(Clearwisdom.net) For several days I stayed at a practitioner's home. The husband, wife and daughter all practice Falun Dafa. From the interaction with them I noticed that the couple rarely share experiences with their daughter on the Fa. The daughter just studies and practices on her own most of the time.
I talked to the mother about my feelings and understandings. However, during our talk and afterwards, she did not say a word. So this topic was ended there. I thought then, “Why did she respond this way? Is she avoiding this topic? Does she have some attachment that she does not want to touch?”
Today I had a discussion with this practitioner about whether or not we should go to an event, and she said, “I don't want to argue. Let's not talk about it anymore.” I said, “We should not avoid problems.” I mentioned the last experience, saying, “That last time I mentioned about your daughter, you kept silent, why? Do you have an attachment that can not be touched? Are you covering something?” She said, “You always impose your understandings on others, you always ask others to accept yours, you are always up there and looking down, no matter what you say, you're always right, so I don't want to say anything.” I said then, “I just wanted to share my understanding. How did I force you to accept it? Why do you think other practitioners' words are up there and looking down? What attachment of yours was hit upon?”
Later on, I immediately realized that this practitioner's mouth was being used to give me a hint. It must be that my field contains this substance of “always being right” and I look down on others, and that's why the practitioner felt uncomfortable, and did not want to continue talking to me. Today I got to hear such straightforward words from her mouth. It was time for me to cultivate seriously.
So how did this substance form?
My human thoughts are often very logical. No matter what I say or do, I often see it as “perfect.” No matter what I do, I always have justification.
Since I was a child, I was very thoughtful. I stood out as being different from others. Even in day care, I was a “little adult.” My words and actions were often a model for my classmates to follow. Sometimes they even let me help with some teacher's responsibilities.
As an adult, friends liked to chat with me when they had problems, suffered an ailment or had other things which were hard to resolve. They also liked to hear my opinion when they were trying to make decision.
In an earlier phase of my personal cultivation, some practitioners visited me periodically, especially when they were going through a cultivation test. We would sit together and chat for hours.
At that time every time after the sharing, I would look back on the whole process and ask myself, “Why did you talk so much during the sharing? Do you think that you cultivate very well and have enlightened to a high level? Do I have a show-off mentality?” I often watched my behavior. However, after we entered the Fa-rectification period, I rarely asked myself this, because I felt that this was a problem that was resolved a long time ago. But today those words from the practitioner's mouth woke me up. I knew I really should look inward and cultivate myself on this aspect.
From this moment on, I will: 1. Not reject. When we have different or even opposite understandings, I should not use “different understandings” as excuse to reject others' opinions and insist on my own. Instead, I should say “I'll give serious thought to what you said.” 2. Not explain. When others don't understand my mindset or misunderstand me, I should not be attached to explaining my side. If I am misunderstood, so what? I should use this opportunity to get rid of the attachment of fear of being understood. 3. Not deflect. When someone instructed me on something that I already knew how to do, in the past I would say “I know.” The meaning behind the words were “There's no need for you to tell me.” After I practiced Falun Dafa I realized there were attachments behind my saying “I know.” However, as I write this sharing, I realize that though I don't say “I know” any more, and even though I agree with others, I would add a line as to why I do it this way, as if I must show that my understanding is more complete. I think I'll change to a simple “OK” or “All right.” In the past whenever I spoke, I was either disagreeing with or adding on to what others said. Now I will truly change.
I wrote this sharing during the process of looking inward. I am determined to change. There might be some going back and forth during the process, but I firmly believe as long as I study the Fa more and constantly look inward, I will do better and better.
