(Clearwisdom.net) I feel ashamed that I, a Dafa practitioner, let the old forces take advantage of me and persecute me. I decided to share my cultivation experience for three reasons: 1) to expose the evil's actions, 2) to remind myself, and 3) to encourage practitioners with similar experiences to wake up sooner and become better cultivators.
I started practicing Falun Gong in July 1998, which seemed "natural," but was something I had awaited for thousands of years. Whenever I practiced the exercises I saw a yellow chrysanthemum under my foot, held by a Taiji symbol. I developed many supernormal powers and abilities, and many of them were similar to those described in Zhuan Falun. I had the ability to see inside a human body, just like an x-ray. I could see clearly the bones and the dark areas around the bones. I could see the vessels stuffed with many little things shaped like bugs in a high blood cholesterol patient. One of my diabetic relative's body was full of excrement. After a brief period of his practicing Falun Gong, only a thin layer of this remained. Once the persecution began in July 1999, he became fearful and gave up cultivation. When I saw him recently, his body was dirty again.
I discovered that drowsiness is a form of demonic interference, meddling by a deity from the Three Realms. They look like flies. The closer they are, the more drowsy the person becomes. When they stay away, the person is less drowsy. When the meddlers are on the person, the person will fall asleep. The meddling entities usually act on the upper part of human body, and most of them stay in front of the person. When the person sends righteous thoughts, they leave or temporarily disappear.
From my viewpoint, an attachment or desire is a living substance and looks like a turtle. Its colors are a mix of gray and white, with light gray strips. It stays on one's chest. It becomes large when one has more desires and small when otherwise. It is difficult to let go of personal attachments. We can eliminate attachments through cultivation. The turtle-like substance can be really big--larger than a person--so that the person feels tired. When it is smaller, the person feels less tired. This substance exists whether one is a non practitioner or a cultivator, it's just that they are different in size.
Even though I have supernormal powers, which allowed me to see things, I was ashamed because I did not treasure the opportunity to cultivate, which only comes once in millions of years! I did not cultivate diligently. I am embarrassed that I let Master down. Master compassionately pointed out my problems several times, but I still could not be awakened and enlightened. I did not realize it until I almost let the old forces take complete advantage of me and cause me to lose my life.
On March 3, 2009, I started to pass blood, which continued until 6:00 p.m. the next day. I was weak, sweat a great deal, and could not speak clearly. I was hospitalized. Other practitioners visited me the second day I was in the hospital. They encouraged me to go home, to study the Fa, and to do the exercises. I left the hospital on the third day but felt weak again once I got home. I was dizzy, and my heart rate was high. I asked Master for help and yet still had many attachments, such as wondering, "Have I lost too much blood?" No matter how sick I was, my husband did not care, which made me more nervous. "If something bad were to happen to me, would I discredit Dafa?" I grew uneasy and wanted to return to the hospital. As soon as I had those thoughts, I saw and heard two white substances come out of my chest. I knew that Master was there to help me and to purify my body.
At around 8:00 p.m. that day my husband asked if I wanted to go back to the hospital. Although I felt Master's help, I still hesitated and was fearful. I ended in the hospital again and had blood drawn. The results were normal, and I went home.
Once home I felt worse than before. I was very cold, my whole body shook, my heartbeat was fast, and I moaned. My husband was scared and called 911. When the ambulance showed up, I felt better. I went been back and forth between the hospital and home several times. I felt better when I was in the hospital, but worse when I was at home. The doctor could not diagnose my condition. I did not realize my problem. Instead, I complained about the poor skills of the doctor and hospital, and prepared to go to a better hospital in the state.
Other practitioners visited me. They sent righteous thoughts with me and shared cultivation experiences. They tried to convince me that I was experiencing interference from the old forces rather an illness. I should completely negate the old forces' arrangements. Master would not put a genuine Dafa practitioner in danger if one was a true cultivator, as He reminded us. I was suddenly awakened and felt much better. I ate the soup they brought. With other practitioners' help, I focused on Fa study, let go of attachments, and completely believed in Dafa and Master. Finally, the illness symptoms disappeared.
But the old forces did not give up. They concocted many horrible sounds and shadows to scare me. They called my name, mentioned that I was dying, and other things. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate those bad elements and interferences and studied the Fa diligently. I told myself that Master would protect a Dafa practitioner. Quickly, all the interferences disappeared.
These experiences made me aware of the following: 1) every attachment can turn into a reason for being persecuted, 2) the problem cannot be solved if one still has attachments, 3) Master does not give up on any practitioner if we firmly believe in Master and Dafa; every problem or hardship can be solved or overcome. I will treat myself as a practitioner during Fa-rectification period, do the three things well, and be worthy of Master's compassionate salvation.