(Clearwisdom.net)

I started to practice Falun Dafa in 2006 under very unusual circumstances. In June 1999, I actually bought a few Dafa books at a Dafa practice site in Beijing. However, the persecution soon began, so I didn't get a chance to approach Dafa. Later I went to study in Germany. In 2006, an idea “suddenly” came to me that I should download Dafa materials from the Internet. That was how I started. In the beginning, I devoted all my heart to reading Zhuan Falun, listening to Teacher's audio Fa-lectures, and watching Teacher's video Fa-lectures. My whole body and mind rapidly improved as I learned more about the Fa principles that Teacher talked about.

Soon after that, I went back to Beijing. I practiced pretty much all by myself since I didn't know any other practitioners. Teacher went to Beijing many times when spreading the Fa. I didn't get the opportunity to obtain the Fa then, but still I am now a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple. Teacher said nothing is accidental in cultivation. Therefore, I was very strict with myself to do well with the three things. However, I didn't fully understand the Fa-rectification cultivation that Teacher talked about since my level was low. So I emphasized individual cultivation more and paid extra attention to xinxing improvement and tried to get “enlightened” to Fa principles. I studied the Fa everyday and read fellow practitioners' experience sharing. I read the Minghui/Clearwisdom section “Cultivate Your Heart and Mind and Let Go of Your Desires” to maximally get rid of my attachments. I tried my best to pass the tests that Teacher arranged for me. I didn't watch movies or TV. I didn't read ordinary people's magazines either so I wouldn't be polluted. Occasionally I read news reports on the Internet. I thought I was striving forward diligently. I sent forth righteous thoughts and clarified the truth, too. However, I couldn't see anything with my celestial eye nor could I feel anything when sending forth righteous thoughts. The results of my clarifying the truth and helping people quit the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations weren't that good, either. I knew I needed to work on the three things, but I felt like I was just working on those tasks. I didn't know how to truly do them well.

When I continued to study the Fa and systematically learned Teacher's Fa lectures published after July 20 1999, I had deeper understandings and I knew more clearly about Fa-rectification cultivation. I came to realize the mission of each one of us and why we came here. At that time, I came to understand that previously I was stuck in individual cultivation and I didn't catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification. I didn't assume my responsibilities and was therefore taken advantage of by the old forces. I started to pay more attention to sending forth righteous thoughts, trying to break through the individual cultivation state. My mind and body were strong and I appeared energetic, too. When I studied the Fa, the Fa principles could go straight into my heart, which made me excited. I felt each and every cell was being strengthened by the Fa principles.

But when I thought about trying to catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification, my status changed. I became weak and depressed. I couldn't even send forth righteous thoughts at those four times everyday. Especially at midnight, I was so deep asleep that I couldn't wake up even when I set an alarm. I often missed sending righteous thoughts one or two times. Sending forth righteous thoughts turned into a routine for me. My mind wasn't clear and I wanted to take my legs down before the 15 minutes was over. I tried my best to last until the end. Then I felt very tired. The worst thing was that I couldn't focus during my Fa-study. I became so sleepy that I couldn't keep my eyes open when studying the Fa. I tried to memorize the Fa, but I kept forgetting words here and there. When ordinary people saw me, they said, “You look tired. Take good care of yourself.”

I knew the evil was interfering with me by taking advantage of my omissions. So I looked for my attachments one by one. Then I sent forth righteous thoughts to remove them. I also sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil interference. I denied the arrangements by the old forces. I said to Teacher in my heart, “I will follow Teacher's requirements. Please strengthen me.” No matter how high those evil forces were, they weren't in a position to control me. When I was falling down to the Three Realms, they couldn't care less about me. Now I have started to practice Dafa. How can they be qualified to influence me? Besides, they are to be eliminated. If I didn't follow Teacher but them, wouldn't I be on their side? I decided that I shouldn't let the evil crush me. I had to break through. I continued with Fa-study and sending forth righteous thoughts. I was stuck in that state for a while. Sometimes it was better; sometimes it was worse. I didn't see a fundamental change in myself.

I was a little anxious. When studying the Fa, I noticed Teacher said, “The magnificent Fa and the magnificent epoch are forging the most magnificent Enlightened Beings.” (“The Disciples’ Magnificence” from Essentials for Further Advancement II) I wasn't being clear-minded. How could I deserve to be called “magnificent?” I thought hard about what could be holding me down. Of course, the evil was restraining Beijing. But the fact that I came to Beijing meant that that was the cultivation environment for me. In other words, there were things that I needed to break through. I made a vow that I wanted to make a breakthrough. One night when I was studying the Fa, I got sleepy again when it was only 10 p.m. I thought I should take a quick nap so I could get up to send forth righteous thoughts and feel better. Suddenly I realized that such a thought was questionable. It was interference right there. So I crossed my legs and started to send forth righteous thoughts. Since I felt sleepy, I kept my eyes open. I was surprised that I did it for over an hour. My mind turned clear. Then I sent forth righteous thoughts at midnight. After that, sending forth righteous thoughts was fundamentally different for me. I felt clear-minded and that I possessed strong power. My body felt light. I was able to focus and I felt energy continuously dashing out. It was magnificent. When studying the Fa, the Fa principles went to my heart. I was no longer in the previous state where I had to force myself to study the Fa.

One day when I was reading an article on sending forth righteous thoughts written by a fellow practitioner, I came to realize something. The reason that I couldn't achieve good results in sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth was because my starting point was wrong. I wasn't doing it for the sake of others. My ultimate goal was to improve myself so I could reach consummation. I was shocked when I found I still had such a fundamental attachment. I seemed to be striving forward diligently, however, that was actually a superficial appearance which covered up my lack of purity. This held me back from truly melting into the Fa. I was holding on to “myself” while doing the three things. In fact, I was using my own notions to “build up” myself and I thought I was striving forward with diligence. Wasn't I the same as the old forces? How could I be counted as a Fa-rectification disciple! At that point, I felt how serious cultivation is.

When I was able to use the standard of a Fa-rectification disciple to measure myself, I made a huge leap. My heart was full of righteous thoughts. The selfishness at the bottom of my heart started to degenerate. I no longer tried to cultivate myself for the purpose of reaching consummation. I came to realize that my life was established to assist Teacher with Fa-rectification. The whole purpose of my life is to eliminate the evil, safeguard the Fa, and save the sentient beings that were deceived by lies. Finally I truly understood what Teacher meant by “...the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” from Essentials for Further Advancement).

Now I can maintain a clear mind when sending forth righteous thoughts. I use righteous thoughts to eliminate the persecution that the old forces imposed on sentient beings. My heart is full of compassion. My body is full of energy. The words of Teacher's Fa-rectification verses all reflect into my mind. I have less and less of an attachment to fear. My righteous thoughts are stronger and stronger. When clarifying the truth, I have more wisdom. Even though I can't see things with my celestial eye, I know very clearly why I'm here. I know what a god's vow is and what being a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple means. I am so proud that I have had the great fortune to become who I am now.

In just a few years, I have totally changed. I know I haven't done enough. For example, I still have a strong attachment to pursuing comfort, so I'm not quite willing to practice the exercises. I also have the attachment of fighting and therefore I couldn't completely let go of fame and physical interests. I will do a better job in my future cultivation. I'll get rid of my attachments, cultivate myself well, and save more sentient beings.

I was very fortunate that I obtained the Fa in my lifetime. I will try my best to do well with the three things. I will successfully carry out my mission. I will not let Teacher down.