(Clearwisdom.net) I was a kindergarten teacher. I began to practice Falun Gong in 1998. However, after the persecution started in July 20, 1990, I gave up the practice for various reasons. But I always thought of Master and kept the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in my heart. All my Dafa books were well protected. In 2001, my family experienced a big tribulation. Just when I had given up all hope, our benevolent Master gave me a hint. With the help of fellow practitioners, I came back to Dafa. Here I would like to report to Master and share with fellow practitioners how I got rid of the attachment to my daughter in this ordeal and became more diligent. Please point out anything inappropriate.
In 2001, my married daughter came to my home one day looking very sick. She said it might have been because of her pregnancy plus a bad cold. She looked sallow, without any energy, and out of breath. I had a very bad feeling about her. The next day, we took her to a hospital for an examination. Afterward, I heard a terrible word, "leukemia." Like being shocked by a thunderbolt, my whole body shook and I could barely stand. I wanted to cry but had no tears. I felt suffocated.
My daughter had to be admitted to the hospital, but my husband and I only had a few hundred yuan in savings. When my son-in-law heard the news, he became a totally different person and did not want to take care of my daughter. Due to my husband's repeated urging, he stayed in the hospital for about 15 days and spent 3,500 yuan. Then he left, his wife, who was carrying his child, still in the hospital. With both of these blows, my daughter often could not control her emotions. She was heartbroken and had tears on her face all the time. We, as her parents, were heartbroken, too. She was still so young, how could we not help get treatment for her? We had to try any way we could to save her life.
My husband lost his job in 1998, and we worked temporary jobs to make ends meet. We had to borrow from relatives and friends and got loans to pay my daughter's medical bills. After more than a year, we had tried everything, but were still not able to cover the all medical expenses. Later we borrowed more and accumulated huge debt. I was physically and mentally exhausted and felt that I could no longer do it anymore.
At that sad time when I felt all hope was lost, due to Master's compassion, a fellow practitioner I knew before came to visit me. The practitioner said, "Predestined relationships in this world are very complex; kindness and spite from previous lives cannot be explained. You should come back to practice Dafa. The Fa can solve all the puzzles and make you strong.” My heart had been empty without the Fa during the previous two years. I felt lost, without a backbone, like a child separated from its parents. Returning to practice again was what I wanted most of all in this life. I said to my daughter, "You should also practice Dafa. Dafa is Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Let's all follow Master's teachings from now on. With Master taking care of us, our minds will be at ease. Master and Dafa can be depended on and we would have no need to think about anythings else." I did not understand much at high levels then. I only knew that if a person practiced Dafa, she/he would have a happy life. As long as my daughter practiced Dafa, her life in the human world would not be wasted. My daughter agreed. So I resumed my cultivation in Dafa and my daughter began to practice as well. The two of us studied the Fa and did the exercises every day. We also read all Master's lectures. After we obtained truth-clarifying materials, we went out to distribute them to save people.
Master started to take care of her and cleaned up her body. Once it was obvious that Master was cleaning up her body, she felt that Master was taking care of her. She was very grateful for Master's compassion and protection. Other practitioners also came to study the Fa with her and helped her to face the tribulations with Dafa principles and understand other people's heartless actions. With Master's compassion and practitioners' help, my daughter and I improved a lot in many respects. We enlightened more and came to a new understanding about our current tribulations. My daughter became a different person and was in a better mood everyday. She was no longer afraid of her illness. With the Fa's guidance, I was happy to see that she did not complain much about her husband anymore.
However, since she could not completely let go of her illness, she left us after practicing Dafa for 100 days. But she left with smiles, not resentment, because she had obtained the Fa. Although she still had many attachments, Master would arrange for her to be in the most beautiful place. She did not waste her life in this world. After my daughter's death, we notified our son-in-law, but he did not come. We do not know why. We buried her, grief-stricken. Because we had paid for her treatment during the previous year, we did not have any money left; even her coffin had to be secured on credit. We only had 50 cents left after we buried her.
My husband is not a practitioner. He was very angry with my son-in-law and filed a lawsuit against him. The president of the court studied the case himself and designated a chief judge for our case, indicating that justice for our daughter would be forthcoming. Many of our friends and relatives wanted my son-in-law to be punished. I, however, wanted to drop the lawsuit.
My husband did not agree. I knew that we had borne so much during the previous year. But, as a practitioner, I also knew that I should not compete with an ordinary person. Even though I still had many attachments, I had to do my best to cultivate and to reach the Fa's standard, since Master had clearly taught us the principles. With a practitioner's compassion and tolerance, I finally persuaded my husband and relatives to drop the case.
Now we have paid back all of our debts. Through this experience, I enlightened to the fact that nothing that happens to a practitioner is a coincidence. All the conflicts and tribulations have to do with our cultivation. If they are left over from the kindnesses or spiteful acts of our previous lives, we have to balance them, repay what we owe, or benevolently resolve what should be benevolently resolved. With Master and the Fa, all things can be resolved.
Several years have passed my daughter's death. I thought I had let go of her, but when I started to write this article, all the memories brought back my longing for her. My tears wouldn't stop and I felt really sad. Within a few hours, I felt three blisters in my mouth. Then I suddenly realized that I still had not let go of my daughter and the longing for her was very strong. I felt I had cultivated so badly. So I studied the Fa to deny it and control it. However, I still cried when I started to write again.
During the writing of this article, my big attachment to my daughter was exposed. The evil was still trying to use my attachment to torture and interfere with me, to destroy me eventually. I realized how severe this was. Master has told us about this already, and I should no longer be interfered with by this sentiment. After I realized this, I felt better and it was easier for me. I knew that Master had taken away the bad substance from me, since “cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master.” (Zhuan Falun)
I know I still have some sentiment towards my daughter. I thank Master for pulling me up when I fell into the attachment and for holding my hand to lead me forward. I also thank Master, who was with me and helped me during my most difficult time.
Again, I sincerely thank Master for his compassionate saving!
Thank you, also, to all the practitioners who helped me!
Category: Improving Oneself
