(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Dafa practitioner who was born in late 80’s. My mother helped me to start practicing in 2001. Since I am an only child and my family environment was relatively good, my family took very good care of me. This made me very aware of what others think of me, and I only liked hearing positive comments. I couldn’t take any criticism. I understand that this is wrong according to the Fa principles, but I have not been able to truly find my attachment. Master compassionately gave me hints many times, but I pushed away the opportunities to upgrade myself, using various excuses, again and again.
Cultivation is very serious. Conflicts arose when I tried to cover up these selfish indulgences again and again. At first, I tended to forget about things, didn't plan well, and was inefficient. This caused people to feel uneasy when they asked me to take care of things. My parents would point it out to me when they saw this. But I never looked inward, and instead I blamed my parents for not teaching me good habits from early childhood. I was full of grievances.
Later, the conflicts became bigger and bigger. My family members, from my parents to my husband and my sister-in-law, all thought that I was spoiled and didn’t know how to take care of things. For a period of time, my husband was not satisfied with anything I did, whether it was right or wrong. Sometimes he would scold me even if it was his mistake. He sometimes started to blame me once I got home from work and didn’t stop even if we had guests. I didn’t understand this based on the Fa principles. I was completely perceiving it from the angle of an everyday person. I felt very bad and started a cold war with him. Whenever we had a fight, I would keep quiet if I couldn’t win him over. Then I avoided talking to him for a few days, until he couldn’t bear it anymore and sought peace with me. Later, the peace and harmony in my family gradually disappeared as the conflicts increased, and the cold wars became more frequent.
When I was chatting with him one night during dinner, my husband suddenly said, “Do you know that the way you treat me is actually based on the Communist Party culture?” I was shocked. He continued, “You are against the CCP but you treat me with the CCP ways. You are fighting with me, too. Although you are not fighting with me on the surface, you are fighting with me in your heart.”
I didn’t know what to say but I said in my mind, “Master, your disciple understands.” I understood that Master was using my husband’s mouth to give me a hint! This behavior was exactly the Communist Party culture that I despised. On the surface, I told myself not to fight with him. However, from the bottom of my heart, I could not take it when my husband blamed me, so I started a cold war with him. That is fighting too. This dirty fighting philosophy was part of me, but I didn’t even notice it.
When I calmed down and looked inward, I discovered my competitive mentality, vanity, a sense of unfairness, sentimentality for my husband, and various attachments. Why were these dirty, selfish notions still attached to my body so stubbornly? When I dug deeper, I discovered that I had a very deep attachment. I felt in my subconscious, “I have already obtained the Fa and I am much better than everday people. I am very stubborn but having these small problems doesn’t matter. I even think that it is OK for young women to have a few small problems. They don’t need to be too picky.” Simply having this thought showed that my attachments, which should have been removed long ago, were still with me. This was not OK, but I had clearly identified them, and knew that I must remove them. At this time, Master’s words were in my mind, “...humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking.” When I opened the book Zhuan Falun, this sentence from Lunyu clearly appeared in front of my eyes. Suddenly I understood the deep meaning of the word “fundamentally.” Fundamentally is to eliminate the selfishness of the old cosmos from every single thought, and assimilate to the nature of the new cosmos which is Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
I am grateful for Master’s hint today. I will not let it go this time and I must eliminate my attachment. I immediately changed my attitude and talked to my husband sincerely, “Oh yes, thanks for reminding me. I think what you said is right, and I must eliminate it.” My husband was shocked because he couldn’t believe that such an arrogant person like me would apologize to him. But I know that I am determined to change myself. Master saw my determination, and I suddenly felt relaxed, and those past grievances, and the angry emotions I felt when fighting with my husband, were no longer so heavy. I am gradually feeling clearer and feel that his words are not so irritating. Without being aware of the shift, my family environment has become more relaxed. We have resumed talking and laughing together. Now that I understand the Fa principle, Master removed has my attachments.
Above is my cultivation experience that I would like to share with fellow practitioners.
