(Clearwisdom.net) I read the “Practitioners Solemn Declarations” on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, and over time I began to recognize many practitioners’ names that had previously declared their intention to resume practicing Falun Gong again.
I had also deviated from Dafa in a moment of weakness and later returned to Dafa cultivation. By improving Fa-study and making breakthroughs, I gained a clearer understanding of the high Fa principles. When we deviated from Dafa and were “transformed,” Teacher gave us the opportunity to come back to cultivating in Dafa. Yet cultivation in Dafa is extremely serious. The Fa has a high standard, but also has great mercy and dignity. We should not take Teacher’s mercy for granted, and should not relax in our cultivation. We need to understand that being “transformed” is a very serious issue, and we must enlighten to the lessons from it in order to walk a righteous path in the future. I would like to share my understandings with the practitioners who still have not found the root cause for why they were “transformed” by the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
I am a senior practitioner who acquired the Fa in the early years. I have been so fortunate to hear Teacher’s Fa lectures in person many times. From the day I acquired the Fa, I was very strict with myself in cultivation.
When the CCP launched the persecution of Dafa on July 20, 1999, I went to validate the Fa, clarify the facts, and set up a truth-clarifying materials production site. I always did the three thingsTeacher asked us to do. When the CCP failed in its attempt to arrest me, I became homeless and destitute in order to evade them. I had many tribulations in the ensuing years, yet I believed I was on the frontline of validating the Fa and breaking through all the old force arrangements, until I was finally arrested and sent to a brainwashing center.
A dozen people took turns brainwashing me using all kinds of methods. Under that pressure, I did not have enough righteous thoughts to clear away my attachments to fear and self-protection. As a result I became confused about the Fa principles and did what a practitioner should not do. I was “transformed” and released, but I was not able to study the Fa deeply and I did not understand the Fa deeply enough to elevate in Dafa cultivation.
I was very anxious to remedy my mistakes as I did not want to lose the opportunity to cultivate, and I was afraid that I would not reach consummation. I believed that the more truth clarification flyers I handed out, the quicker I would improve in my cultivation. I’d gone from one extreme to the other. I was subsequently arrested again and sentenced to two years of forced labor.
In the brainwashing center, I thought I had the tools to transform the collaborators. I had already made up my mind to walk the path of cultivation to the end, and that I would not be “transformed” ever again. But the evil saw my attachments clearly, and directly targeted my omissions. It seems I didn't have a clear understanding of what the old forces were. Although I read the Fa many times, I still didn't clearly understand the Fa Teacher had taught after the persecution began. I didn't even know what the old forces were when I was first persecuted. I now recognize that the evil could take advantage of me only because I didn't have a higher understanding of Dafa.
I had righteous thoughts that I would not write any "confession" letters, or statements giving up Falun Dafa, and I would not slander Teacher and the Fa no matter for how many years the CCP sentenced me. The brainwashing officers did not make me write any declarations this time, instead they slyly made me write my “current understandings,” and gradually I was “transformed” again. I became more and more obedient, and I did whatever they told me to do. I truly thought I had improved and understood the higher-level Fa principles. Now I know that I didn’t have a strong mind and heart, and that I was totally confused. I could not find my true self at that time.
After I had been released for some time, my heart still hurt. I constantly questioned myself, “Did I walk on the right path? Did I really improve myself? Am I still a practitioner if I deviated from the Fa and no longer study the Fa or practice the exercises? What is the difference between me and everyday people?” I never mentioned or thought about my “transformation” in the forced labor camp. My mind was disturbed and I didn't know how to move forward. I remember thinking, “During last ten years, I always put Dafa cultivation first and I was able let go of family, career, and personal interests. I don't want to be interfered with in my cultivation and I certainly do not want to oppose Dafa now.” I was afraid of all these pressures and I could still not find where I went wrong. I asked Teacher to help me. With the help of Teacher and fellow practitioners, I made up my mind to start cultivation right from the beginning again.
As soon as I had that thought, I found all the Dafa books one after another. I knew Teacher had not given up on me and he was still helping me. I adjusted my status on the Minghui website by declaring my intention to resume practicing Falun Gong. I studied the Fa again and again with a calm mind. I slowed down the speed of my reading and gave much more time for Fa-study. I absorbed every word of the Fa, etching them into my memory, and I became more focused. I let go of all human notions as they came up and read Zhuan Falun over and over again. When I finished studying all of Teachers’ articles from the beginning to the present, I started all over again.
In order to improve in memorizing the Fa and to have a calm mind, I copied the Fa completely. If I did not have a calm mind, I copied the Fa until I had a calm mind and only then would I begin to read the Fa. I used the SimSun font to write stroke by stroke. I did not pursue speed; I just did it sincerely, solemnly, and righteously.
During my Fa study, I also looked inward, evaluating myself with the Fa’s requirement. The Fa enlightened me to all my confusion and changed my notions. I finally found my fundamental attachment of selfishness that had been taken advantage of by the old forces. I did not understand the Fa based on the Fa. I did not have enough righteous thoughts, and this gave the evil the opportunity to take full advantage of me.
Reading with a calm mind during Fa study I began to enlighten to the Fa principles of the relationship between Teacher rectifying the Fa and Dafa disciples validating the Fa, and between personal cultivation and Fa-Rectification cultivation. I had confused cultivation improvement with just doing things.
I looked back over the path I had walked for Dafa. I was a local assistant in the early years of Master teaching the Fa. Practitioners were needed to establish practice sites, teach the exercises to new practitioners, organize Fa-study during the Fa spreading period, and after July 20, 1999, to validate the Fa and save sentient beings. I also believed all Dafa-related work was the first priority. From the surface it seemed right, but in fact when I measured it with Dafa’s standard, I found many of my thoughts were not based on the Fa.
My starting point for Dafa-related work did not include putting Dafa first. Instead, I put myself first. I had this selfish goal before I started any project. I want this. I think this. I should do this. I always protected what I wanted. I replaced validating the Fa with validating myself. When cooperating with other practitioners, there were always conflicts and difficulties, which are common. Master taught us to look inward and eliminate our attachments, but many times I used my human notions to loudly blame other practitioners. I judged and drew incorrect conclusions about my fellow practitioners. I used it to cover my attachments to competitiveness, jealousy, showing off, and gaining advantage from both sides. I didn't use the opportunity to cultivate myself and get rid of all those human notions. Instead, I was using Dafa-related work to cover up and strengthen all my attachments. I missed these grand opportunities again and again. I did not have a solid foundation of personal cultivation, yet I deceived myself by thinking I had cultivated well.
After the persecution began on July 20, 1999, many more human notions surfaced in me while I validated the Fa and did the three things. After I was arrested and “transformed,” the brainwashing officers made me believe that the practitioners they arrested and sentenced were the practitioners who walked on the frontline of validating Dafa, that they were not afraid of death and did the Dafa-related work well, while the practitioners who were not arrested or sentenced were usually those who hid at home and were afraid of stepping forward. In that environment it seemed reasonable and I had resentment in my mind with more and more confusion arising. As a result I deviated from cultivation even more.
During my Fa-study, Teacher’s article “Expounding on the Fa” awoke my true self. Teacher said,
“Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage.”
I remembered when “Expounding on the Fa” was published, it was hard for us to understand it. Some practitioners even asked Teacher to explain it more clearly. Teacher said,
“Actually, I didn’t write it entirely for your human side. Rather, I wrote it for the side of you that’s been fully cultivated. So to whatever degree you can comprehend it is all right.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”)
I thought that since our divine sides are our original nature, how would my divine side understand this? What’s the difference between the two sides? Enlightening to the answers these questions posed, my mind became much clearer.
Teacher said,
“You should look at yourself and see where you stand in your own heart. Is it 100% on the Fa? What is your insistence on holding onto your own opinion based on? You must look at the root of that thought.”(“ Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia”)
I continued measuring myself with the Fa’s requirements and by looking at my path of cultivation over the last few years. When I was truly able to do this, I found that both my divine side and my human side were delineated very clearly.
I saw the difference between the Fa rectification projects I had done with my divine side and the ones I had done with my human side. The starting point when using my divine side is to fulfill the requirement of the Fa-rectification and harmonize unconditionally with what Teacher wants. The goal is to save sentient beings. The fundamental state is selfless. The starting point when using my human notions was to use Dafa-related work to reach the goal of consummation. That fundamental state is selfishness.
The divine and human sides have different starting points. They have different notions, fundamental natures, and energy. They have completely different effects and results. I immediately realized which path was arranged by Teacher and which path the old forces had arranged.
In both past situations when I was doing Dafa projects or being “transformed,” I didn't walk out of the trap that the old forces set up for me (which included passing the test of life and death, studying the Fa, clarifying the truth, and sending forth righteous thoughts). “Transformation” was a trap set up by the old forces. Their goal was to destroy me.
I now clearly understand that although I was predestined to cultivate in Dafa, I did not fully cultivate myself based on this immense Fa. I was using human principles and notions to cultivate myself. It was just like using elementary schoolbooks to study at university. Teacher does not acknowledge the old forces and can only help us if we have righteous thoughts and actions.
Only when we can constantly identify, restrain, and conquer our human sides and dissolve the fake self (selfishness) will we have stronger and stronger righteous thoughts. Our divine sides can then take full control, and with a deep understanding of the Fa based on the Fa, break down layers and layers of human notions. Only then are we truly cultivating ourselves within the Fa, and can we follow Teacher back to our original true homes.
