(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1994. During these 20 years of cultivation, and especially over the past 14 years, I have experienced many ups and downs, much like other Dafa practitioners.
I'm mostly involved with local coordination work. I have grown from being a reluctant participant to become a conscientious trouper, gradually emerging from the state of an ordinary person.
Nothing Comes Easy
My life has undergone changes during the past 24 months. My almost 90-year-old parents have been living with me for a number of years, so my family burden has been quite heavy. This became more so after my father passed away, as my mother doesn't want to be left alone. On top of that, the new house we moved in to is in a small, isolated district. We have to use a card to enter or leave and there are surveillance cameras everywhere.
The number of visiting practitioners has significantly dropped, as there was an overall feeling of restriction and inconvenience. I therefore maintained only one thought, which was to leave everything to Master. My siblings voluntarily arranged for around-the-clock care for our mother. My younger sister offered me a battery-operated car, and my elder brother offered me a motorcycle. This allowed me to be in contact with fellow practitioners, but to also fully utilize my new house for Fa study and experience sharing.
Despite my responsibilities I take advantage of every opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and demonstrate the demeanor befitting a Dafa disciple.
Everything Can be Used To Talk About Falun Dafa
When my younger brother came to my house, I asked if he was afraid, because all of my cash bills had Falun Dafa truth clarification messages written on them. He replied, “No, I’m not afraid. The money with messages is also money.” My younger sister went to the store and paid 100 yuan in bills. When the cashier scrutinized the bills, my younger sister said, “Put your heart at ease. We practice Falun Dafa and will not cheat you.”
If we take a taxi, I clarify the truth to the driver. Sometimes my siblings remarked, “That person is so lucky.”
A fellow practitioner came to discuss a number of truth clarification activities, including collecting petition signatures. I talked to my family and relatives about the persecution of Falun Gong, and I made it clear that signing the petition was a personal choice and also a good opportunity to position themselves. All six people, including my mother and two young grandchildren, put their fingerprints on the petition. Even the younger siblings who wouldn’t listen before or do the “three withdrawals” (withdrawing from the CCP, and the associated Young Pioneers and Youth League), and put their fingerprints on the petition.
Staying in China Is My Responsibility
My daughter is very considerate. My son-in-law works outside of China. They own residences in and outside of China. They do not practice Dafa, and they have asked me many times to leave China so I would not be persecuted again, but I have always turned them down.
During this past New Year holiday, my son-in-law had two conversations with me, asking me to leave China. He said, “You will advance more quickly with Master close by. There are a lot of overseas Chinese people who are pro-communist, do not understand the truth, and need salvation. If you went abroad you would have plenty to do.”
I have never thought of moving abroad, even during the time when I was most severely persecuted. I know, from the depth of my heart, this place is the base camp from where I will spread the Fa. I must hold firm to fulfill my prehistoric vow.
I clarified the truth to my children, explaining that the attitude of practitioners towards life is different from that of ordinary people, thus eliminating their misunderstanding about Dafa practitioners. I said, “Dafa practitioners do not worry about gain or loss. Instead, we try to live according to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
Morality today has declined, social values are non-existent, and it will definitely be as Master said, “If humankind does not do something about it, heaven will.” (Zhuan Falun)
One can see now there are many natural and man-made disasters, enough to prove that heaven is warning people. But heaven will only destroy bad people and not good people. Practitioners clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to people worldwide, so good people will be saved when disaster strikes. My responsibility is here. Master looks after us, and if I walk a righteous path, evil cannot touch or harm me.
Calling on Master in Times of Need
Most of the coordinators in our area were elderly female practitioners. We have all been fearless in overcoming hardships. But some tasks do need male practitioners. For example, the installation of the satellite dish project for viewing New Tang Dynasty Television programs in our local district was done by a male practitioner and supported by several local female practitioners.
Whenever I felt that there were too many things to attend to, or when there was too much pressure, my mind was uneasy and I wanted to take a rest. I was very cognizant that this was interference from my attachment to complacency, so I made great efforts to reject it. However, after so many years, I have not completely eliminated this attachment.
For example, I once received short notice requesting that I go out of town for Dafa activities. That coincided with a farewell function for my daughter and husband that had been arranged quite some time prior. What to do? My thought was, “I have to put Dafa as first priority, so I will leave town.” This resulted in a friction between me and my daughter. Everyone asked me to reconsider. I also thought that this would be a good opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to some family members.
I had quite a dilemma. One practitioner told me after I complained that the coordinator was being inconsiderate, that practitioners leaned on me too much and, “Perhaps this was an opportunity for you to improve. It all depends on how you position yourself.” Those few words calmed me down quite a bit. After I returned home, I carefully examined my behavior and realized that the evil has exploited my gaps. Why was I so foolish? Why have I not called on Master?
Everything turned out alright. I attended the family banquet, and everyone was very happy. After I finished my out-of-town assignment, I took a taxi home so as to save time.
I looked inward and wondered why I was unable to safeguard my xinxing and rid myself of all attachments. If I can always and consistently apply a practitioner's strict standard to achieve one hundred percent trust in Master and Dafa to handle all situations, the outcome will be all good.
Expression in My Eyes
I remember a few years ago, when a practitioner and I clarified the truth in public and passed by a practitioner’s store. We stopped for a chat and the practitioner remarked that I had become friendlier. The practitioner said, “Before, your eyes were filled with murderous rage.” Her words reminded me of when I was being persecuted in a forced labor camp, and how I felt hatred and had contempt towards the people who had been transformed. When the guards were trying to "transform" me, I was confident that these guards were no match for me. However, the five just took care of my everyday needs. On the third day, I started to transform them. They were very cooperative. After two days some asked me for Master’s writings, but I still despised them in my heart.
It was only after Master’s scripture “Proposal” was published that I knew how to treat these people, and it was important to save those who had been led astray. I later continued to study Master’s lectures, and gained a deeper understanding of the Fa, and improved my xinxing. Therefore, my attitude towards those who were transformed gradually changed. It was then that others could see that I had changed. This proves, “...matter and mind are one thing.” (Zhuan Falun)
During a meeting, a practitioner said that my eyes still indicated that I was retaining things from the Communist Party culture, and that my attitude towards her was rigid. It was true. I was never interested in listening to her. On the surface, it was because she could not express herself well, yet always wanted to show off how much she knew.
My contempt for her was strong and I did not want to be around her, even though she always tried to be around me. I knew this kind of looking down on another person comes from a jealous heart. I tried hard to control my emotions and thought I should treasure my predestined relationship with this practitioner. But as soon as I heard her talk, I became upset. I wanted to change, but for a long time I had a very hard time. I am grateful to that fellow practitioner from the bottom of my heart because she was instrumental in my letting go of sentimentality.
A practitioner once came to my house wanting to talk over something. At the time, I was studying the Fa with several practitioners. As soon as that practitioner settled down, she scolded me regarding the task of rescuing fellow practitioners. After she had gone on for a while, I understood. She was worried we would make irrevocable mistakes if we did not handle things well. I listened calmly and did not get the least bit upset by her agitated mood. That night, I looked within and felt that my stubborn deep-seated problem of looking down on others was slowly disintegrating. My heart became much more open and light. The next day when I saw the practitioner, I publicly apologized.
We Never Gave Up
In coordination work, oftentimes when handling something, some would say this and some would say that, do it this way or do it that way, and at times it would be very hard to make a decision. It took several years, but I gradually understood more explicitly what I should do, and when it was the right thing.
For example, helping fellow practitioners overcome sickness tribulations requires coordination, as does helping those who isolate themselves after being persecuted, and rescuing practitioners who were taken away by the police. When facing difficulties during coordination, I shared ideas, and together we arrived at a consensus. I gradually improved and was able to work out coordination problems.
Two years ago, we helped a practitioner who was reluctant to participate in any Dafa work. She had been illegally detained in 2000. After she was released from detention, rumor had it that she behaved as if she was in a vegetative state. For ten years, she did not contact anyone, and did not step outside of her house.
Some practitioners reported seeing her in 2011, and said that she appeared to be physically and mentally healthy. Because she refused to listen to practitioners and did not want to associate, some practitioners had lost confidence in her.
I decided to help her. I had several discussions with practitioners from the original Fa study group. I firmed up my belief that I would help her come out and return to the Fa. To clear away all obstacles, I first approached her younger sister who was also a practitioner. We also found practitioners with like experiences to talk about personal episodes. I then found an old classmate of hers from her hometown and invited the classmate to join me in visiting her. When we made contact with her, it appeared that she was completely under the control of the evil forces, as she did not dare to speak with us. Even though we were in someone else’s house, she would only whisper. We tried everything in our power to help her return to Dafa, but she refused to see us again. Slowly she began to break through her self-imposed shell. We arranged to have her live with an elderly practitioner so she could participate in group Fa study. After a week, she dared to come out at night and later in the daytime to make visits, clarify the truth about Falun Dafa, and talk to people about the three withdrawals. It took four to five months. We succeeded because we never gave up.
Rescuing Detained Practitioners
I have helped coordinate the rescue of arrested practitioners in recent years. I went from not knowing to knowing what to do, from viewing myself as an outsider to getting personally involved, from looking outward to searching inward, and from feeling hatred to saving with compassion.
In the beginning, I understood Master’s words, “The next person's things are your things, and your things are his things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Washington D.C. Fa Conference”) and the Fa principal of “looking inward.” However I was always complaining about this and that. It was never really about denying the old forces’ arrangements from deep in my heart, but merely for the sake of coping so there was no omission.
Righteous defense lawyers were later being hired, and online sharing articles spoke of the effort. I learned from successes experienced by other districts. Last year, our district also began to hire defense attorneys. We cultivated ourselves first to ensure being within the Fa, and put weight on the process rather than the results.
I gained a new and higher understanding of Master’s Fa-rectification cultivation practice. I felt I was no longer superficially participating, but now fully engaged. I felt I was working not only for myself but also for saving more people. This year, because of xinxing improvement, I was able to maintain a pure state of mind when doing rescue work, without the past tendency to blow up. I can now look inward and not be overly concerned about the shortcomings of others. I can put myself in other people’s shoes and patiently help fellow practitioners to see things from the Fa’s point of view.
As rescuing fellow practitioner takes a long time, some practitioners have left the rescue team. I felt I should not be attached to time but could use the time to save more people and coordinate more projects. There were many activities, such as making phone calls, writing letters and articles to expose the evil, and setting up an all-day sending forth righteous thoughts team. I said, “Everything we are doing is a huge battle between good and evil in other dimensions. We cannot get cold feet and retreat. We must work until we have thoroughly eliminated the evil forces, and be successful in saving more sentient beings.”
For almost two years, even though I did a few things I should do, I felt regret that I did not do well with clarifying the truth about Falun Dafa. Despite the fact I have insisted on using two cell phones to clarify the truth, I have done little face-to-face truth clarification or flyer distribution. I realize it was not that I did not have enough time or opportunity, but because I have not firmly grasped the Fa principles.
I understand now that I was hampered because of my attachment to seeking comfort and my sense of being satisfied. The feeling I have not done well is also the reason why I kept hesitating to write an experience sharing article. However, this is a rare opportunity. Master is looking over us and I cannot disappoint Master. I therefore wrote this experience sharing article.
(10th China Fahui on Minghui.org)
