(Clearwisdom.net) Our local Fa-study group met yesterday. Before we started, I told everyone about something that had happened at work. I told them how I had handled the conflict. One practitioner said that he did not quite agree with what I had done. He said, "You could've done it this way......" Immediately I explained that the reason I did it the way I did was to consider others. After we stopped talking, another practitioner took out his camera and said, "I just recorded your conversation. Listen." Hearing to my own voice, so loud and fast-paced, I noticed that I had been focused on arguing, vindicating myself, and refuting the other's comments. As a matter of fact, I had already noticed the tone of my voice during our conversation, but I still behaved that way.

A few days ago, I saw an article on the Clearwisdom website that talked about a cultivator's speech and tone of voice. The article mentioned a student of Confucius named Zhang, who said, "When a person who has not cultivated well discusses things, he talks any which way and is often presumptuous and opinionated. He is good at picking on others' faults. He stares at others with his eyes wide open. His words seem to shoot out of his mouth he speaks so quickly. He speaks very eloquently, like boiled water, and he replaces reason with emotion. He is stubborn." When I read that, it seemed that the article was talking specifically about me. I copied the paragraph down as a future reminder.

And today I did it again! I knew that this was not a coincidence. It was time for me to face my attachment. When others had different opinions, I vehemently defended myself. Wasn't I holding on to the "old self" and not letting it go? I did not follow "Forbearance" at all, not to mention demonstrating "Compassion."

When comparing the reactions of the practitioners from Taiwan versus those from China when problems occur, Master said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles:"

"If a Taiwanese student hasn't done something well, he will listen to you if you point that out to him, and he won't be defensive. But when a student from mainland China hasn't done something well and others point it out to him, he will immediately say, 'You don't know what happened. The situation at that time was such and such.' (Teacher chuckles) (Audience laughs, applauds) He knows that it's not good for a cultivator to directly rebut what is said. So he tries to shirk responsibility in a roundabout way, to defend himself in a roundabout way."

I personally believe that the reason Taiwanese practitioners do not defend themselves is because they want you to point out their shortcomings that they themselves have not noticed. They wish to find their shortcomings so they can eliminate them. Then they can do better next time. This is how one can elevate oneself to a higher level in cultivation. When I was defending myself, I was actually holding tightly to my "old self." I was measuring things against the old forces' standard to conceal my own faults so that I would not change, not to mention improve! Can this be called cultivation? I was ashamed of myself.

When I hear a differing opinion, my tone of voice becomes unfriendly. This is still a reflection of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture within myself. The Party culture has severely interfered in my truth-clarification and in my ability to convince people to quit the Party. I need to regard this issue very seriously. Cultivation is to cultivate one's heart. Solidly changing oneself is practicing genuine cultivation. I understand that if I can constantly deny and eliminate my "old self," I will constantly improve.

Written on October 10, 2008