(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong when I was 28 years old. That was 13 years ago, after I had been married for one year. We had a peaceful marriage. After I started practicing Falun Gong, I felt that I should conduct myself according to the standards of Dafa. In regard to married life, I would be unyielding. I thought it would be best if I could completely stay away from it. My husband was very sensitive and unhappy about my reluctance. However, it was not an issue as I was pregnant.
In 1999 when the persecution started, my daughter was one year old. This problem surfaced. My husband thought that I put Dafa in a more important position than he and my daughter, and he was very unhappy about it. As for me, I looked down on him because of his selfishness and cowardliness. Our relationship worsened. I brought up divorce many times, but my husband did not agree. Sometimes I also had the desire of lust, which was very strong at times. I was very confused when that happened.
Master said,
"There is not an issue of eroticism between husband and wife, but there is lust. As long as you can take it lightly and feel right in your mind, it will be fine." (Zhuan Falun)
Through studying the Fa, I gradually realized that a Dafa practitioner should not be attached to sentimentality. At the time when Dafa is being viciously attacked and slandered, one should let go of self and wholeheartedly join the effort in Fa-rectification. As to my husband's physical needs, I should conform to ordinary society and fulfill my wifely duty. On the other hand, I need to be clear that I am a practitioner. I should not refuse or indulge in it. As time went by, my desire became weaker and weaker. When I was home, my husband also experienced the changes Master described:
"The other day I said that the Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities. In other words, the energy scattered from our bodies can rectify all abnormal conditions. Therefore, under the effects of this field, if you do not think about these things, you will unintentionally restrain your spouse as well. If you do not and will not think of them, your spouse will not think of them, either." (Zhuan Falun)
This is not the end of the story. About six months ago, I discovered that my husband was having an affair. I thought about it while studying the Fa and realized I needed to look inside when conflicts arise. Even though I was dedicated to my work and my family in these years, I did not care about him and looked down on him. I did not care about things that he loved and did not really put myself in his shoes. This is not the state of a practitioner. I realized that a practitioner should take hardship as a good thing and be tolerant. No matter what we encounter, we should not complain.
When I found my shortcomings, I immediately changed. I hoped that my husband would stay with me so that he could be closer to Dafa and not fall down in this vicious human world. However, if he was determined to leave, I would let him go. With this decision made, I did not ask about or mention his affair and went about my own business. Several months later, he changed his mind. In addition, he respected me even more than before. His affair did not become a big issue in my life. Doing the three things well is the most important. I am happy that my husband and I passed this test together.
Once I let go of the attachment of lust and desire, the righteous field and deeds of a practitioner became stronger and stronger. In my work unit, there are some people who always chase after good-looking women. However, they dare not to do anything to me.
It is the last stage of the Fa-rectification period. How to face the last attachment is the question every practitioner needs to face. I hope that my experience will help those fellow practitioners who are facing the test of lust and desire.
Please kindly point out anything that is not appropriate.
February 18 2010
Category: Improving Oneself
