings in our paradises.
The above is just my personal understanding. Please kindly point out to me if there is anything inappropriate.