(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. To avoid persecution, I moved from place to place for 21 consecutive months, starting in March 2001. After looking within, I finally discovered that I had many human attachments and notions.
I Was Unable To Identify My Fundamental Attachments
In December 2002, I was illegally detained and later sentenced. When I looked within, I realized several things about myself: I was still attached to doing things; my mind was not pure when I was studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts, I was self-absorbed and looked down on others, and I was attached to time and sexual desire. In addition, I failed to harmonize with my family, thus I got divorced.
In 2006, I was released from prison and returned home. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what my fundamental attachments were. Having failed to come up with anything, I decided that I didn't have any fundamental attachments; thus, I stopped looking for them.
Since I was unable to identify my fundamental attachments, I did the three things with an impure mind.
In January 2007, I was again detained and later sentenced. When I looked inside myself this time, I discovered that:
I continually sought approval from fellow practitioners.
I did not completely deny the old forces' arrangements.
I did not discipline my mind while sending righteous thoughts and practicing the sitting meditation.
I was attached to family and hoped that they would be blessed by the Fa in the future.
I did not eliminate my attachments to lust and sexual desire.
I was always curious as to what new things Master would talk about next, instead of genuinely cultivating myself.
I Finally Found My Fundamental Attachments!
One day, a fellow practitioner talked to me about his intense desire to escape the cycle of samsara and his attachment to consummating. After he finished talking, I suddenly realized what my fundamental attachments were!
In the beginning of my practice, I, too, longed for the same things that this practitioner did. However, as time went by and my understanding of the Fa improved, these two attachments gradually became hidden from view.
Before I began practicing Dafa, I disliked living in a society that was so full of corruption. Whenever I saw it, I felt very sad about my life.
After cultivating, I discovered that ordinary people could elevate themselves, thus, they had the chance to enjoy a very bright future. How happy I was for them!
So, as a local assistant—and with this warped thinking in mind—I set up a group Fa-study at my home, before July 1999.
I now feel deeply ashamed of myself. Instead of genuinely cultivating my character, I used the great Fa to reinforce my human notions.
I will now seize the remaining time left before Fa-Rectification to truly cultivate myself and complete my historic mission!