(Clearwisdom.net) When I first began practicing Dafa I had a sense of pride that came from my heart. Every day I felt enriched and that I was the luckiest and happiest person in the world.
Facing the decade of cruel persecution and the rumors fabricated by the evil Party that made people misunderstand us, the fear of persecution, and my lack of understanding of the Fa, I gradually lost my motivation and gradually developed a negative mentality. For a long period of time, the shadow of the persecution has been lingering over me. I felt ashamed and considered myself a weak and persecuted person, and was pitiful in the minds of others. My human mindset brought me this confusion.
Dafa is solemn and sacred and is forever unchanged. Why didn't I have the kind of proud feeling I had before? Is it that the environment had changed, along with my mind? In facing this huge setback, I became timid and miserable. It was simply because of my superficial understanding of the Fa, and forgetting that Fa-rectification is under Teacher’s control, even if the old forces are frenzied and the wickedness in the world is rampant. In fact, they are nothing and cannot escape the Buddha's palm. The reason why I felt depressed was because I put too much emphasis on the persecution.
When my human mindset was strong my righteous thoughts became weak, and I had difficulty overcoming tribulations for a long period of time, and was unable to make a breakthrough, which is why I had the feeling of helplessness. My mind was always thinking of the persecution so that I could not quiet down to study the Fa. I was in the human mindset of my understanding of Dafa and could not see the Fa principles, which is why I was in this predicament and manifested these feelings. If a practitioner does not have the guidance of the Fa, he or she won't be able to step forward and will be trapped in the state of everyday people.
When I stayed in this state for a long time, I unconsciously formed negative and passive emotions. Even knowing this state wasn't right and after having thought about it, I still wasn't able to make a breakthrough. Since getting rid of my human mindset, the bad thoughts have gradually diminished, and I have only recently made big changes.
Not long ago, I went to the bank to get money for making truth-clarification materials. I always felt it was a little difficult when I exchanged money, for fear of being refused or monitored. One day, I suddenly changed my thought that making the truth-clarification materials was doing a good deed! Why shouldn't I be in a good mood? Even if I was refused, I could still go to other banks. As I had this thought, my mind lightened up and felt that it was a very natural thing and I rid myself of the previous embarrassed feelings. With this thought, when I went to exchange money, the bank clerks were also cheerful. My changing money went without a hitch and my mind was very calm. I realized that when I was nervous, the bank clerk would also be tense. When I became relaxed, people became relaxed as well.
I later realized that distributing truth-clarifying material is doing a good deed to let people know the truth and be saved. It is a major event that people have been waiting for for thousands of years. Since it is a good thing, why should I be nervous? Why did I always feel uneasy? Wasn't it because of my human mindset? Paying attention to safety is of course good, but our minds must be upright and without fear. I felt uneasy simply because I had not changed my mindset and still dealt with the persecution with the mindset of accepting the old forces' arrangements of the persecution. In fact, the things Dafa practitioners do, old forces dare not interfere with. The key issue is having the mentality of doing things based on the Fa and getting rid of our attachments. I remember that a fellow practitioner saw with his celestial eyesight that the reason for the persecution had to do with certain attachments. The old forces knew who had these attachments, and if the attachments accumulate, they may provoke persecution.
When we are truly in the Fa, no one can move us. When our mindset has no problem, there will be no problem. Generally speaking, there is no causal relationship between the persecution and Dafa practitioners making truth-clarifying materials and distributing them, and persuading people to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party. When we see this clearly, we can easily, naturally, and proudly do these things. It is another state of mind, which means that when we have such a mentality, we are then worthy of doing sacred things.
As the Fa principles become clearer to me, I no longer need to force myself to complete things. On the contrary, with a pure mind to do things, the long absence of proud feelings arises spontaneously. I have rediscovered the feelings of being fortunate, happy, and proud of being a Dafa practitioner.
Dafa does not change but it is the human mind that changes. When we are away from the Fa, we will feel helpless and lack strength and then will feel depressed and sad. When we immerse ourselves in the Fa we will naturally be full of righteousness and appreciate the power of Dafa, and then we have the feelings of happiness, glory, and pride.