(Clearwisdom.net) I recently read an article entitled "Letting Go of Self" on the Clearwisdom.net website (http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2009/4/23/106732.html). One of the paragraphs touched me deeply. The fellow practitioner wrote, "When we have strong attachments to time, our hearts are fearful and we do everything possible to treasure time. We go to great lengths to 'save time' and 'get things done,' which indicates a strong attachment to self improvement and consummation. We try to get everything done, but family or others may still complain about us. Why does this occur after we try so hard? The reason could be that we didn't abandon our attachment to time. When we stop such thoughts as, 'I need to read' and 'I want to improve,' we are letting go of selfishness. Only by putting down selfishness can we consider others first. When we regard ourselves as practitioners we have the calmness of enlightened beings, and regardless of what we do, we do it well with a stable and earnest mind."
The fellow practitioner's words were reasonable and awakened me. I came to understand that the attachment to time is not only an attachment to the time for the conclusion of the Fa-rectification, it is also an attachment to the time when we are cultivating and when we are doing Fa-rectification work! After reading the fellow practitioner's article, I looked at myself. I saw a huge difference between us, and I was so ashamed of myself. For example, yesterday when I was reading the Fa in front of my computer, my mother-in-law tried hard to have me taste some food she liked. But I told her sternly that I did not like that kind of food, and I refused to taste it. Deep inside I was actually afraid of my Fa study being disturbed. This made my mother-in-law very unhappy, "I had a good intention, but you didn't appreciate it!" At that moment I saw my selfishness! Another example was when my husband said to me, "Today, why don't you buy something and go to see your mother!" I told him that my mother didn't want to see me too often, and that she didn't want me to spend too much money on her. Actually in my mind I was afraid of my Fa study being disturbed. Unhappiness showed up on my husband's face, "Why don't you understand my kindness toward you and your mother?" At that moment I saw my selfishness. Another example was that my son, who attends elementary school, always complained about my preparing food without cooking. He complained that the meal was always simple and light. My husband had also complained about me doing little housework and spending all my time reading the Fa. Although I didn't talk back and silently accepted their complaints, in my mind I was afraid that cooking and doing housework would take time away from my learning the Fa. At that moment I saw my selfishness!
I rarely considered my family members' feelings and only thought about my own improvement, ignoring the fact that others also need care. My mother-in-law was so kind to me, but I didn't appreciate it. My husband cared about me and my mother, but I had no gratitude for his kindness. My mother raised me, but I did not even want to send a greeting, not to mention visit her. My son is still young and growing, so why can't I spend a little more time to cook a few more dishes? How could I talk about "selflessness and considering other's first" this way? How could I save lives this way? In the last six months, I have read through all of Master's lectures twice and memorized Zhuan Falun two times. However, regardless of how much I study the Fa, if I don't conduct myself according to Master's teachings and according to the principles of the Fa, what was the Fa study for?
In the early morning today when I was studying the Fa, Master's words suddenly and deeply touched my long-term mind of selfishness,
"So things are not merely as you envision them as you go about cultivating. Though you are to regard cultivation as primary, you can't think no other things are important, thinking your family is unimportant, society is unimportant, etc., and that nothing else is important. Balancing all of those parts of your life well is the path that you are to walk." ("Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006")
When I was studying the Fa earlier, this paragraph didn't catch my attention. Today, this paragraph was like a hammer that heavily knocked on my selfishness, and it was like a "stick warning!" This compassionate blow made me wake up! Actually, benevolent Master had already seen through me. In order for me to discard these everyday mentalities, Master arranged for me to read the paragraph in the fellow practitioner's article to treat my "syndrome of being attached to elevation." Then Master showed me the related paragraph in the Fa to help me to discard the everyday mentality and become a truly "selfless" enlightened being through cultivation! I am very grateful for Master's graciousness -- the graciousness of Buddha that I have no way to pay back. All I can do is be more diligent and hold powerful righteous thoughts to do the three things well and to save more lives!
When I was determined to discard the attachment to time and to expose the attachment, I felt my mind become clear and bright, and the impurities vanished without a trace. My whole body felt energetic! It was really like Master mentioned in Zhuan Falun, "After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!"
Let us do better to harmonize our world and save more lives. Especially for us middle-aged practitioners with parents and children to take care of, we should balance our family and our cultivation. We should take good care of our elderly and educate our children well, and we also need to care about our spouses. We are here together in one family due to thousands of years of predestined relationships. We must treasure these relations and lead our family members to the Fa to have them truly understand the truth of Falun Gong, in order for them to be saved!
Please point out any mistakes.