(Clearwisdom.net) One day after I returned from the countryside, as soon as I came in the door I heard the sound of water dripping, hitting the floor from the ceiling of my bathroom. I thought it was odd, how could a leak occur in a newly built apartment? As a practitioner I understood that this leak indicated that I had an omission in my xinxing and I must look inside for the reason. However, I felt that I had been reading Master's lectures over and over again recently and I felt my mindset was righteous; I had been calmly doing the three things, and there shouldn't be problem in my xinxing. Then, was the leak caused by the neighbor upstairs?
The second day the ceiling was still leaking, so I went upstairs to have a look. The neighbor's restroom floor was clean and dry and without a trace of water!
Master said in “What is a Dafa Disciple”, “Whatever it is that you encounter, the first thought should be to scrutinize yourself, and it’s called “looking within.””
When I recalled Master's teaching, I suddenly awakened and looked inside for the reason. The first thing I found was that I did not study the Fa with full concentration and my thoughts always drifted away. Master said, “... they are not concentrating, but rather, thinking about other things, and not able to focus their attention on cultivation.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa”)
Moreover, I often felt sleepy when studying the Fa. This kind of situation had lasted for several months. Master taught us over and over in “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa”,
“If you don’t study the Fa well, there are many things you will not be able to do well.”
“If you cannot keep up in Fa-study, then there is no hope.”
“You must study the Fa well, for that is the fundamental guarantee that you return to your position.”
The next thing I found was that my thoughts went everywhere while I was sending forth righteous thoughts and thus my righteous thought could not achieve the effect of eliminating the evil. In the aspect of saving lives, although I did participate in some projects, I did not put my heart into it and so the effect I had was limited. In particular, I could not make any breakthroughs in clarifying the truth face-to-face; I had a heavy attachment of fear and did not have enough compassion. At the moment I realized this, I suddenly heard the sound of the water dripping slowing down, from a drop falling every 3-5 seconds to a drop falling every 3-5 minutes. I understood that it was because I was able to look inside for the reason, but it did not completely stop because I still had not found my fundamental attachment.
Then, what was the reason? Lust? Human sentiments? Personal interests? Self-esteem? I suddenly recalled what happened the day before in the car. The day before, my younger brothers and I went back to our hometown and drove in my brother's car. Because I was not able to leave at the scheduled time they were not happy when they picked me up, and they said something unpleasant. I am their eldest brother and I did not apologize to them, but my mind was agitated. On the way there, my brother started talking about building a new house for our parents, saying that our parents were in their 80s, their house was too old and on rainy days their house leaked. He had already talked to our parents and had decided that he and our younger brother would come up with the money to build the new house. The old house our parents live in was originally my home. Over thirty years ago our whole family moved to the city but our parents stayed behind and lived in my house. Now my younger brothers had made this decision on their own and had not even asked my opinion! I felt even more agitated and said something that I should not have said.
Actually this was a test that I wasn't able to pass. My parents had talked to me several times about tearing down the old house but I had always refused. I felt that if the old house were taken down I would have no place to go when I visited my hometown. My sentiments toward home were also something that a cultivator should discard and it is a strong attachment. A Dafa practitioner's real home is heaven.
“What’s given up is not oneself
But instead the folly of delusion”
(“Discarding Attachments”, Hong Yin Vol. II)
Furthermore, my parents gave me my birth and I should not even consider what is theirs and what is mine. If I can't let this go, isn't the attachment to personal interests causing trouble? Even though I felt hurt because my younger brothers did not respect me, didn't Master compassionately arrange for this to happen so that my attachment could be pointed out? If one can't let go of the attachment to fame, personal interest and human sentiments, then isn't he dreaming to even talk about Consummation? I felt so ashamed and accused myself in the depth of my mind. I have been cultivating for so many years and I still have human thoughts whenever I encounter anything uncomfortable. Failing to use righteous thoughts in dealing with tests is the biggest loophole! Given my cultivation state, how could my apartment not leak?
In the process of my looking inside for the reason, the leak in my ceiling stopped!
Please point out any of my mistakes.
Category: Improving Oneself
