(Minghui.org) I read about jealousy today when I studied the Fa. Master says, “An ordinary person cannot see this point and always believes that he should do exactly what he is able to.” (Zhuan Falun). I suddenly understood the words “he should do exactly what he is able to” and realized that this was the root of my jealousy. I thought that I did not have the attachment of jealousy before, because I was not jealous of those who are better educated or more capable than myself. I also have sympathy for those who are poor or in worse condition, but I think I should get what I deserve. Thus, I am only jealous of those similar to me.

Many of my university classmates have stable jobs, but I lost my job because of the persecution of Falun Dafa in China. I was one of the top students in my university, so I always felt irritated when I thought of this. I always thought, “If this persecution had not happened, I would be better off than all of you…” When I saw that my female classmates had harmonious families, I would think, “I am more beautiful than you. Anybody among my previous pursuers would be….” When I saw that some practitioners were rich, I would think, “I am more capable than you. It is all because of this persecution that I lost everything.”

I thought I should have a stable income, a house, and have other people admire me because of my education and appearance. I was not jealous of those who have great wealth, mansions, or high ranks because I thought I could not get those with my capabilities. Actually, I just wanted to get what I “deserve” during my life. I got what I could reach, and I am satisfied with it. I thought I was being realistic and what I got is what I deserved.

Looking back now, the old forces arranged my life and made this notion very stubborn. I almost thought that it was the principle of life. So I felt resentful after I lost everything because of the persecution. I felt even worse when my friends and relatives laughed at me, felt sorry for me, or misunderstood me. It is the attachment of jealousy. I came to understand that we can only get the things we are destined for. The notion of “I should get what I deserve” should be eliminated. The jealousy results from the belief in absolute egalitarianism. In ancient times, the Founding Emperor would appreciate gods for blessings, but nowadays people would think they are capable once they obtain small benefits. They think they deserve the things they receive and forget that everything was exchanged with de (virtue) in other dimensions.

Please correct me if there is anything inappropriate.