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Sitting on a Golden Fa Boat

Presented at 2009 Singapore Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference

Nov. 5, 2009

Greetings to Master, greetings to fellow practitioners!

I learned of Falun Dafa's teachings in October 2007 through a relative. I would like to share my experiences with Master and fellow practitioners at this sacred conference.

1. Learning About Dafa

I had been weak since I was little, and often caught a cold or had a fever. I had headaches all the time and had type B hepatitis prior to cultivation. My parents spent over 100 thousand Yuan for my medical treatments, without any results. I had to drop out of high school in my senior year because I was too sick. I was anxious, depressed and emotional. I tired after saying only a few words or walking a few steps. When I went overseas to study, I contracted severe entero-gastritis that lasted for two years. The excruciating pain is unforgettable. A month after I learned Falun Dafa, all my illnesses were gone. My personality became more positive, generous, and kind.

I practiced Falun Dafa because I wanted to become healthy. I had a discussion with my husband on the purpose of life and whether God exists. I found my husband had always believed in God and was so sure that we did not come here just to become human. I was thrilled. Fa study made me realize I would never know how profound the Fa is. Now when I think about how I started to practice Falun Dafa with such dirty notions, I feel shameful. Yet Master still saved me.

A week after I began the practices, Master started to purify my body. My legs festered and became unbelievably itchy. My husband kept helping me to be firm in righteous thoughts: "Master is cleaning your body, and this is a good thing. You must persevere." I passed the first test. After I recovered there was not a single scar on my legs. This is the first time that I witnessed the miracle of Dafa in person. After that, whenever I suffered karmic retribution I told myself, "It's a great thing that Master is helping me to clean my body. I only suffer a little bit compared to how much Master suffered for practitioners around the world." At times when tribulations hit hard, I remembered what Master said in Zhuan Falun,

"Can't you overcome such a petty tribulation? Everyone can make it."

2. Improving Xinxing

Prior to my cultivation, my parents, relatives, friends and colleagues had a good impression of me. They praised me a lot. No matter how busy I was, or how late I had to work, I always rushed home to cook dinner. My colleagues told me I was a good wife. But after I started genuine cultivation, I did not pass my first xinxing test very well.

Soon after I started the practice, my in-laws came to visit us. Before they left, my mother in law told me, "Your father in law and I couldn't have lived here for one day." I was shocked and wondered what I had done wrong. I believed that I treated them just like I did my own parents and had no ill feelings toward them. I decided that I would do better next time they came.

A month later, my in-laws visited again. Before they left, my mother in law still said the same thing, "You have improved a lot but we still don't feel like being here for more than one day." I got angry and felt sorry for myself. After they left, I realized I truly did not do well. I was so used to being praised and feeling complacent. I thought I did quite well and knew how to look inward. I was so far from the requirement of the Fa and being tolerant.

"To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator." ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" Essentials for Further Advancement)

Later I went to Singapore and met local practitioners. I couldn't understand the easy and relaxed practice environment, which was very different from what I was used to in China. I often heard local practitioners ask one another to look inward. Hence I occasionally reminded other practitioners that Master wanted us to look inward, and each one of us should look inward.

One day practitioner A pointed to me and said, "You are so crafty! You must have been a bad person before you began to practice. You make oblique accusations and attack by insinuation. Do you think we can't tell? Many practitioners have opinions about you. You can only do the sitting meditation for half an hour; how dare you lecture others? You are irresponsible and often behave senselessly."

Hearing what A said I left smiling, thinking what Master said in Zhuan Falun,

"some people may say that you are bad, yet you may not necessarily be bad. Some people may say that you are good, but you may not really be good. As a practitioner, if you assimilate yourself to this characteristic you are one that has attained the Tao--it's just such a simple principle."

I thought I was fine as long as Master thought I was right. I was using the Fa to protect myself without knowing it.

When I got home, I thought that it was pretty easy to stay undisturbed. But when I sat down to study the Fa, a strong attachment finally hit me. I felt so wronged and upset. I realized that it was an opportunity to improve and to look inward. I found my unwillingness to be lectured to, and attachment to face. I still couldn't calm down. Fa study let me find more attachments.

First, practitioner A said I was crafty. When I shared experiences with other practitioners, I would say what I had in mind in a straight-forward manner to practitioners I believed to be diligent. To practitioners I thought had more human notions, I would speak more gently. I actually wanted to protect myself - I fear other practitioners would be unhappy after what I said and think unpleasantly of me. I also wanted to please other practitioners.

Master said in Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore: "I often say that if a person is free of any personal notions, isn't motivated by self-interest, and is truly looking to benefit others, then when he points out another person's shortcomings or tells the other person what's right, that person will be moved to tears."

Second, I shared a lot with practitioner B because I thought she was a good practitioner, was diligent, and had good enlightenment quality. I did not take the Fa as Master. I became dependent on a practitioner, which was dangerous for both her and me. There are no role models in cultivation; every practitioner has a different path. What you are enlightened to is what you understand at your level. What a practitioner with better enlightenment quality understands is not necessarily what you should understand.

Third, I thought I was being responsible to other practitioners and trying to help them improve. Master had told us that He would expose every practitioner's attachments, whatever it takes. What I saw was what I needed to eliminate - my attachment to other practitioners' attachments.

After this painstaking process of eliminating attachments I felt much more relaxed and brighter. I was sincerely grateful for Master's arrangements.

3. Recognition, Personal Gain and Human Notions

I knew that practitioners needed to do the three things Master asked. Initially, I always looked for things to do because I wanted to do something for Dafa. I did not treat myself as a particle of the Fa. I was eager to do things and only things I liked to do. I couldn't persevere in doing many things. I was not and could not be considerate of other practitioners.

Eventually I joined a group to talk to Chinese tourists about the persecution; about what is really going on in China with Falun Gong. That was when I really began to offer sentient beings salvation. Initially I did not quite know what to say to people. Once I gave a copy of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party to a tour guide. She asked me some questions that I did not know how to answer. She laughed at me, "You people are crazy. Why don't you get a job while you are young and stop messing with this stuff." I tried to restrain myself because I did not want her to further misunderstand Dafa. I did not try to save her; I tried to explain myself. After I figured out what to say to her and tried to apologize, she said out loud in front of a group of tourists, "Look, this is what Falun Gong is like - they keep harassing you. Don't apologize, just stop bothering me."

My attachments to personal recognition and not wanting to lose face hurt me. I thought to myself, "Right, what am I doing? People like tour guides are not even worth my attention. Now I had to lower my voice in front of her." I felt so wronged and cried. A practitioner told me later, "No matter what, you have to persevere." It's been a long time since this happened, yet the practitioner's words still linger in my ears. It was like Master was telling me not to give up.

Conflicts arose later on between practitioners who worked at this tourist place. There was also interference from outside. Cultivation is not teamwork. Everyone needs to face his own problems and tests. When the environment is good, one might not feel pressure. When the environment changes and one becomes the only person, do you continue to practice and rescue sentient beings?

I found my path in the practice and chose to continue the truth-clarification work. I remember how afraid I was the first time I stood in front of a display to demonstrate the exercises and clarify the truth. My legs were shaking, and my stomach was twitching. I felt that evil beings were looking at me. I refused to give up and go home. I remembered that I am Master's disciple and should not be afraid. I asked for Master's support to eliminate the fear so I could do what a Dafa disciple should do, openly and nobly.

After what I had gone through, I finally understood the meaning of Master telling us that whatever we experience during our cultivation - whether good or bad - is good.

I no longer consider handing out fliers as clarifying the truth. I no longer consider the tourist spot as a place simply for doing group exercises. When my cultivation state was positive, I had no fear and no desire to fight or to save face. I had no other thought but to rescue sentient beings. My every word could get into people's minds and help them understand the truth.

When I set up Falun Dafa displays, sayings from Master's articles often appear in my mind,

"All beings, quickly come to! Traps have been planted in the heartland 'Tis for the Fa that all have come Why are you not sensible?" ("Gods, Awaken", Hong Yin Volume II) and "How many can be saved by mercy? New graves cover the landscape of China Proper" ("The Cleansing", Hong Yin Volume II).

I tried not to let peoples' attitudes affect me, especially those whose minds are poisoned.

The truth clarification process made me realize the importance of cooperation and improving as one body, based on the Fa. When I help a person quit the CCP, I know that without other practitioners' contributions, this person may not know the truth and quickly want to quit. Other practitioners have worked hard making newspapers, websites, sending emails, making phone calls, and risking their lives to deliver fliers door to door. When a person is given the opportunity to be saved, I know clearly it is not just because of me. All practitioners are working together to make things work harmoniously so people will be saved quickly.

4. Riding the Fa Boat

I have many attachments yet - the pursuit of comfort, fear, and competitiveness. I am very attached to my family and often get attached to others' attachments and ignore my own. I remember a practitioner used to say that compassion is an eternal state of a God. I often remind myself that when I am not being compassionate toward fellow practitioners and sentient beings, I am an ordinary person. In my practice I continuously try to correct the deviated notions formed throughout millions of years so I can better rescue sentient beings.

Some of my family members have done bad things toward Dafa. I couldn't let go of my emotions and worried about them. I couldn't reason with them and was so worried that I cried. Later on I saw my ego. I know that if other people violate Dafa I wouldn't be so worried if I couldn't get them to change their minds. When I became anxious, I lost my compassion. My human notions prevented me from better clarifying the truth.

We have suffered so much for so long, so we could come to the human world to help Master rectify the Fa and rescue sentient beings. That is our sole will and purpose. It's an enormous task and responsibility. It is hard, but it is what we have been waiting for. Master almost exhausted all he has for us and for numerous beings. We must cooperate well and rescue more people with compassion and righteous thoughts. We cannot let our majestic Master worry about us.

Thank you Master, thank you everyone.