(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time it was obvious that my cultivation status was cycling. For a period of time I was diligent, then for another period of time I was depressed. It continued on like this. I felt that it was caused by the arrangements of the old forces, and that if I wanted to break these cycles, I needed to break the arrangements of the old forces.
One day after dinner, I started feeling depressed again. I didn't want to do anything, so I went to sleep early. I knew it was wrong, but my main spirit didn't eliminate it. Thus I did not study the Fa, did not do the exercises, and did not send forth righteous thoughts at midnight. (I work during the day, so I usually use the night time to study the Fa, do the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts, write articles, read Minghui articles, and print truth-clarification materials.)
I had a dream in which I kept walking, and unknowingly I slipped into a deep trench. I was near water and it was dangerous. Fortunately the water was frozen, otherwise I would have drowned. I thought that I needed to reach the bank before the ice melted, otherwise I would sink (which in Chinese means depressed). I realized in the dream that I had fallen into the trench because of depression. I sat next to the water and thought. Master said,
"...with the master and the Fa here what is there to fear?" ("Lecture in Sydney")
So I struggled to climb up. My hands were holding the frozen side of the trench, and both of my feet were dangling in the air, yet I held on. I looked up and saw a child, so I called for help. The child went to look for helpers. Soon a teenager came, but they could not pull me out no matter how hard they tried. I tried my best to climb up with both of my hands, but it was truly tiring. That same night, I also had another dream. I dreamed that since I didn't print truth-clarification flyers, the ink cartridge caught on fire. I enlightened that since I didn't let it print truth-clarification flyers to save people, it became angry. Just for one night not on the Fa, I lost so much and fell down. We should not be depressed for a single moment.
Looking at my family offers inspiration. Though my husband is not a cultivator, He usually makes full use of each day, staying up until 11:00 p.m. or midnight. How can I waste a moment of precious cultivation time! Even my daughter writes her homework carefully every night, and she studies until quite late. This is her long-term approach to studying. How can I, a cultivator, be depressed? What is depression? Isn't it a kind of attachment that makes people fall down into a trench? It is just like laziness, attachment to comfort, and feeling lonely. It is difficult to detect those attachments, but they have the same purpose of destroying cultivators.
In the past, when I was being controlled by depression, I looked depressed, felt grief, and didn't know what to do. My field was full of fear, with cold and passive factors. I always thought about negative things, which troubled me. I didn't feel like doing anything. I felt helpless and I only wanted to go to bed and sleep. I didn't look for solutions, thus I was just controlled by it.
I finally realized that this was wrong, and I became determined to break through this issue. Once I developed the thought of breaking through it and eliminating it, I felt strong. I immediately felt energy, and it gave me confidence. I felt that I was able to eliminate it. I memorized “Lunyu,” and sent forth righteous thoughts. Then I felt that I could control my field, and the depression immediately disappeared. I thought about the “energy field” mentioned by Master. I also remembered. Master said: “The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.” (Zhuan Falun)
I immediately felt that the power of the Budda Fa eliminated all the dark factors in my field. Even the corners became bright. I realized that my field is controlled by me and not by the old forces. Once my field became righteous, everything outside also became righteous.
Master said,
“Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal” (“Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal,” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
So we have the ability to change everything outside. My field is so big that layers and layers of particles can penetrate all time and space to reconnect and change to form what is desired.
Master said,
“I’ve told you before that when a god creates something, one thought is all it takes and immediately it will be done. With the highest gods, even when creating universes, one thought is all it takes for it to immediately be done. That’s because such is the height of their wisdom and the strength of their power, and there exists such a huge field within their realm, and so many planes of particles are within that field. If the particles spanning each and every single plane from big to small are indeed alive, then think about it, as soon as [that god] forms some intention in his mind, all of those molecules, all of that strength, and all of those particles are alive, and all of them, however large or miniscule, at the same instant do their part and carry out whatever the command is. And furthermore, as this is done beyond any space or time, is it not completed in an instant? It is miraculous, and it is how divine beings create things—with one thought, things are instantly completed. Gods and Buddhas don’t need to move about, for what is truly acting are all of those particles, in the blink of an eye forming and creating things—one creates this plane and another creates that plane, one creates this thing and another creates that thing, with what’s created having an enormous density." ("Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference")
When studying this part of the Fa, I suddenly enlightened. No wonder that when practitioners are righteous, do the three things well, and have a good mentality, we need not deliberately emphasize it. Just one kind and pure thought can determine the result, because that thought is a divine thought. When I recalled a certain incident, I realized that I indeed had the thought, and it worked. There are so many stories like this. While when we do not cultivate ourselves well, lack righteous thoughts, and are unable to let go of attachments, the old forces will catch the loophole and try their best to destroy us. No matter how hard we try, the righteous thoughts just do not work. I felt that all the particles in my field wanted to take action, but there was a strong force suppressing the particles. Not only couldn't I eliminate the evil, I could barely protect myself, and I was helpless in front of the evil persecution. Even Master can't help us in this situation. At that time I felt desperate and regretful. So I realized that as long as I studied the Fa well, looked inside, eliminated all attachments, kept my mind assimilated to the Fa, always cultivated myself, and did the three things well, I would naturally have compassionate and righteous thoughts. Those are the divine thoughts. By always maintaining compassionate, righteous, and divine thoughts, we will be able to protect ourselves, thus truly helping Master in Fa-rectification. Then when we send forth righteous thoughts, we will demonstrate our mighty power, and will have enough ability to completely eliminate evil, break all the arrangements by the old forces, and save more sentient beings.
This is my limited understanding. If there is anything not appropriate, I hope fellow practitioners will compassionately correct me.
