(Minghui.org) Greetings, revered Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Ever since I was a child, I wondered about the meaning of life. The turning point came when my older sister introduced Falun Gong to me. I decided that this was what I had been searching for and started practicing. When the persecution started, I was imprisoned. I have put Dafa as the priority in all circumstances, hence when I encountered conflicts, everything became smooth whenever I looked within and eliminated my attachments. Below is my experience.
I obtained the Fa nearly 17 years ago, and under Master's compassionate care, I have been tripping over myself as I walk to this day. I am filled with emotion as I look back at the path that I have walked.
Each time the call went out for the China Experience Sharing Conference on Minghui, I've wanted to write my experiences down. However, each time I tried, I couldn't finish because my tears began as soon as I picked up my pen. Because I couldn't stop crying, I gave up. I've been helping others edit and type their articles. As a result, I didn't have time to write mine. I guess this is also an excuse.
This time, with help and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I was determined to write down my experiences. I wish to fulfill Master's requirement and cherish the path that I've walked. I need to sum up my experiences, accept the lessons, learn from fellow practitioners' strong points, and examine my own weaknesses so we can progress together.
From the time I could understand things, I kept pondering the same question, “What is the meaning of life? People are constantly pursuing, looking for something. They are never satisfied.” Although I'm quite easygoing, I didn't have any close friends and nobody understood me. As I got older, this mentality became stronger and stronger.
I became interested in qigong but the teachers of the ones I looked into were obsessed with getting famous and wealthy, so I didn't join them. I wasted years pursuing this. Finally, as my 30 th birthday approached, my future seemed bleak and I lost hope so my bad temper got worse.
The turning point in my life came on the last day of 1996. I was given three days off during the New Year, so I took a bus to my older sister's home after work. She introduced Dafa to me. She said, “We have just learned Falun Gong. It not only requires us to practice the movements, we have to cultivate our xinxing using Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.” I listened very attentively and it was as though her words echoed to the depths of my soul. When she mentioned that Master Li Hongzhi said, “...one’s gong level is as high as one’s xinxing level.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun) I was really shaken. I knew that this was the truth and what I had been searching for.
She had just started practicing and said, “We have not attended Teacher's class and don't know if we have a Falun.” I blurted out, “If you're sincere, you will have Falun even if you hide behind the Yin mountains. If you aren't sincere, you won't have it even if Teacher is living next door.”
Looking back I don't know how I understood this since, like everyone else in China I was educated in the atheistic CCP culture. I now realize I must have had a predestined relationship! That night, all my notions about life were cleared out in my dreams. When I woke up in the morning, Master had purified my body and all my illnesses had been swept away.
I was so happy when I heard that some people in the province had already practiced for two years, but I became anxious as I had been searching painstakingly for this for so many years. Why did I find out about it so late? Master! I can endure all sorts of suffering. Let me catch up quickly!
After returning home, my husband, who had always followed my advice, got angry and opposed me when he heard that I wanted to cultivate. It was useless, no matter what I said. He said, “I won't do any more housework if you want to practice.” I said, “Then I'll do all the household chores.” He began smashing things when he saw that I was not moved. He said he was going to light the gas cylinder. I could not stop him. I thought, “I have Master. I can't die and will not die.” With such a thought, my husband went over to the gas cylinder but turned around and came back.
Another time, his hands were like a pair of pliers strangling me. When I was about to suffocate, I thought, “I can't die. I still need to cultivate.” He immediately released me.
I had already passed a few life and death tests even though I didn't have the books yet. The wonderfulness of Dafa was already displayed to me – Master would really look after me if I really cultivated.
I would hurry to the bookstore every few days to check if the Falun Dafa books had arrived. When I saw the practitioner who was helping sell Dafa books sitting with his legs on top of each other, I really envied him. He recited “True Cultivation” and “Enlightenment” for me. I was so excited that I wanted to cry. I asked, “What are you reciting? Which book are they in?” He said they were Master's recent writings. I made up my mind that when I had the books, I would memorize, too.
Finally, after two weeks I had eight books. I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises, cultivated my xinxing, and basked in the glory of the Buddha Fa. I had an irritable temper and was often anxious, so I focused on being tolerant. Master requires that one should not fight back when being punched or insulted. Before, whenever I said something, my husband didn't argue, and he was always influenced by my mood. We never fought before. Now I couldn't say anything or we'd have a fight exactly like Master said in the lecture. I had to keep my mouth shut and forbear.
My heart was filled with the Fa, and I even memorized the Fa in my dreams. Thus, each time a test came, I always said in my heart to Master, “I can do it, Master.” Eliminating attachments was really hard. The attachment of avoiding public embarrassment or saving face was as though someone was punching or insulting me. Each time, I was tested to the limit. If a drop of water had been added to it, it would have overflowed. If the test wasn't clear, I wasn't able to pass it. Each test I passed reaffirmed my confidence in cultivation, and I could feel that I was upgrading every day. From one week to the next, I was a totally different person.
Once, Master encouraged me. In my dream, I was holding my daughter's hand and swimming in an endless vast ocean against the wind and waves, towards the sunrise. When I woke up to go to work, I saw the sun that rose that morning was exactly the same as in my dream.
I became more diligent. Because I didn't have the exercise music, I would practice the second exercise for one hour by looking at the clock on the wall. I was sweating all over after I finished practicing every day. I kept increasing the length of time I meditated, and I spent all my spare time studying the Fa.
In 1997, ten days before school re-opened after the winter break, my child was at my mother-in-law's house. I suddenly developed a thought, “I must memorize the whole book Essentials for Further Advancement by memorizing ten articles each day.” Strengthened by Master, I memorized all the articles within ten days. I really felt that the heavens were clear and my body was transparent and I could feel myself upgrading.
Words could not describe that kind of joy, and this laid the foundation for my Fa-rectification cultivation after July 20, 1999. When I was released from prison at the end of 2003, Essentials for Further Advancement II had been published and I memorized it. I continue to memorize The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III .
In the summer of 1997, I found a practice site. I was able to progress faster with group Fa study and practice. The number of people at the practice site kept increasing, and every day there were more than 40 people and sometimes more than 100. One day, a fellow practitioner who was also my colleague said, “The Fa study site needs an assistant. Someone asked me if you would be willing to be one.” I didn't hesitate and said, “I'm willing.” In my heart, I was very clear that an assistant has no fame or wealth. There is only sacrifice. An assistant should help fellow practitioners progress in comprehending the Fa and not think of oneself. Thus, I took the lead role in every situation by actively spreading the Fa and taking the initiative to look inwards.
Once, I had dirty thoughts of lust for several days and I exposed this at the Fa study site. As result, that thought disappeared instantly. It really is “Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun) Afterwards, several fellow practitioners also spoke about the same phenomenon and they progressed in understanding the Fa.
After studying the Fa, assistants often had to stay behind to discuss things, so I usually got home after 10 p.m.
During the morning group exercises, a few assistants took turns correcting people's exercise movements. There were often new practitioners and the assistants showed them patiently over and over again.
In the summer of 1998, there were too many people at the practice site, so 12 of us set up another practice site near the road. I woke up at 4:15 a.m. and got to the site 10 minutes before we began to hang the banners. I went to work after finishing the exercises at 6:50 a.m..
Autumn passed and the weather became colder. When winter came, many practitioners stayed at home to practice, and I had the same thought, too. However, my colleague practitioner said, “How many winters do we still have to be able to have a group practice outside?” Practitioners could feel the urgency of time. Thus, I decided to practice outside throughout that whole winter. I did the five exercises each day without fail.
Winter mornings were very cold. I got to the site in the dark and hung the banners. The exercise music would start on time at 4:40 a.m. and at least three people would be there. When the wind blew hard, we placed the recorder in a big plastic bag. When it snowed heavily while we meditated, we looked like snowmen. The coldest day was -15 o C (about 5 o F) and the recorder froze and the sound changed. Once, the volunteer director came to our practice site and when he noticed that the recorder sounded odd, he took off his jacket and covered it. We were very moved. We did the exercises outside throughout that winter.
I didn't want to go back to my parents' home that year because I was responsible for bringing the recorder. Although what we did seemed quite ordinary I still remember a person who watched us practicing and meditating every morning. Perhaps he had some supernormal abilities or perhaps Master was using him to encourage us, because he said we were wearing yellow clothing and we looked like Buddhas sitting there meditating. He also said that Falun Gong was really a Buddha School practice. That winter of 1998-99 has became our fondest memory.
The winter passed and we welcomed spring in 1999. Our Fa study site rapidly improved. The videos of Master teaching the Fa at conferences continued to spread across China, and fellow practitioners were upgrading. I was moved by Master's teaching the Fa and I could clearly feel that a big test was coming. Fellow practitioners and I kept discussing this at the Fa study site. In less than a month, the “April 25” event that shocked the world took place.
That morning, we were practicing at the site and some practitioners told us about going to Beijing to appeal. We took a taxi and went to Beijing.
When we got there, many people were already standing on the side of the road, so we stood at the end. I was very tired and I was wearing high-heeled shoes because I didn't have time to change them. Some practitioners were also tired and sat behind others to rest a while. I thought, "If everyone is tired and wants to sit at the back, who will be left to stand?" A sense of responsibility welled up and I felt that I should stand at the front. People in cars were recording us and I continued to stand till midnight.
Just before midnight, everyone left, but I had to walk about ten miles to the bus station. The bus was full of practitioners sitting, but there were also some standing up. I still had that sense of responsibility and thought that I should stand. I stood for more than 200 miles, until I got off the bus, and by the time I reached home, it was nearly morning.
When the alarm rang at 4:15 a.m., I woke up, carried the recorder, and hung the banners at the practice site. I was the first person to reach the practice site and felt a huge sense of responsibility.
A few days later, I received news that my father had passed away while I was at the practice site on the morning of May 1, 1999. I rushed home to arrange his funeral. Three days after I returned to school to work, the police were already there waiting for me. I was realized the test had begun.
Next came pressure from the Department of Education, school, and family. The persecution started officially on July 20, but for practitioners who were teachers, it began two months earlier. The Department of Education and the school threatened us with expulsion and transfer to isolated locations, exerting pressure on us at every level. Both threats and enticements were used to try to get me to write a guarantee statement. I refused, so the principal pressured my husband. When my husband came home, he slapped and kicked me. I knew this was a test because the Fa was already deeply rooted in my heart.
The school leaders tried a different approach when they saw that I was not moved, saying, “If you refuse to write it, so be it. However, can you just practice at home?” I said, “No, I can't.” Then they said, “You can practice outside, but you cannot hang the banners.” I replied, “I will [hang the banners].”
In June 1999, one group of practitioners after another went to Tianjin and Beijing to appeal, and I was among them. The situation was getting tense, and fewer people were coming to the practice site to study the Fa. I felt a greater responsibility to be there. I tried to be there early every day and was the last one to leave. Police came to our Fa study site. We studied the Fa as usual and talked about the miraculous cures people had experienced and benefits of Dafa and examples of Dafa teaching people to be a good people.
The atmosphere became more tense with each passing day. On the night of July 19, everyone was waiting outside of a practitioner couple's house. The couple had been summoned to the police station for questioning. Finally, an officer from the station came and opened the door for us. The couple gave the key to the police, telling them that people were waiting at their house to study the Fa. Whenever I remember this, I feel like crying. The pressure on the couple was greater and their sense of responsibility was also stronger.
The next morning was July 20, and the CCP officially began the persecution. The police came to our practice site and snatched our banners. Many assistants were illegally arrested and taken to detention centers, and our Dafa books were confiscated. I was confused. I went home and knelt on the floor, asking Master to enlighten me. I thought, "If we are imprisoned and our Dafa books are confiscated, we won't be able to practice or study the Fa. How can we cultivate?" I couldn't understand why this was happening. The weather was very hot, and I sweat so much that the floor tiles I knelt on were wet.
This was the first time I didn't know what to do. At that time, I also had the attachment of fear. I gave my husband a Dafa book that was torn in half. I even went to the detention center to try to persuade my sister to stop studying the Fa, practicing the exercises, and cultivating. Whenever I recall this, I'm ashamed. A month later I realized that I was wrong and became determined to do better.
In 1999, groups of practitioners traveled from all over the country to Beijing to safeguard and uphold the Fa. I understood that going to Beijing to defend Falun Dafa was our responsibility. I wanted to go, too. My attachment of fear was very strong, and I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep anymore. I thought of my child, my job, my family and the thought of losing everything. My complexion turned sallow and I couldn't eat. However, I still felt a sense of responsibility that, no matter how afraid I was, I should never give up the wish to go to Beijing.
Finally, I placed the Fa as the priority. Could I let of go of life and death for the Fa? Yes, I could. At first, a few practitioners discussed going together. However, when it was time to go, there was nobody else. I decided to go alone.
When I was packing my things and preparing to set off, I became very calm – as though I were going to visit relatives. Master must have seen my resolve and was strengthening me, otherwise I wouldn't have been so calm.
“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun) I had a new understanding of this sentence – On the surface, it seemed that I was doing something for Dafa, but actually, Master was helping me.
In 2000, several practitioners and I were arrested and placed in a detention center. I was the only one not given an arrest ticket. I did not understand from the Fa that I should not be there and should only follow Master's arrangement. Instead, I had the selfish thought that I was lucky and maybe this had nothing to do with me. When other practitioners protested the persecution and validated the Fa, I didn't speak out and the evil saw my selfishness.
One day when practitioners were sitting together to interact and learn from each other, a guard squinted and snarled at me, “You are like a big spy with them crowding around you to listen while you wait for me to 'arrange things' for you.” I trembled with fear when I heard this. I calmed down and looked within. I suddenly understood. I had been protecting myself and not the Fa. This was very selfish and I had to eliminate it.
Afterwards, I was first to oppose the persecution and validate the Fa. At that time, I didn't know how to negate the persecution, but I knew that being afraid of being persecuted was an attachment. I went to the opposite extreme and no longer cared if I was imprisoned.
There were three cells for women, and more than 30 of us practitioners were held there. We interacted and learned from each other. Every day, we would cooperate as a group to oppose the persecution by shouting together, “Falun Dafa is good! Justice for Falun Gong!” This really shocked the police guards.
Another practitioner and I were singled out as the leaders. We were separated and sent to another detention center. As usual, we shouted, “Falun Dafa is good! Justice for Falun Gong!” and other truth-clarification messages every day.
The persecution was most severe at the end of 2000, and our actions really disturbed the authorities. The guards took handcuffs, leg irons, and electric batons and ran at us to threaten and frighten us. Sometimes, they would put leg irons on us and drag us outside to be tortured. The next day, I had the attachment of fear when I wanted to shout and thought that if the other practitioners in the cell shouted with me, it would be different.
Because of my attachment, the guards singled me out for punishment. I looked inwards immediately and realized that I had the attachment of depending on others and thought that this shouting together was only powerful when several practitioners did it. The third day when I wanted to shout, I had the attachment of fear. I knew I needed to eliminate that attachment. When I stood at the cell door and clarified the truth, the male prisoners in the next cell criticized me. They used to enjoy listening to us clarifying the truth. So why did they criticize me this time?
I suddenly understood that I was not doing this to validate the Fa or to save people. Instead, I was trying to eliminate my attachment of fear. If I hadn't looked inwards, I wouldn't have realized this. When I identified it, I was shocked. I was doing the same thing but with a different motive – one for myself and the other to validate the Fa, but because of my motive the outcome was entirely different.
Later, I learned to pay attention to my every thought and understood I should safeguard and uphold the Fa and not myself. On my first day in prison, the guard ordered us to stand against the wall. I thought, "I represent Dafa's image. Since I haven't broken any laws, I can't go along with that." Next, the guard ordered us to memorize the prison rules. The rules were for prisoners--if I memorized them, I would be acknowledging that I'd done something wrong, so I could not do that. When the guard insisted we shout,"Report," when going in and out, I thought that I should not do that because I was not a prisoner. The guard wanted us to work, have our photographs taken, and stand up when the captain entered. I refused.
The inmate who was assigned to monitor and torture practitioners said, “You said you are a teacher, yet you don't have any manners. If a guest comes to your house, don't you stand up?” I said, “When I went to the captain's room, why didn't she stand up?” The inmate was speechless.
We should act according to the Fa and not think of ourselves. If your starting point is is to completely safeguard and uphold the Fa, nobody will dare to touch you. It may seem easy, but only if you are able to let go of life and death can you do it. Things that may seem impossible are possible when one's basis is to safeguard and uphold the Fa. Not only will no one dare to touch you, they will even admire you.
At one point my family came to visit me. I hadn't seen them for a year, and I missed them terribly. The old forces thought that they could exploit my feelings. The captain said that if I shouted "Report," I would be allowed to see them. I refused and the captain said, “Your family is freezing outside. It's already 4 p.m. and it'll be dark soon. Okay, let them freeze outside if you refuse to report and you don't care about seeing them.”
A few people came to try to persuade me, saying “Isn't it just a word? That's nothing. Just report. Just shout 'Report.'” I pulled myself together and re-adjusted myself. I look inwards to see if I had any attachments. No, I really didn't have any. My only wish was to safeguard and uphold the Fa. I calmed down. I knew I would see them when I was released.
After half an hour the captain said, “Go, go and see them.”
Afterwards, I never shouted "Report," was never forced to stand, never had my photograph taken, and never memorized the prison rules. I did not work, and when I cleaned the toilet, it was because I wanted to go out and contact practitioners.
As long as one is on the Fa, Master will help. I can't do anything. This was my most moving experience. Although others are criticizing you on the surface, they actually admire you. There are many areas that I didn't do well in, but Master sees our human notions and what our thoughts are. We should do whatever we have enlightened to.
I very firmly upheld the Fa and was very clear on the Fa principles. However, people who had “enlightened” along an evil path were still sent to “transform” me. They were unable to sway me by twisting the Fa principles, so why were they still here?
I looked within and found that I had a very strong competitive mentality and that it was controlling me. I really could not stand it, especially when they took Master's words out of context and used them in twisted ways. We argued, and the person on duty came in and said, “Lower your voice.” I realized that I was speaking loudly, I was agitated, and my image was bad.
The old forces used my competitive mentality against me so that these collaborators specifically said things that slandered Master and the Fa. Once again, I raised my voice and the person on duty outside heard it, pushed the door open, and said, “Lower your voice.” This went on for several days and then I suddenly understood: I must cultivate myself, otherwise not only will I not be able to validate the Fa, I'll also be smearing Dafa.
I assured Master that, no matter what they said, I wouldn't argue. The old forces saw this, but they didn't give up and tried everything to arouse my competitive mentality. They ordered me to speak when I was quiet, and when I spoke on key points, they cut me off. I focused on readjusting myself. The old forces saw that this didn't work, so they started to humiliate me. I put a smile on face as I listened and warned myself not to talk back. I finally conquered myself, and the old forces withdrew.
After this, they stopped trying to “transform” me. This time, I really upgraded. I deeply realized that cultivating myself and looking within is the key to upgrading and the key to solving problems. Master said:
“As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts. Even though the old forces do exist, if you don't have those thoughts they can't do anything.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.”)
Thus, when I encounter any problems, I know I must look within and not be moved by false appearances and human notions. Those are the evil factors that are manipulating people to rile up our attachments. Because I never hated the guards, prisoners, or those who “enlightened” along the evil path, they stopped bothering me.
Many practitioners could not let go of their love for family and this gap was exploited. They were “transformed,” and some even “enlightened” along the evil path. I felt very bad for them. I searched myself and found that I was also attached to family. I was afraid that nobody would look after my daughter and afraid that my mother was worried about me. The old forces clearly saw all these attachments.
My younger brother came to visit, and the first thing he said was, “Nobody is looking after your daughter. The clothes she wears are no difference from a beggar's.” My eyes filled with tears and I was sad when I went back to the cell. A few hours later I realized: “This is bad. I have fallen into a trap. Haven't I been moved by attachments?” Master said, “If a Buddha waved his hand once, all of humankind’s diseases could be wiped out; this is absolutely achievable.” (Lecture Two in Zhuan Falun)
I thought, "Master knows that I have a child and an elderly mother. My daughter will be fine and my mother will not miss me." When my heart was on the Fa, I calmed down immediately. During the next visit, my daughter came. She was wearing new clothes from head to toe--she even lifted her feet to show me her new shoes.
I understood – when I really let go of the attachment, Master will take care of everything. This thing might seem insignificant, but I upgraded a big step in believing in Master and the Fa. Later, when I left prison, my sister said, “Mother didn't miss you at all.” I once again witnessed Master's compassion.
Another incident touched me greatly. When I was about to be released, my heart was calm. I did not have the happy feeling of being free and able to see my family. The day I was released, my husband said he wanted a divorce and had already sold the house. I was not moved at all as my only thought was to go home and study the Fa and practice the exercises.
My state was very good. I later learned that practitioners outside were sending forth righteous thoughts to strengthen me.
A few months later, we really did divorce, and this moved my heart. I could let go of everything and I didn't want anything, but I couldn't let go of my daughter because she was here for the Fa. However, my husband refused to give her to me. What should I do? I didn't know. I made up my mind to leave it in Master's compassionate hands and he would make the best arrangement. As a result, I gave my child to my husband and no longer thought about it. There was no trace of sadness, because I believed whatever Master arranged would be the best.
I truly handed everything over to Master and was no longer attached to my daughter. Master started to take care of her. She was not sad because she could not see me. She was calm and steady, positive and optimistic. When she went to my mother's house to stay during her winter break, she studied the Fa and practiced the exercises when I asked her to. She memorized Hong Yin as well as Master's recent long articles.
My daughter went to school where I taught before and I knew the teachers. During the parent-teacher meeting, I told her teacher that if my child had any problems, she must tell me. She thought for a while, then said, “Your daughter is good in everything. She's a really good child.” Once again, I witnessed the power of Dafa. It was obvious that Master was looking out after her--what was I worried about?
During the summer and winter breaks, parents will enroll their children for tuition classes. I told my daughter, “You must believe in Master and the Fa. Nothing that you attend can be compared with studying the Fa.” Because I was not attached to my child's grades, they have always been very steady. She outperformed herself and went to a key high school. Again, she outperformed and went to an outstanding college. I have never worried nor spend a single cent.
At the end of 2003, I was released from the detention center and immediately began studying the Fa. I soon contacted fellow practitioners and actively played my part, thus have a certain credibility among practitioners. Whenever there's a discussion, they are willing to let me talk. Because I was praised, I built myself up unconsciously. This was actually very dangerous, yet I did not realize it.
When there's an attachment, the old forces will exploit it. A gap developed between the coordinator and me. On the surface, he seemed to specifically pick on my problems, and whatever I said or did was wrong. Although I didn't appear to be dissatisfied, my opinions differed from his. I started looking outwards. The old forces started to widen this gap.
The practitioner's attitude towards me became even worse and it was difficult to cooperate. I did not look inwards. Because I knew that I should cultivate my speech, I didn't tell others about my dissatisfaction with him. However, I could not let go of it, and I always remembered the unfair way he treated me. I thought that I was not in the wrong, and the more I thought about it, the more my temper boiled.
When I didn't look inwards, the old forces showed me the practitioner's weaknesses and shortcomings. Other practitioners voiced their negative opinions of him, and this made it even harder for me to look inwards. “Look, others also have a bad opinion of him. This shows that he's wrong, not me.”
I began to realize the seriousness of the problem when my motorbike tires were punctured. I kept falling, or my legs would slip down when sending forth righteous thoughts. I finally got the hint. I must not make Master worry. At that time, Minghui Weekly published articles on old forces exploiting our gaps and persecuting practitioners. Material production sites were destroyed because there were gaps between practitioners.
I said to Master when sending forth righteous thoughts hourly, “For the sake of the Fa and our overall coordination, I'm able to endure all hardships and can tolerate anything. I must cooperate well with him.” I wept as I said this. Master saw my heart of being responsible to the Fa. I understood: “Don’t always think that everyone is happy with you and that the new and veteran practitioners cooperate quite well with you. This is actually not the case. It's because those practitioners respect that you are willing to cooperate with them. When you encounter someone who picks on your weakness and does not listen to you, you can't stand it. Isn't that pursuing fame? You only want to listen to whatever suits you.” When I realized this, my whole body relaxed. Master took away those bad substances.
A few days later, I saw that practitioner again, and he smiled at me as he walked over. He was especially cordial.
We stumble and fall and enlighten. When we encounter problems, if we look inwards, there will never be a test that cannot be overcome.
When I exposed my attachment of being attached to myself and my experience of cultivating at our group sharing, the practitioner I was at odds with was very moved and said, “I didn't know that I hurt your feelings.” I said, “It really isn't your fault. It's because I'm too attached to myself, thus the old forces wanted to cause mischief and separate us.”
He was very moved and his xinxing also improved. Since then, there have been no barriers between us and we cooperate well. This was a profound lesson. Now, whenever I have conflicts with other practitioners or I focus on other practitioners' shortcomings, I'm able to figure it out, because the problem lies with me.
Every practitioner who truly cultivates uses what they've learned among everyday people to validate the Fa and do what they are supposed to do. When I got out of the detention center at the end of 2003, I saw that practitioners were distributing truth-clarification materials that were sent from another village at our Fa study site. They asked me to be responsible for delivering the materials.
I had something to attend to and went a practitioner's house in the city. I saw that she had a small copier. The practitioner said that it was very easy to use. I asked her to help me buy one because the ten of us at our Fa study site could use it. This would also reduce the burden on the practitioner at the material site. After I brought it home, I went to the practitioner at the material site to learn how to use it. She also had a small copier. She said that every week they printed 100 copies of the weekly materials. I was ashamed and said, “I really didn't know that this small copier took care of such a large area. From now on, I will do half of the printing.” I worked that whole night after returning home.
Later, practitioners asked me to learn how to operate a computer, too. I had only seen desktop computers and large printers before and didn't want to do it, because I was afraid that it would be hard to hide them from my family members. After a few days passed, I had a chance to go to a practitioner's house a few miles away.
This is the first time I'd ever seen a notebook computer and a small printer. The practitioner was sitting on the bed, working on materials. I immediately said, “Help me to buy one.” The practitioner said, “Take this one. It has been prepared for you.” It was only at that moment that I enlightened that Master had arranged everything. Master knew about my worries, so He let me see it with my own eyes. Hence, I stayed at the material site for three days and nights to learn how to print, surf the Internet, download, type, and edit.
At that time, I only knew how to use our home phone to get onto the Internet, but there were security risks. However, I had no choice. After downloading the materials, I put them on a disk and gave it to practitioners who used a computer to print. I also had to to print a few copies for those practitioners who used copiers to photocopy.
Other than downloading truth-clarification materials, I also downloaded and saved many different truth-clarification data pages. One practitioner said that her brother who lived far away was arrested, taken the local police station, and imprisoned in the detention center. I wrote down the information and detailed address. Overnight I compiled three different truth-clarification letters directed at those who participated in persecuting her brother and added pictures. I sent the letters to the village committee, police station, and detention center.
A few days later, the practitioner's brother was released and even called me, saying that their local area received the truth-clarification letter from far away and this shocked them greatly. I enlightened that this was Master encouraging me to have more confidence. I started downloading Minghui's daily articles and read the news of practitioners being arrested and persecuted.
In only a short time, I was able to edit the letter and mail it to those people who participated in the persecution. If there's a residential address of the practitioner being persecuted, I also send a letter to the family to encourage them. The truth-clarification letters covered many provinces, autonomous regions, and municipalities all over the country.
There's a labor camp a dozen miles away from us, and the persecution there is very serious. Many of the camp officials live in our counties. Deeply aware of our great responsibility and after discussing it, we gathered the persecutors' information and compiled different truth-clarification letters to be mailed to their wives, daughters, relatives, colleagues, the unit they are in, and the officers themselves. We even mailed such letters to the local government and police station, and this greatly reduced their arrogance. Some were transferred out, and some told us that they are innocent.
One officers in our local police station was very bad. After he arrested a practitioner, he tried to extort money from him. When that failed, he had him detained in the detention center.
We cooperated and made banners overnight and pasted them all over the utility poles in several villages. We even pasted them near all the county and township police stations, the officer's hometown village, and also his new home in the small district. As a result, he was transferred out immediately. After this, no one from that police station persecuted practitioners.
We later realized that we should let the local residents know who these people were. Not only those practitioners who were persecuted severely have to expose the evil, all practitioners that have suffered persecution – such as being pressured to write a guarantee statement not to practice or held in detention on one of the sensitive dates or forced to hand over a meditation cushion- all these are forms of persecution.
Those who have a lot to write, should write more, and those who have less to write, can write less. Everyone must write their experiences, and those who don't know how to write should find someone to help them. After discussing, practitioners understood that when we all write our experiences, we are upgrading, the evil in other dimensions is disintegrating, and the environment will change.
Six months ago, the price for phone cards increased. Different kinds of cards are available and the price varies. The right card can save at least double or several times the money. Nothing is coincidental. Hence, I decided to buy the card myself.
I didn't know where to buy the card, but someone told me which bus line I should take. It was easy to do. After a few times, I saw that, compared to others, I bought the cheaper card, thus my mentality of showing off and zealotry surfaced. As a result, a series of things happened, such as the configuration of the cell phone and battery doesn't match, I topped up the phone card, but it did not go through. This requires all the cards to be returned. Because the cards had already been given out, practitioners had to ride their bikes and collect the cards back from practitioners' houses in all the villages during the winter, and I had to take them back to the city to be returned. Was such a big trouble a coincidence?
When I looked at myself, I saw how far I was from the pure and divine heart that I originally had. Because items in the wholesale market are cheap, I started taking clothes and socks to practitioners. Later, the attachments surfaced and I would take clothes in large bags. When practitioners thanked me, I would be flattered and show off that I was capable. When I realized this, everything went smoothly again.
When I realized my mentality of showing off, I paid attention to it, but my attachment to self-interest was exposed. Other practitioners quickly took the cards I purchased, so I had to buy more. Sometimes, this happened repeatedly. My travel expenses were a few dozen yuan. When my heart is moved, I can't become tranquil when meditating. I started to wake up and question myself: “Practitioners are sacrificing tens of thousands of yuan and those who are poor sacrifice hundreds. Yet, you are moved after incurring some travel expenses. What virtue do you have?” When I thought of this, my heart calmed down immediately and I even had a sacred feeling.
Not only must a coordinator be able to take hardships and sacrifice, one should have great tolerance. I understood the Fa principle, but when I encountered a situation that tested it, I did not have compassionate tolerance. I behaved well on the surface, but I couldn't let go of it in my heart. Wasn't I deceiving myself?
When a practitioner made some rude remarks about me, I calmly thought that this was a good thing. Although, it was a good thing, the attachment I hadn't yet eliminated allowed me to see the practitioner's shortcoming.
When I really looked within, I found that the fundamental problem was that I couldn't let go of myself. I cultivated and cultivated, but after a period of time, conflicts kept surfacing and they were even more intense than before.
During our sharing, something a practitioner said helped me. The gist was, “While validating the Fa, if we can really harmonize Master's requirements, we'll upgrade fast and it will be easy to cultivate.”
Once, while sharing experiences with coordinators from other places, one coordinator was critical, made accusations, and even humiliated us. I sent out a strong righteous thought, “I must harmonize Master's requirement. We and practitioners from other places are one body. The old forces cannot persecute practitioners. This practitioner has a very remarkable side. He has attachments that he hasn't yet eliminated, but you [old forces] should not reinforce it. I have attachments that I haven't eliminated, but they are none of your business. We are one body and we have Master to look after us.”
Because this thought was completely on the Fa and unselfish, I could feel myself dissolving into the compassionate energy field and I felt very comfortable. There was none of the heart-wrenching and agonizing that I experienced when cultivating myself. Instead, I felt sorry for him and was afraid that he would say the wrong thing and produce karma, thus keeping himself from improving.
In short, it was for the sake of others. From the time I began cultivating, I had never experienced this mentality before. It felt like I had just found the door to cultivation. Hence, I enlightened that harmonizing Master's requirement is the best thought and it also negates the old forces.
There are many more things I want to say, but I'll stop here. If there is anything that is not in accordance with the Fa, please kindly point it out.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!