(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Gong in 1996, and have encountered many trials and tribulations over the years to help me improve in my cultivation.
Getting rid of selfishness
Fellow practitioners helped me set up a Fa study group at my home in 2008. It was at the same time as the Fifth Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China convened. By reading the experience sharing articles and listening to the sharing of local practitioners, I realized that I lagged far behind in my cultivation.
I retrieved my notebook computer that I'd previously hidden because of my fear of it being found by the police. As I couldn't find a practitioner with the skills in computer technology, I had to learn how to install the necessary software myself. However, it did not install properly and the computer stopped working. When it couldn't be repaired at the computer shop, I had to take it back to the factory for repair. This process took over one month to complete. I became really anxious. A practitioner pointed out that being anxious was also an attachment. I thought that setting up a materials production site at home was the correct path to take, as it was arranged by Teacher. So why was there so much interference? Fellow practitioners helped me to look inward. Was my purpose for setting up a materials production site for saving sentient beings, or for being afraid of lagging behind and not being able to reach consummation? If it was for the purpose of reaching consummation, then I was only validating myself and not the Fa, and that was the path arranged by the old forces. I began to worry. One practitioner shared that there was no reason why we couldn't reach consummation, as the Fa is so enormous that everything will be resolved benevolently. If I was worried about reaching consummation, then there must be a problem in my understanding of the Fa.
I began to study the Fa with a calm mind, wanting to identify my problems and the purpose of my cultivation. I realized that my fundamental attachment was selfishness, and it was the manifestation of the selfish nature in my mind. However, I took it as my own. This meant that I'd accepted the existence of the old forces. Teacher asked us to totally negate all the arrangements made by the old forces and to not even accept their very existence. However, I was still on the path arranged by the old forces without even realizing it.
I had been studying the Fa with human notions, and used these notions to understand the Fa. Teacher rectifies the Fa to save sentient beings. The process of Fa-rectification is to save sentient beings and fulfill our vows. Teacher has given us the greatest honor of the cosmos. This means that our responsibilities and mission are far beyond personal consummation. In the past, I did the three things that Teacher asked us to do, but my actions were based on selfishness. I was in fact validating myself, and used human notions to do Dafa work, with no righteous thoughts or actions. No matter how much I may have done, it was the same as a non-practitioner doing Dafa work. To keep up with the pace of Teacher's Fa-rectification, we must study the Fa well and use righteous thoughts derived from our cultivation to negate all the old forces' arrangements, and eliminate our selfish human notions.
Looking inward and becoming a particle of the one body
I learned how to download materials, burn DVDs and print truth clarification materials. I became a technical adviser for our area, and was able to patiently help fellow practitioners learn how to use the computer.
However, with one particular practitioner who I taught for over a year, she still hadn't learned how to use the computer. I patiently taught her at first, but gradually I became impatient, and eventually I didn't even want to visit her home. I told her that her failure to learn this skill was due to fear, and gave her examples of how fast someone else had learned to use the computer. She smiled, but didn't reply.
Her response made me think. If someone had lost patience with me and was trying to tell me that I was incompetent, I'd have gotten angry a long time ago. I thought that her xinxing level must be very high. I had an opportunity to listen to her experience sharing, and understood her determination and belief in Teacher and Dafa. Comparatively speaking, I was lagging far behind her. I looked inward. I tried to determine the reason why I'd failed to see this fellow practitioner's strong points, and always focused on her shortcomings. I also said things to irritate her. This wasn't being compassionate. She was my fellow practitioner and a particle of our one body. Was there anything that I didn't do well that attributed to her failure to learn how to use the computer? I found that I had an attachment of looking down on her and my negativity unknowingly added bad substances to her dimension. After I discovered my human attachment, the bad elements were eliminated.
Several elderly practitioners couldn't afford computers, so I downloaded and brought truth clarification materials to them, added the names of those who wanted to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) on to the 'Quitting the CCP' website, and helped them set up a Fa study group. When I showed them how to use their MP3 and MP4 players, they would work fine while I was around, but as soon as I left they had problems using them. When I went back to have a look at their problems, I could find nothing wrong. I had to go back quite often to help them. I tried to help them to look inward, and we found that they were fearful of the players breaking down. I told them that the players are now Dafa instruments and will be very reliable. I explained that this was a human notion, so we must eliminate it; otherwise, these players would indeed break very easily. They agreed that their thoughts were incorrect.
One of the elderly practitioners called me and asked me to come and fix her player. On my way to her home, I wondered how it could possibly be broken again, because I had fixed it only a few days earlier. I wanted to remind her to look inward. However, as soon as I entered her house, she said excitedly, “See, it broke again, so you must look inward yourself!” Hearing this, I stopped myself from saying what I had planned to say, and thought, “Elderly practitioners are really troublesome. I have traveled a long way, and yet whenever problems occur they ask me to look inward. What am I supposed to do?”
After I returned home, the words “You must look inward!” kept ringing in my ears. I thought about why they were afraid that their players would break. I realized that I had an attachment of being unwilling to work with the elderly practitioners, because I didn't want to take care of their troubles, or listen to their complaints. As a result, I treated elderly practitioners as a burden. These incidents were targeting my attachments, so I needed to eliminate them. Our cultivation covers various aspects, so whatever happens isn't accidental. This means that we have something to eliminate.
Several of my colleagues are also practitioners, but we seldom meet up. When we did meet, it was mentioned that there was a need to gather and share our experiences. I only thought about my personal cultivation, and believed that I had nothing to share, so I wasn't that keen on the idea. However, it was agreed that we go to a practitioner's home one day. I didn't go because I had other things to do. When we agreed on another time, I was late for the meeting, as I was occupied with something else. When I did arrive, the practitioners there were upset with me. I wasn't moved, and only smiled at them. I felt guilty in my heart for wasting their time and took it as a hint for me to improve my xinxing. But I failed to look inward at a deeper level. After changing my notions, I went to see them and suggested that we set up a Fa study group. They were pleased to hear this, and some of them even told me that they believed I had previously only cared about myself. I felt ashamed for my selfishness and failing to fulfill my responsibilities. The good thing is that I still have time to cooperate well with fellow practitioners and play the role of a particle of Dafa.
After our Fa study group was established, our cultivation status improved swiftly. We often used the time after Fa study to share our understandings on how to save our colleagues. Half of my colleagues read Falun Dafa books before the CCP began persecuting practitioners on July 20, 1999. However, most of my colleagues stopped practicing when the persecution started. Some were even afraid to contact those of us who continued to practice, even after a very long period of time. Others even went and learned different forms of qigong exercises. We decided to find as many former practitioners as possible, clarify the facts to them according to their specific situations, and at least try to help them to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
At first, we spoke to people about quitting the CCP without coordinating with each other. However, we later realized that there were cases where two of us had approached the same person. Since people were very afraid of the CCP, they had a strong mentality of self-protection. They didn't dare tell anyone that they'd quit, and also didn't want to tell practitioners. Therefore, we decided to coordinate with each other better, and clarified the facts to them on a one-to-one basis. Most of my colleagues have now quit the CCP, and some have published their solemn declarations on the Clearwisdom website. Several former practitioners have even started practicing Falun Gong again.
Every time my work unit participated in large-scale activities, we sent righteous thoughts together to eliminate any interference from the old forces. In the past when we gathered together, our colleagues would be very wary of us, and our management would purposely separate us practitioners from the group, and assigned people to monitor us. Our environment has become more relaxed now, and those who previously monitored us have announced their withdrawal from the CCP. We now all meet in a righteous and dignified manner. One colleague assigned to monitor me was promoted and became my boss. He not only quit the CCP, but also asked us to pay attention to our safety. Seeing the sincerity on his face I felt quite happy for the future he'd chosen for himself.
Category: Improving Oneself
