(Clearwisdom.net)

Coming into the Fa

I was in my mid-30s when I came into the Fa. I had become very disappointed in myself. I had made so many past mistakes, abused my body, and my mind was not right. I had deviated tremendously. Whenever I would pick myself up, something else would drag me back down.. My thoughts were far from being pure and I had become helpless.

One night, I found myself sitting deep in thought. I reflected on my past and I knew I had to act soon on improving. My thoughts of qigong came back, as I used to practice self-taught in the past. Then I had thoughts of my youth. As a child, I was good and kind. I longed to be that way again, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to do it by myself. I reflected on my past and suddenly found myself looking up at the stars, asking how could I possibly get back up there? I wanted just to go home!

Master said,

"Therefore, once a person wants to practice cultivation, his or her Buddha-nature is considered to have come forth. Such a thought is most precious, for this person wants to return to his or her original, true self and transcend the ordinary human level

Perhaps everyone has heard this statement in Buddhism: “When one's Buddha-nature emerges, it will shake 'the world of ten directions'.” Whoever sees it will come to give a hand and help this person out unconditionally" (Zhuan Falun)

It wasn't long after that I received a flyer for Falun Gong. A work colleague approached me in the car park at work and handed me the flyer. I spoke to a Chinese friend at work and asked him about it. He told me it was very good but he didn't practice, as he was too scared to. I dismissed his fear and made the decision to try it. I contacted a practitioner, who informed me of where and when I could meet them. Every Friday night, I usually drank but I made it a point to stay sober this night, as the practice was on the Saturday morning. I also had a big fear of doing this out in the open for all to see, but I was determined to make it.

I picked the exercises up very quickly. I struggled immensely with the fifth exercise, as I could only put one leg up and it sat quite high. Then, through my struggle, I experienced a moment. All the pain disappeared, my ears fell silent and all I could see was a shining golden light; it felt warm and so familiar. I had a feeling of belonging.

One of the practitioners offered to teach me more during the week at her home, and she helped me through the exercises and introduced me to the reading materials. After practice, we would study. I quickly understood what Zhuan Falun was about and who Master Li was. I always had the feeling that something like this would occur in my lifetime.

Before learning Dafa, I had asked for the ship not to sail without me. I have been reduced to tears many times at how grateful I was for Master to not forget me. He truly picked me out of hell and gave me the help I needed to return to the righteous path.

Taking a step back from Self

"We say that when you take a step back from a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will be certainly be another situation." (Zhuan Falun)

Master says that if our thoughts are righteous, we will receive help and succeed in our efforts, (not His exact words). Master also says that when we take a step back from conflict, it will indeed be another situation. My understanding of this is that when we step back, we are letting go of self so that we can see the situation for what it really is, and not be clouded by our self-pity. This understanding helped me get through a personal tribulation, and I also came to realize that I could apply this understanding to Dafa activities.

When we practiced dragon dancing, I found that handling the head was indeed tiring and it was difficult to catch my breath. I tried hard not to dwell on this, so I would push myself through it and remind myself that I was a Dafa practitioner, so I should let go of this mentality the best I could. I wasn't just playing with a dragon. I was preparing myself, not just to participate in a parade but to help clean up the area so the minds of sentient beings could become clearer, so I had to show strength and not give in to the interference.

On the day of the parade, I kept my thoughts righteous and strong, and kept reminding myself of the deeper meaning of why we were there. During the parade, I completely let go of self and helped the dragon fly with strength and righteousness. In the end, I found that I wasn't tired or short of breath, but instead felt strong. There were moments when my arms were sore and burning, but I found that I could carry on regardless. In fact, by the end of the parade, I felt I could do another round.

I came to the understanding of just how really important it was to let go of self. During Dafa activities, if I were to hold onto human notions instead of concentrating on the deeper meaning of why I was there, then the outcome wouldn't be successful in the least. That day, I learned a valuable lesson and enlightened to an understanding.

Fighting the evil

I made the decision to start a practice site down south, where I mostly grew up. One morning, it was very cold. I was the only one there that morning, and I was struggling with cold hands. The temperature had dropped to minus one degree that morning and I was doing the first posture of the second exercise. I was trying my best not to focus on my hands, but they were so cold. Then I slightly lost my focus and I felt the cold move from my hands straight into my body. I broke out in a hot sweat and felt extremely nauseous. Then visions appeared in my mind of me crawling on the ground vomiting everywhere, struggling to get back to the car. Thoughts of wondering how I would get help and feeling as if I was close to dying followed. I knew I couldn't stop the exercise. I started thinking, “What if someone saw me? Wouldn't they think that this practice was bad?” I struggled with these thoughts but continued with the exercises. I moved my focus from the feeling in my stomach and kept my mind strong: “I am a practitioner. Everything will be all right, just don't stop practicing.” I knew if I were to stop, that would be it. I would have given in and maybe I would really have been sick! By the end of the second exercise, the feeling died down. Starting the third exercise, I was feeling better. I made it through to the end, still standing, a bit shaken by my experience, but I made it through all right with righteous thoughts.

Master said in Zhuan Falun:

"As true practitioners, we should look at issues from a very high level instead of from the perspective of everyday people. Should you believe that you are ill, this may really cause you to become ill. This is because once you assume that you are ill, your xinxing level will be as high as that of everyday people. Qigong practice and true cultivation practice will not lead to illness, particularly under this condition. It is known that what actually causes people to become ill is seventy percent psychological and thirty percent physiological. Typically, one experiences a mental breakdown, the mind cannot handle it, and one suffers a heavy mental burden before the illness' condition drastically worsens. It is usually like this."

Validating self or validating the Fa?

I was asked to help out with the Chinese Epoch Times. One or two practitioners would go do an interview, then send the recording to me so I could type it out. I began to write out the article. When I had finished writing out two paragraphs, I re-read them and thought about what a great job I had done and how pleased the other practitioners would be. I then decided to save what I had written to continue the article the next day. I thought I had saved it correctly, only to find that all I had written had been deleted. I could only allocate a certain amount of time on this each day as I was quite busy, and now this day's work had been wasted. The following day, I re-wrote the article, thoughts coming up in my mind about how well I had arranged this piece, so professionally. My ego had grown so large! Again I hit the wrong button and all was deleted for the second time. Another day's work wasted. I sat and thought about these incidents and came to realize my show off mentality and attachment to ego. I started again with the article, sending righteous thoughts whenever these thoughts popped up in my mind. I managed to save the article correctly this time, but when I tried to send the article off, I had trouble attaching it to the email, and then the other practitioner couldn't open the file when she received it. The whole night, I pondered on this. Was my attachment to ego and my show off mentality still there? There was still some remaining but not much, as I was trying hard to eliminate them. I looked inward a little deeper to realize that all along I was trying to validate myself, and not the Fa. After coming to this understanding, I no longer had any problems with sending the article, and the practitioner was able to open the files. From this time on, I always kept myself in check when writing the articles and the results were good.

I came into the Fa in August 2009. Since then, I have never looked back. My mind has gone from constantly being in torment to being calm and clear. I could never sit in silence before, but now I can enjoy this simple pleasure. My mind changed from having impure thoughts to righteous thoughts. The road I have since traveled can indeed be quite difficult, but very rewarding. I had to learn how to behave like a divine being in the making and now, looking back on my life, I can understand everything that I had to go through. I feel I owe Master so much for not forgetting about me, for helping me return to goodness and helping me to understand what I am meant to do and why I am here. I will continue to do my best to walk my path upright and righteously. Thank you, Master, for not giving up on me.