(Clearwisdom.net) Time flies and it has been 15 years since I began practicing Falun Dafa. I would like to report to Teacher and share with fellow practitioners experiences and understandings from my cultivation, and to use this opportunity to improve myself so I can advance more diligently to fulfill my mission.
Benefiting from practicing Dafa
Prior to my cultivation, I was preoccupied with worldly pursuits. As a result, I had many ailments, and felt very depressed and lost most of the time. I was seeking something, until one day I found Falun Dafa. I realized that this was what I had been looking for. I made up my mind to cultivate Dafa. No matter how hard it might be, nothing would be able to stop me.
Shortly after that, my diseases disappeared. The sky was ever so blue and the sun was ever so bright. I was a new person.
From the beginning, I kept reminding myself of Teacher's teachings and that I am a practitioner, a disciple of the Great Law. I put everyone else before me. Everyone in my family, about 30 people, quit the CCP; and some of them have started to cultivate.
Since we have spent lifetime after lifetime in this ancient cosmos, selfishness is in our very cells. When I first tried to let go of worldly pursuits, I wasn't very successful. I constantly saw selfishness in other people, especially my father-in-law, whose behavior I detested. I thought he was an extremely selfish person and I could not bring myself to talk with him. One day, on my way back from Fa study, while I was thinking about how selfish he was, all of sudden I had this thought: “Was I the selfish one? Why did I only see the selfish parts of other people?” I immediately examined myself and found even more selfish thoughts. I was protective of my own interests and intolerant of other people's shortcomings. It was very well-hidden because I tended to appear rather tolerant, not calculating, to other people.
I realized that it is not only fellow practitioners who are our mirrors, it is also ordinary people. If I did not have the attachments, they would not be shown to me. When I faced these attachments and sent righteous thoughts to clear them out, I found that my environment began to change for the better, and I enlightened to the inner meanings of Teacher's Fa, “the appearance stems from the mind.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”)
Maintaining xinxing and passing the tests in the home environment
When I first began practicing Falun Dafa, my husband was not opposed to it. One day in 1998, he became very upset. He cried to me that I no longer put him first. Instead my cultivation had replaced him. His behavior puzzled me. Then, I remembered what Teacher said about Transforming Karma in Zhuan Falun:
“Actually, she’s just helping you eliminate your karma, but she doesn’t know it herself. She’s not just fighting with you on the surface yet still nice to you inside, that’s not how it is. She’s really, genuinely angry. That’s because whoever the karma falls on, that’s who feels the pain. It’s definitely that way.”
I did not get upset with him.
My husband then said to me, “Go ahead and practice if you think it does you good,” even in 1999 when the persecution started. However, in 2001, when the staged Tiananmen self-immolation was broadcast, he would not let me continue. One day, he bought a lot of alcohol and after he consumed it he said to me, “If you didn't practise, we would be a happy family; if you continue, we will get a divorce.” I just rejected him flatly, thinking that this was persecution on a human level. I was driven out of my home that night. It is cold in northeast China in the winter. I ended up spending the night in a warehouse. Later he even brought my father in to pressure me. I told them firmly that no matter what tactics they used, I would not change my mind.
After I studied the Fa and read the articles on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom), I understood that the persecution is not caused by humans, but by the old forces in the universe. People do not know the truth and are being made to do bad things. The old forces will be eliminated if they continue to do that. We are Dafa disciples and are here to save sentient beings. We should not let the sentient beings go down with the old forces.
Once I understood the Fa principles, I became more strict about what I did and what I said. Whenever I had time, I would talk to my husband about the truth of Falun Dafa and send righteous thoughts. I constantly looked for my own attachments that might prevent my husband and other people from understanding the truth and eliminated them.
Let go of self and work with others as one body
For years I have worked with the assistant in our area, witnessing how this 70-year-old practitioner gives unselfishly. She organized group study and activities to validate the Fa, which touched me. We are still human beings and sometimes our human mentalities surface and cause dissent amongst practitioners. As long as we can both look inward and let go of self, the conflicts will not escalate. Instead, they will disappear.
For example, one day, when she was speaking at our group study, I thought she was not speaking from the Fa perspective. I just could not stand listening to her at that time. Later, I could not even stand to hear her talk on any occasion. I felt like countering whatever she said. I didn't want to work with her anymore and I even wanted to move to another area. I knew that it was not right for me to feel that way, but I just couldn't help myself. After studying the Fa more, I found that I was unkind and not compassionate, I was also jealous and complacent. It was about time for me to be more tolerant. Even though she may not be on the Fa sometimes, she will improve as she continues to study the Fa. This also reminded me that I was keen on validating myself. I could not take it when other practitioners thought differently from me. Even though I may be right, I should not impose my opinions on others. As we studied the Fa more and sent righteous thoughts more, our understandings became clearer, and our differences disappeared.
Conflicts are not bad things because through them, we can see our human mentalities, which we may not have otherwise realized. We should take such conflicts seriously. They are arranged by the old forces to interfere with our truth clarification activities. Whenever I am faced with negative thoughts, I send righteous thoughts for a longer time and more frequently, and really look hard at myself. As a result, the other practitioner and I are able to work together very well.
I have come a long way and it would not have been possible had it not been for Teacher's guidance throughout my cultivation. We need to spend more time to save sentient beings and we cannot ease up. We need to advance diligently and fulfill our mission.
