(Clearwisdom.net) As a Dafa practitioner of more than 12 years I had always thought I did pretty well when it came to cultivating diligently and working hard to assist Master with Fa-rectification, so I was baffled when the evil recently interfered with me. I turned to the Fa to find an answer.
The following passage of the Fa struck me particularly:
“Why don't you stop and think about it: Why is someone interfering with you? Why is it able to interfere with you? Is it because you have an attachment, or because you have something you can't let go of? Why don't you look at yourself? The true reason lies with you yourself, and that's the only reason it can exploit your gap!” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference” in 2003)
I realized that nothing was accidental in cultivation, as Master teaches us, and I could no longer afford to just repeat, “I need to look within.” I knew I had to work really hard to identify the root of my problem.
I found my strong sense of self-esteem was causing all the trouble. I always wanted to be the best in everything I was involved in—be it at school, my job, or in interpersonal relationships—and was very proud of myself for being such a person. After I took up Dafa practice, not only did I not get rid of this characteristic, but it intensified.
Knowing that one must cherish this once-in-a-million years' opportunity to obtain Dafa, I strove to cultivate better than all other practitioners and thus I tried my best to top them. If anyone did better in sending forth righteous thoughts or offering sentient beings salvation, I’d feel immense jealousy and discomfort, and would vow to catch up the next time around. For instance, I did not want to see this one practitioner, who for the past few years kept going to the countryside to distribute materials, doing better than me. So, driven by my jealousy, I spent every bit of time available doing truth clarification activities. I also went to the rural area to distribute materials after work or over the weekend. I seized every opportunity possible to talk to my colleagues about Falun Gong. Because of my efforts, sometimes even before I had finished dinner, I was called to go somewhere to help send righteous thoughts. I was exhausted every day.
As time went by, more and more practitioners looked up to me and sought my help and cooperation. I was very content with my status as a well-recognized disciple and felt superior to others. I even claimed, “If I can’t reach consummation for whatever reason, I don’t know who else can.” When some practitioners kindly reminded me to be careful about saying such things, I refused to give them any chance to talk, saying, “I know how to correct myself based on the Fa.” Deep in my mind I was also thinking, “You’re far inferior to me! How dare you point your finger at me.” Later on the general coordinator transferred part of my coordination responsibilities to other practitioners without my knowledge. When I discovered this, I thought I had been treated extremely unfairly and couldn’t come to terms with it. I even vented my frustration and dissatisfaction on many practitioners, yet failed to look within.
With such jealousy, hatred, and competitive mentality brewing in me, the evil was eventually able to persecute me. This hard lesson prompted me to truly look within and identify my problem. I realized that the origin of my jealousy and competitive mentality was indeed a mindset to seeking fame/recognition/esteem. In other words, I failed to let go of my ego and was obsessed with validating myself.
Master said in the Seventh Talk of Zhuan Falun,
“If jealousy isn’t eliminated, all the thoughts you’ve cultivated become fragile. There’s a rule: a person who doesn’t get rid of jealousy while cultivating cannot achieve a True Fruition—he definitely won’t achieve a True Fruition.”
I was familiar with this passage of the Fa and was even able to recite it from memory. However, I had always applied it to other people, not myself. No wonder I fell victim to the evil since I failed to gauge myself with the Fa.
After sending righteous thoughts to remove my attachments, I no longer felt unfairly treated, upset, or jealous. I became, instead, refreshed and clearheaded. I truly experienced the seriousness, sanctity, and wonders of cultivation. Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation! Thank you, practitioners, for the kind help! Heshi!
Category: Improving Oneself
