(Minghui.org) Under the persecution of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I have given in to the evil many times and have done things that a Falun Dafa practitioner should never do. I have written a solemn statement negating my “transformation.” Even though I regretted my actions after the fact, deep down I subconsciously defended myself.

I considered myself at a point where I couldn't stand any more persecution. I even said to other practitioners that, if it happened again today, I would do things the same way. This implies that I had no choice under the persecution. I also aligned myself with those collaborators who allowed themselves to be “transformed.”

Through sharing with a practitioner who made it through tribulations with her righteous thoughts and actions and reading an article entitled, "Born in Dafa, One's Consciousness Is Clear" published on the Minghui website on September 27, 2013, I enlightened to the fact that my understanding was completely wrong. The so-called "transformation," whether one accepts it actively or passively, should never happen to someone who has obtained the Fa. It is a being's greatest humiliation. Even though on the surface it appears to be different if one is willingly “transformed” as opposed to passively, under great pressure, in terms of being against Teacher and betraying Dafa, there is no difference between the two.

In addition, the person who is willingly “transformed” is someone under the control of evil beings from other dimensions, and one whose main consciousness is not clear. The person who is “transformed” passively, on the other hand, has attachments like fear that makes them do something against their will. It is not necessarily because they were not clear-headed, but rather, their human thoughts had gained the upper hand, which makes them walk a human path at the critical moment.

Regarding this, practitioners who use any excuse, either to exonerate themselves or to cover up their action, all all do so from their human attachments and from not looking inwards, but rather outwards. It is a manifestation of having committed a big mistake but still not knowing how to look inside, and this is truly dangerous!

As for having an unclear understanding about passive "transformation," this is also one of the reasons many practitioners make mistakes again and again, and do not correct themselves.

Teacher has said:

"Under absolutely no circumstance should a Dafa disciple be transformed by the evil." ("Fa Taught in the International Teleconference" from The Essentials of Diligent Progress VOL. III)

Teacher also said,

“Human beings are just human beings. At critical moments it is hard for them to let go of their human notions, but they always try to find excuses to convince themselves.” ("Position" from  Essentials for Further Advancement II)

"After being used by demons, these people "enlighten" along an evil path but still think that they're right, and look in the Fa for excuses by taking things out of context to defend themselves." (“Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. International Fa Conference” from Guiding the Voyage)

For a long time, I couldn't use the Fa as a guide to see through my skewed logic and notions. I have been holding onto my understanding that "transformation" under high pressure was my only choice and I should be forgiven.

It all comes down to the fact that I didn't study the Fa well for a long time, had many human attachments, and was harboring very strong human attachments and notions while studying the Fa. Moreover, I was judging and measuring the Fa subconsciously, which resulted from looking outwards rather than inward. Going forward, I will pay attention to my shortcomings, eliminate those human attachments and notions, and follow the Fa-rectification process closely.

Fellow mainland Chinese practitioners, if any of you have been “transformed” and have notions like these, I hope you will snap out of this incorrect understanding and rectify yourself rationally as soon as possible. Truly cultivate solidly under righteous enlightenment as you go forward, assist Teacher in rectifying the Fa, and walk towards consummation.