(Clearwisdom.net) Many of my family members are practitioners. In my big family, we have six practitioners. They are my brother, my sister-in-law, my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, and my niece. However, in such a good environment, I wasted nine years of precious time. In those years, when I was happy, I'd read a few paragraphs of the Fa or practice the Dafa exercises once every few days or a week. I didn't send forth righteous thoughts. I didn't make truth-clarification materials. Occasionally, I clarified the truth to people. Essentially, I wasn't a real Dafa practitioner. I started to practice Dafa over ten years ago, yet it's only been three years since I truly stepped forward to solidly cultivate myself. Even though I didn't do well as Dafa practitioner, Teacher didn't give up on me. When I think about how Teacher cared about me and how patient Teacher has been with me, I feel very ashamed of myself. Here I'd like to report to Teacher and fellow practitioners on how I changed in my cultivation.
Awakening
In 2008, my daughter finished her college entrance exams. I joined group Fa-study. From then on, I was on my way back to my real home together with fellow practitioners, and I got rid of my doubts about Dafa. I had two family members that passed away due to the persecution and therefore I used to question whether I should continue with practicing Dafa. I also removed my worries that others might laugh at me if they learned I practiced Dafa. In fact, previously I never told anybody that I practice Dafa. I'm no longer lazy or wasting my time any more. Like a child that knew nothing but playing, I suddenly woke up. I realized that I had wasted so much of my time that I should have spent on cultivation. There was a huge gap between my fellow practitioners and me. How could I ever catch up with those diligent fellow practitioners? I became firmly determined to study the Fa more, send forth righteous thoughts more, and save more sentient beings! I must catch up with my fellow practitioners quickly!
So I downloaded all of Teacher's Fa-lectures and new articles to my eBook. I started from the beginning. Once I finished one book, I continued with the next one. I felt I improved at the speed of light. I can't describe how happy I was for my own improvement! How come I wasted nine good years in my cultivation?! I was very glad, yet I had deep regrets for myself as well. I swore that I would become a qualified Dafa disciple! From then on, with Teacher's guidance and encouragement from fellow practitioners in my Fa-study group, I melted into cultivation. Since then, I feel I have been changing and improving every day.
Since I joined the Fa-study group in 2008, I have been responsible for several Dafa projects, including printing booklets and Minghui Weekly, burning discs, writing truth-clarification letters, editing truth-clarification texts, explaining the facts about Falun Gong through cell phones, helping fellow practitioners download MP3 files, downloading phone numbers and assigning them out to fellow practitioners, publishing statements for the people who quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations, distributing flyers in our local area by myself, taking the bus to go to remote areas far away together with fellow practitioners to distribute information, hanging up banners, posting stickers, talking to people face to face together with senior fellow practitioners in villages, and explaining the facts to people that sit next to me on buses when I get a chance. Other times I would memorize the Fa. I have been very busy every day. When there is a need for materials, I usually work on them until after midnight. after sending forth righteous thoughts. Then I'd get up at 3:30 am with my 83-year-old mother to practice the Dafa exercises together. Sometimes I only slept for two or three hours. During the daytime, I was full of energy at work. I never felt tired or sleepy. I have truly enjoyed the experience of melting myself into the Fa!
A Small Flower Quietly Blossomed
I talked to the coordinator in my area, “I can make materials. Let's set up a materials center at my home.” At that time, I didn't have my own computer or printer. I only used the computer and printer at work to print out copies of Minghui Weekly. My husband is not a practitioner, yet. I discussed with him about purchasing a laptop, and we had a desktop computer at home already. When he learned I'd like to have a laptop to produce Dafa materials, he was very upset. With the help of a friend, I bought a laptop. I said to fellow practitioner “A”, “I'm hoping to learn how to burn discs.” He gave me a disc burner that no one was using at that time. It could only produce one disc at a time. He asked me to learn how to burn discs one at a time. I knew how to use computers, but I had no idea about how to burn discs. With patient help from practitioner “B”, I learned how to do it. I was so glad the first time when I saw the disc that I produced being played so clearly! Thank you Teacher! Thank you fellow practitioners!
Teacher probably saw in my heart that I wanted to be more diligent. A few days after I purchased the laptop, a fellow practitioner in my area who had been responsible for producing materials had a job transfer. He left all the machines to our area. Our coordinator assigned a laser printer and a color printer to me. I used the laser printer to print booklets, Minghui Weekly, and Teacher's new articles. I used the color printer to print posters, bookmarks, truth-clarification flyers and the like. From then on, I became able to provide fellow practitioners with materials. Later, practitioner “A” discussed with me that we needed a more efficient disc burner. He asked me whether I could buy one. I said yes without any hesitation. Since then, I have picked up a new task, which is to create truth-clarification discs for our area. The little flower has blossomed ever since then!
There were two interesting stories with the printers and the disc burner. Initially, I thought it would be no problem for me to use the printers since I use computers and printers at my workplace all the time. Those two printers used to be Fa tools of my fellow practitioner. But when they first came to me, they didn't cooperate with me at all. They'd either have paper jams or failed to print out anything. I didn't do anything wrong in my operations, but I just couldn't print out anything. Occasionally, I got something printed out at first, but then it would generate errors as if they were trying to laugh at me. Later, I remembered an experience sharing that I read on Minghui Weekly. The fellow practitioners said that we should treat our machines as our Fa tools and we need to communicate with them. I calmed down and said to the printers, “You came for the Fa too. We are all working to save sentient beings. Don't behave badly any more. You probably don't think I'm qualified to use you, but I will cultivate myself well!” It was so amazing that those printers seemed to understand me since they started to print very well since then. Occasionally I made a mistake in my operations or they sometimes had very minor issues. Other than that, they have been working very well. I talked to them very often. I praised them when they did a good job, “You are so good!” We have been coordinating very well with each other.
I learned how to burn discs one at a time, so I was very confident that I should be able to figure out how to use the multi-disc burner. But later, I realized they were two totally different things. The fellow practitioner only gave me a quick demo and proved it worked. When I tried to use it, I couldn't locate the destination folder. I had to reset everything. Still, it didn't work. I went to the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) to search for related technical articles, but I didn't find the model that I have. I was very worried. The more worried I became, the worse the situation was. I came to realize that maybe I was too attached to the issue. I studied the Fa and waited for a couple of days. After two days, I communicated with it. Meanwhile, I asked Teacher to strengthen me and help me. When I tried it again, it worked! Even now, I still don't know how I was able to make it work. I can only say that Dafa is supernormal!
Removing My Attachment of Fear and Creating a Good Family Environment
My husband learned Dafa before the persecution started on July 20, 1999. He didn't study the Fa much when the persecution started. Due to the pressure placed on him, he gave up. He isn't against Dafa. When he was practicing Dafa, I hadn't started yet. When he stopped, I started. His bottom line is: I can practice Dafa at home but should not be going out to distribute Dafa materials. One day, I went distributing flyers at the building where the head of our local police substation lived. I had gone there before and it went well. I still had the attachment of fear. I carried a bag and distributed materials from the first floor all the way up. When I reached the fourth floor, I bumped into the head of our local police substation, who was coming downstairs. His family lived on the sixth floor. I guess I wasn't being very rational at that time since I should have distributed information from the top floor down to the first floor. I didn't think about what he would do after seeing all of our flyers. When I finished and came down, I realized he had collected all the materials that I just distributed. I went out of the building and saw him waiting for me outside. As soon as I came out, he said, “Don't do this any more!” Of course I knew what he was talking about. I pretended I didn't know and said, “What are you talking about? I'm confused!” He said, “I'm confused too!” I just left and went home. To this day I regret that I didn't clarify the truth to him.
When I came home, my attachment of fear became stronger. I failed to realize that I should send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil beings and elements behind him and my own attachment of fear. I had all sorts of crazy thoughts that he'd report on me to my husband and how badly my husband would fight with me. What if he reported on me to my managers at my workplace? The more I thought about it, the more afraid I became. I simply couldn't calm down.
Around noon the next day, he indeed reported on me to my husband. When my husband came home after work, he was very mad and shouted at me. I knew it happened since I pursued it. It wouldn't have happened if I kept strong righteous thoughts when distributing flyers. It appeared my husband had gone mad under the control of the evil elements behind him. The more he shouted, the more crazy he became. He used the worst words that he could think of. Several members on my side of the family were repeatedly persecuted by the evil party. My brother, sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, my niece were all illegally arrested and imprisoned at forced labor camps. They were brutally tortured. My brother died from the persecution. My husband witnessed all of this. Therefore, he was scared. I went to another room and sat down to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil beings, elements, and rotten ghosts behind him. After that, I said to him calmly, “If you tried to stop me before, you might have succeeded. However, now let me tell you this – I will practice Dafa. Period. Nobody can stop me!” Then I picked up a bowl and started to have my dinner. Maybe the evil was shocked by my firm thoughts and stopped controlling my husband. Immediately, my husband stopped the drama. I made it through. I know it was Teacher that cleansed the fear from my dimensions.
When October 1 was approaching, my husband came back and told me the head of the local police substation called him to the substation and had a talk with him. They asked my husband to let me know that they would be tightening things up and I shouldn't go out distributing materials. They claimed it was for my own good. Besides, they knew everything that I did, and I was going out there with a fellow practitioner who is on their blacklist. They warned me that they'd search our home. They said they cared about me. In fact, they were trying to threaten my husband and stop me from going to Tiananmen Square to appeal for Falun Gong! I thought, “Well, I should definitely clarify the truth to you now that you made me your target!” I hoped every day that I'd bump into the head of the police substation again so that I could explain to him the facts about Falun Gong. However, I never met him again and he didn't go to my husband again. Still, I didn't forget about clarifying the truth to him. Later, I wrote two letters to him. Just like Teacher said in his poem,
“Should you have fear,
it will seize upon you
If thoughts are righteous,
evil will collapse...”(“What's to Fear” from Hong Yin Vol. II)
As I continued to study the Fa and practice Dafa exercises, my xinxing improved as well. When I made truth-clarification materials, my mom would cook for me. Therefore, I tried my best to take care of other chores. Since my cultivation level wasn't that high, I couldn't change my temper right away, but I learned to be more tolerant. Previously, I could never tolerate anything. I had a very hot temper. Regarding respecting and caring for parents, I let my parents-in-law live in my newly renovated apartment. I gave them money on a monthly basis. I also paid all their medical bills and the other expenses like water, electricity, gas, and etc. My parents-in-law lived far away from our workplaces. Still, I went to visit them once or twice every month. Because of this, my husband changed a lot. Later he didn't complain much when I went out distributing materials at night as long as I didn't come back too late. Eventually, I'd directly tell him that I'd go out doing Dafa work at night and he didn't object to it either. Occasionally, when I was late for my group-study, he'd say, “Just go, I'll do the dishes in a minute.” Or when I missed my Fa-study, he'd ask, “Why did you not attend group study today?”
Make the Best Use of My Skills to Write Compassionate Letters to Save People
Before I started to practice Dafa, I liked writing letters. My letters to classmates, families, and friends were very warmly received. I came to realize that it was my specialty that I should use to validate the Fa! I started my journey to save people by writing truth-clarification letters to them.
I still remember the first letter that I wrote to a classmate. My heart wasn't pure. The letter was lengthy - about seven or eight pages. And the letter was full of strong sentimentality and quite fervent due to the impact of the CCP culture. I was craving greatness and success and I was showing off my writing skills. I didn't realize that the letter was over-weighted. How could such a letter save anyone? How could the evil not take advantage of me? After I mailed out the letter, I called my classmate to verify he had received it. He said he didn't. At that time, I didn't believe him and I wondered whether he really received my letter or not.
With more Fa-study, I was given more wisdom. As I sent out one after another truth-clarification letter, the contents became more powerful to save sentient beings. Now I'd keep my letters updated based on Fa-rectification progress. For example, I'd update the total number of people that have quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations and the Fa-rectification status of the world. If I knew the person that the letter would be mailed to, I'd modify the letter based on his or her education background. Sometimes I talked about the stones with Chinese characters in them. I also talked about how Dafa was spread around the world, the staged Tiananmen Square self-immolation incident, why they should quit the party, organ harvesting from practitioners, the brutal torture, prophecies, and so on. I'd make sure the letter was concise and not too long. Sometimes I'd also mail a copy of Minghui Weekly when the contents were applicable. To make sure the letter was not over-weighted, I kept it to two pages. I'd print on both sides of the paper. I tucked in a small piece of paper on both sides of the letter so people couldn't see through the envelope to find out the contents. Every once in a while, I'd send a letter to a fellow practitioner to confirm the letters were being successfully delivered. After I finished writing the letters, I would sometimes ask my daughter in college or a niece to help mail them out. They are not practitioners, but they support me in doing this. The other times, I either asked fellow practitioners or I'd mail them out by myself. I bought stamps from a wholesale market. I either purchased envelopes myself or asked fellow practitioners to do that for me, to be cautious. After I mailed out the letters, I'd send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil beings and elements to prevent any interference, so the truth-clarification letters could be successfully delivered to people. I also hoped the people that received the letters would learn the truth after reading the letters!
In the past couple of years, I mailed letters to people from all walks of life, including the head of the Public Security Sub-Bureau, the head of the police substation, the head of prisons, the chief of hospitals, the general managers of factories, school principals, teachers, CCP secretaries of different places, managers, staff members, and others. I'd send multiple letters to some of them when needed. So far, I have written to people in almost all the bureaus in my local area.
I noticed that every time I worked with a new way to save people, there would be interference. I also noticed that many of my attachments would be removed when I continued to work on those things. Teacher said,
“The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings. What's key is to not let them take advantage of the gaps in your state of mind when you do things.” (From Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston)
When texting still hadn't become very popular, I was already hoping to use it in truth-clarification. However, I wasn't diligent with Fa-study at that time, so I was lazy and had a strong attachment of fear. I was trying to use texting as a shortcut to save people. I searched for such a tool. I found something called “texting to groups,” which claimed the tool can send dozens of messages at one time. I looked for more information on this but couldn't find more. People said it was a software program. I didn't know much about it, so I was afraid that I'd be tricked. Therefore, I left it alone. Some time later, the coordinator in our local area said we'd initiate such a project and do a group purchase of cellphones. He asked who'd be interested in joining. I volunteered right away. After we received the cellphones and the associated accessories, the coordinator gave us a demo on how to use the software and how to edit a group of phone numbers. I thought we'd then be able to send messages, but we ran into issues with purchasing phone cards. When we finally got that resolved, it had been such a long time that I forgot how to use the software, so I had to start over again. After that, I thought I'd be able to start sending texts to others. Still, I failed since I didn't use the new cell phone properly. I was repeatedly given tests during this process. I persisted until eventually I succeeded. At a first glance, you might say there was a lot of delays, but it helped me remove my attachment of getting anxious. I became more patient and my determination to save people became even stronger.
The above are some of my personal experiences and understandings in my cultivation. I have a lot more to cultivate, for example I still have attachments of fighting with others, showing off, zealotry, getting anxious, pursuing fame, physical interests, and qing. My words are not always compassionate. My voice is loud and fervent. I still carry some of the CCP party culture. I might have taken an opposite way to my true home if Teacher didn't wait for me with benevolence; or if Teacher didn't hold my hand and carry my burdens for me; or if fellow practitioners didn't encourage me or support me or tolerate my shortcomings! I know it is because I didn't have solid and enough Fa-study that I still have so many attachments. I will study the Fa more, do the three things better, and strive forward together with other fellow practitioners! Let us together fulfill our prehistorical vows, reach consummation, and follow Teacher home.
Thank you Teacher! Thank you fellow practitioners! Heshi!
