(Clearwisdom.net) I have cultivated for 13 years. However, I have not been able to relinquish my attachments of lust, jealousy, fame, or self-interest. Although my behavior has been correct, my xinxing hasn't truly elevated. As a result, I had several misunderstandings recently.
I once had a regular job, which I lost due to the persecution. In order to make ends meet, I started a business. To expand the business, I went to the south with my business partner, a female fellow practitioner. It was a one-week trip a distance of a few thousand kilometers. During the trip, we ate at the same table, slept in different rooms, and treated each other with appropriate etiquette. I poured my energy into expansion of the business.
Some fellow practitioners, including my mother, misunderstood us. My mother's reminders started with nagging and evolved to tears. I didn't know what was wrong. I told her that it was just a business trip.
Every time I went to the home of the female fellow practitioner, I tried my best to take my wife or 13-year-old son with me. The husband, a non-practitioner, knew that I deliberately did so to avoid gossip. Although I explained the situation many times, my xinxing didn't elevate on the Fa.
Later, more rumors spread among practitioners. I didn't pay any attention to them. I thought I was conducting myself properly and that the rumors would stop. However, when I went to the market with this female practitioner, we bumped into another practitioner. When we greeted each other, the practitioner looked at me disrespectfully. I started pondering: “If my behavior was correct, why don't my fellow practitioners—or even my mother—trust me? Why?
I finally looked inward. I discovered that I had slacked off in my cultivation because I didn't study the Fa with my heart. As for the four issues in Master's article "Cultivators' Avoidances" in Essentials for Further Advancement, I only looked at my behaviors instead of my mind.
As for lust, I liked and even fancied beautiful women. As for fame, I sometimes went too far in validating myself. As for self-interest, I often wanted 10 times the return on my investment. My jealousy issue was quite severe as well. I couldn't take criticism.
I didn't meet the standards of the Fa. I couldn't hide my realm of cultivation in other dimensions. When I realized all of this, I was so relieved. I knew that looking inward was a treasure for cultivation. I would no longer settle for ordinary people's standards of not making behavioral mistakes. I would truly elevate my xinxing.
I also would like to remind other fellow practitioners who feel they are misunderstood or those who have made severe mistakes, to not focus on being defensive and covering up. No matter what it is, as long as we remember to look inward and evaluate the situations according to the Fa, we will be able to overcome obstacles in our cultivation.
Speaking about the disrespectful look from practitioners, my attachments might have turned a normal greeting into something else. It might not be true that fellow practitioners misunderstood me. If we can treat all "unfairness" or "misunderstandings" in cultivation as Master's compassionate reminders and arrangements, wouldn't that be nice? Would there still be any gaps?
I would like to conclude my sharing with a quote from Master's Fa:
"Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating." (“To the Chicago Fa Conference”)
Category: Improving Oneself
