(Minghui.org)
Greetings to Revered Master and fellow practitioners.
I know that I am not a good practitioner, but I believe that as long as I always keep the Fa in mind and do what the Fa requires, I will improve.
I missed ten years of precious time to practice Falun Dafa.
An uncle I knew had practiced qigong for many years. In July 1996, I decided I wanted to be healthy, so I told him that I wanted to learn qigong. He told me he had bought a few qigong books for someone who had not picked them up yet. He said I could read them first.
I took home four books-- Falun Gong , Zhuan Falun, Zhuan Falun (Volume II) , and Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa . I finished Falun Gong at once. I thought Master knew everything, even what was in my mind. That was how I obtained the Fa. Master had prepared those books for me. I was so lucky!
When I went back to the university, I spent all my time after school doing the exercises and reading the books. I was so familiar with the content of the books that I had almost memorized them. The Fa came to my mind when I was walking or in the car. Later I copied the books twice. During this time, I was truly part of the Fa.
However, all sorts of human notions emerged in 1997. I thought I was young and needed to enjoy my life before I cultivated. Also, I met a girl and couldn't balance the relation between being in love and being a cultivator. Having almost memorized the Fa didn't prevent me from giving up the practice. I didn't realize that it was thought karma interfering and didn't attempt to exclude such thoughts. After a month of struggling, I gave up the practice for ten years!
After I graduated, I went home. I didn't have a job there, but I yearned to return to the Fa, and only by going home would I have such an opportunity. During the previous ten years, I had observed very little of the persecution. Even if I heard about it on occasion, I felt very little emotion, like I was isolated from that world. I think it was Master who protected me because he wanted me to return to Falun Dafa.
On September 23, 2007, I visited my uncle, who had just been released from being illegally imprisoned for practicing Falun Dafa. I cried the minute I saw him, regretting that I had lost ten years. He told me that I should use the time remaining to progress even more diligently. That night I took out Zhuan Falun for the first time in ten years and did the five exercises. I was determined and promised to Master that I would never change my mind again.
That same night, my wife was upset for no reason. I knew it was a test. The next day, she complained that she couldn't sleep because I was doing the exercises and said I should get her permission before I did them. A few days later she started to ask me to give up the practice. She said that she wouldn't know what to do if I got arrested. I kept my righteous thoughts: “I have Master and the Fa and there is nothing that can stop me from practicing.” My wife then began to stay up all night. She told me that she couldn't go on like that and that she wanted a divorce.
I knew it wasn't her but a demon behind her saying these irrational things. The evil wanted to drag me down again. I told my wife each time she protested, “I most definitely will continue to practice.” I also told the demon behind her to die and to stop manipulating my wife to interfere with me. Every night my wife was irrational and her head hurt like crazy. She would hit her head against the wall and bite me on my shoulders. I told my wife that it wasn't she who was talking.
At one moment, I told myself that if she ever asked me again, I would stop practicing, but I would make her suffer for it, too. The minute I thought that, I knew it was my thought karma again and that I must negate it. I told myself to hang on and never give up. Two months passed, and my wife stopped asking. She was able to sleep at night. With Master's help, I passed the test.
In 2008 I bought a printer to make truth clarifying materials about Dafa. My wife saw it and began to argue with me. She picked up the printer, smashed it on the floor, and stomped on it. Then she sat on the bed like a deflated balloon and wouldn't speak to me for days, acting incoherently.
I told her the facts about Dafa. I told her why the CCP persecuted it and how practitioners had suffered since 1999. I explained to her why I needed to do the three things and be a good practitioner during Fa rectification. I let her know that we lived a good life because Master helped me. Gradually she allowed me to make the materials, but she wouldn't let me keep them at home.
One time my wife found out that I had spent more than 5000 yuan to make materials. She got so mad that she asked for a divorce over and over again. She gave me a deadline to quit the practice. I didn't know what to do and talked to my uncle. He said that I had clarified the truth to her and, if she really wanted a divorce, that would be her choice. He told me that I couldn't give up the practice because I didn't want a divorce. I was determined to be a steadfast practitioner.
One day my father- and sister-in-law came to try to persuade me to give up the practice. My parents agreed with them. After I refused, they tried to take my computer and printer away. I wouldn't let them. My father got upset, saying that my uncle had put me up to this and that he would call the police to arrest us if we talked again. I told them the police had no business in the matter.
They decided to go to my uncle's place to give him a hard time. After they left, I decided to leave home. I packed Master's photo and a copy of Zhuan Falun . My mother was holding my child and they both cried. I went to my uncle's, but he did not arrive home until late at night. My father- and sister-in-law went home. I stayed with my uncle. Later my wife came and asked me to come home.
With Master's help, I passed the test again. However, I didn't do well. I didn't have enough compassion to change my family's attitude toward Dafa. I stumbled through the test.
From that day on, I no longer kept materials about Falun Dafa out of sight at home. After a while, my family stopped complaining. When there was an opportunity, I let my parents read the pamphlets and watch the DVDs. Every year my parents would be excited when I gave them the latest Shen Yun DVD.
One night my parents watched the Nine Commentaries on Communist Party DVD. My father said, “That's exactly what happened during the land reform and cultural revolution. This DVD is right.” My father's change in attitude came from other practitioners persistently clarifying the truth to him over the past few years. He knew that Falun Dafa was good, he just couldn't accept that his son was making materials for Falun Dafa.
I gave my parents videos of Master's lectures and an exercise demonstration. They did the exercises. My mother stayed up to listen to the lectures on an MP3 player until midnight every night.
Last year a relative came to our city hospital to have heart surgery. His sister, who came to care for him, stayed with us for the night. I clarified the facts to her and told her that things would be all right if she recited “Falun Dafa is good.” Suddenly my father took a Falun Dafa amulet out of his front pocket and told her, “See, this is my lucky charm. Remember that Falun Dafa is good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good and the surgery will be successful.” My father gave the amulet to her. Later my mother told me that my father often told others that Falun Dafa was good.
Since the fight about the printer, I didn't know how to face my in-laws. They were still nice to me. I found chances to clarify the truth to them bit by bit. I let them read and watch pamphlets and DVDs about Falun Dafa and the persecution. Their attitudes changed day by day.
In 2010, my father-in-law had two stents put in an artery and he was feeling sick when he returned home. I gave him Master's lecture tapes and taught him the exercises. Later he often told me that he couldn't fall asleep at night because of his heart, but he felt much better after he did the exercises. He then said, “This is a good practice. Cherish it!” I was so touched. I knew Master was encouraging me through his words. My mother-in-law often told her sisters how great Falun Dafa was.
My wife stopped mentioning divorce. When she was in a good mood, I told her how Falun Dafa was practiced worldwide, how the CCP persecuted Falun Gong, and how practitioners had been painstakingly clarifying the truth to changes things for the better. I told her I had to help, too. After a while, sometimes she would tell me that I didn't have to do housework and could use the time to let people know the facts. I did what I was supposed to do as a practitioner, and Master gave me a wonderful environment to practice.
So far, my wife and my child have read Zhuan Falun with me three times. Today, my wife helped me to make educational materials about Falun Dafa. When I have trouble doing Dafa work, she will comfort and encourage me, saying that I should have faith. She is a very different person now.
My wife's job is very demanding. She is always exhausted when she gets home. However, on her days off, she does not rest. Instead, she delivers truth clarifying materials with me and helps me do a lot of work. She says that I need more help. She has never complained again about my spending money on making materials. In March this year, I did some extra work and made 10,000 yuan in just a few days. When I gave her the money, she said I should use half of it to make more materials. My wife has also helped me guide her sister and brother-in-law to quit the CCP.
The dramatic change in the attitudes of my family and my environment couldn't have happened without Master's help. Without Master, I would still be an ordinary person and wouldn’t have the honor and glory of walking on the divine path. Master said,
“It’s hard to save a person, it’s hard to change your thinking, and it’s hard to adjust your body." (Zhuan Falun)
Master has helped my family tremendously. Everyone in my family now respects and is grateful to Master.
All Master wants is for us to cultivate. He saw that I still had the heart to cultivate years ago and that was why he quietly protected me. Now matter what I did wrong, he didn't care, he wanted me to be successful in my practice and wanted us to have the highest honor and the best of everything in the universe. There is no reason to not have faith.
I still have many attachments that I haven't relinquished.
“After falling into a world that is, by comparison, most filthy, instead of cultivating yourself to go back in a hurry, you don’t let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses." ("True Cultivation" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
No matter how hard it is to let go, I will let go of them eventually because I believe in Master and the Fa. I want to be a Falun Dafa practitioner during Fa rectification and a selfless, altruistic, and righteous Dafa practitioner.
Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners.