(Minghui.org) I am a new Falun Gong practitioner who started practicing in October 2011. It makes me happy when I recall how I started practicing, because Falun Gong has truly transformed my life.
I am 37 years old. In the first half of my life, I got pregnant out of wedlock several times and terminated the pregnancy each time, had gotten married, had an extramarital affair, got a divorce and remarried, had gotten sick, and have been on the brink of another divorce. I became increasingly disappointed in life and I often felt that my life was meaningless. It was at this time that I started thinking about pursuing cultivation practice.
In 2007, I brought home a statue of Guanyin, also known as Bodhisattva. A so-called "holy woman" performed the consecration ceremony on the statue. She promised me that she had connected Guanyin's energy field with the statue, but in actual fact she was possessed by an animal spirit which also possessed the statue. I didn't know about it at first. After I brought the statue home, I offered incense every day to pay respect to Guanyin. When I eventually realized what was really going on, I wasn't thinking clearly. I thought, "It is destiny that I have brought this animal spirit home. Since I do not wish for anything, it shouldn't harm me to keep the statue at home."
It was not until the new year of 2010 that I started to feel that something was wrong. After having spent many years with the statue possessed by an animal spirit, I carried a lot of dark energy in my body. I often saw low-level and evil spirits, and I could even feel things possessing me. I had to pay the holy woman, who asked the animal spirit to go away by burning paper money as offerings, but the problems continued. I must have paid the holy woman around 3,000 yuan. I knew it was not the solution but I didn't know what else to do, and I was very worried. I wished I could find someone who could help me. I begged Buddha and Bodhisattva to lead me towards a teacher who could guide me in my cultivation practice.
My husband was arrested and sent to a detention center in the spring of 2011 for something related to his business. I was devastated. In addition to my own job, I had to take over his business as well. He had loaned out more than 800,000 yuan, but I was unable to collect any of the loans. Our child was only three at the time and in need of my care. I also had to offer my parents-in-law solace. I feared for my husband's future every day. I was afraid that he might be convicted of a felony charge. Each day felt like an eternity during that time.
I did a lot of things during that period of time in an attempt to help my husband. I chanted Buddhist scriptures every day. I went on a vegetarian diet so that there would be less killing on my account. I bought caged wild animals and released them to accumulate virtue. I begged Buddha and Bodhisattva to watch over my husband. I asked for divination of my husband's fortune. I paid the holy woman to draw amulets and perform ceremonies to bring my husband good fortune. I also sought connections to have my husband released. In short, I did everything I could think of, but nothing helped. It was a simple case. He should have heard from the court within three months, but nothing was decided after seven months. I was truly at my wits' end.
It was seemingly fortuitous that a friend sent me to an acupuncturist and chiropractor. I had been feeling unwell for a long time, but neither Western medicine or Chinese medicine were able to identify the root cause. I knew it was caused by my karma. I had given up hope, but my friend was very insistent. It turned out that the doctor was a Falun Gong practitioner. In hindsight, it was by no means a coincidence. I did not believe in chiropractics and acupuncture. Besides, his rate was not low, yet somehow I agreed to the treatment.
I remember very well about my first treatment. He identified the root cause of my illness. He also told me that keeping the Guanyin statue at home was bad for me and that I ought to get rid of it. I was astonished that he knew many things about me before I told him. He told me that he believes in the Buddha school and that he was engaged in a cultivation practice. I realized that he must have what is described in Buddhist scriptures as supernormal capabilities. There was a very comfortable energy field that emitted compassion in his clinic. I longed for the one-hour treatment every day. I would arrive at his clinic early to wait for his treatment. He introduced Falun Gong to me during my second visit. He did not disclose that he was a practitioner. He told me that Falun Gong is a Buddha school cultivation practice and he believed it is a wonderful practice. He encouraged me to learn more about it.
I immediately began to search on-line for information about Falun Gong. I didn't know that its main study text was Zhuan Falun at the time. I was just hoping to find some introduction to Falun Gong, but everything I read about it was negative because I live in China. Yet I managed to find among those negative websites that Minghui.org is Falun Gong's website. But how do I get to Minghui.org within China's censored Internet? I suddenly remembered seeing that someone had posted software that enabled one to break through the CCP [Chinese Communist Party] regime's firewall. I found the software in less than an hour and accessed Minghui.org successfully. It was a miracle, and I knew that it was Teacher who led me to him all along.
I spent that entire afternoon reading Falun Gong books on my computer. Eventually I bought a copy of Zhuan Falun with the help of the fellow practitioner who was the acupuncturist. I got rid of all the statues in my home and started practicing Falun Gong. The kind, compassionate practitioner slowly persuaded me to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its two student leagues of which I was once a member. I got rid of all books that would interfere with my cultivation practice in Falun Gong. I began to study Falun Gong books, practice the exercises and send forth righteous thoughts. My husband's case finally made progress. He was released after eight months of detention.
Looking back on everything that has happened, I know that nothing happens coincidentally. Teacher has been watching over me once I became determined to cultivate. If my husband had been at home, he would never had agreed to get rid of those statues. I made up my mind to let go of the past and start anew with my cultivation practice with Falun Gong, and I am determined to cultivate well.
Falun Gong has transformed my morality. I started to understand that I should rectify my thoughts and notions. When a thought occurs, I first determine whether it conforms to Falun Gong's teachings. If it is not righteous, then I eliminate the thought from my mind. Teacher has taught us the wonderful approach of searching within. Each time my husband unreasonably throws a fit, I search inward only to find that I, too, have the same problem that my husband has just manifested. Once I have identified these problems in myself, my husband will suddenly stop his temper tantrum and be nice to me again. This would never have happened before I started practicing Falun Gong.
My husband and I were once on the brink of divorce, but we are now getting along very well. He has started to care about and be thoughtful of me. In the past he "wore the pants" at home. My role was to do the housework and look after him and our child, and I had no say at home. He also was the one who managed our bank accounts. Nowadays he listens to my opinions on some matters. He also trusts me to manage our money. This again would never have happened before I started practicing Falun Gong.
Each time I paid off my karma in the form of sickness, Teacher would arrange it to happen during weekends or holidays so that it would not affect my job. When I became complacent and slacked off in studying the Fa or practicing the exercises, Teacher would give me hints in my dreams. I have very little alone time at home because my child is still young. Sometimes I wondered if I could have a small room to myself at work so that I could practice the Falun Gong exercises during lunchtime. I was surprised that my wish very soon came true. I have a lot of free time at work. I can now send forth righteous thoughts and practice the exercises behind a closed door. I can also use the computer and printer at work to print materials containing important facts about Falun Gong. Teacher is ever so compassionate to make my wish come true. I know that Teacher expects me to utilize my time and cultivate myself diligently so that I will not fall behind.
I truly feel that I am incredibly lucky to be able to practice Falun Gong as the Fa-rectification is coming to an end. I must utilize my time and meet Teacher's expectations to do the three things well. However, I am not very happy with my present cultivation state. I would like to share with new practitioners, and hope that I might be of help.
My knowing side knows that this is an incredible opportunity and that I must be diligent in my cultivation so that I don't waste this opportunity. Even though I was really determined, I often slacked off because there is no open cultivation environment available to Falun Gong in China. Living amongst non-practitioners, I am often overcome with desires to have fun and to be lazy. I often fall asleep when I study Falun Gong books. I often doze off while sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight, and needless to say, the effect is not good. I sometimes don't even do it at midnight. Even now I battle with sleep when I send forth righteous thoughts. When I first started, I could meditate in the full lotus position for 30 minutes, but I have not been able to last any longer. I should study Falun Gong books when I have free time, but I often spend my free time on-line keeping myself current or doing Internet shopping. I have wasted a lot of time that should have been spent on studying Falun Gong books. I always end up with regret and fearing that Teacher will no longer see me as his disciple. I often ask Teacher for his help, but I have difficulty prevailing over these obstacles.
I know only one practitioner in my area, but he is busy at work and I am reluctant to take up any of his time. When I encounter problems with my cultivation, I'd rather go to Minghui.org and search for practitioners' articles for inspiration.
I have come to an understanding that one must equally balance studying the Fa, practicing the exercises and clarifying the truth about Falun Gong, otherwise one will not cultivate well. When I fail to study the Fa well, it affects my cultivation state and I am then likely to act like a non-practitioner. I will slack off on the three things and become terribly sleepy. When I can keep up my Fa study, my state of cultivation improves.
I also find it very helpful to read practitioners' cultivation insights on Minghui.org. When I stumble over obstacles, I will search by keywords for articles on Minghui.org to find how practitioners managed to overcome the same or similar obstacles. I find these articles to be very inspirational. Tears often well up in my eyes when I read practitioners' cultivation insights. I feel embarrassed in comparison with these practitioners, and feel that I am really falling behind.
It has been ten months since I started practicing Falun Gong. My health has improved, but some of my illnesses remain. I used to believe it was because of my attachment to getting rid of illness. However, when I searched inward, I was certain that cultivation was my first priority and that I wasn't paying attention to my sickness. Why do I still have some illnesses? I recently read a practitioner's article where she shared that her skin stopped itching when she identified and eliminated her attachment to jealousy. I finally understood what Teacher has said in Zhuan Falun. Teacher said,
"[...] matter and mind are one thing." "Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform."
I realized that I am not completely well because I have not upgraded my xinxing.
The path of cultivation includes trials and tribulations. It takes a steadfast faith and constant work. When I fail to be diligent in my cultivation practice, I feel unhappy and agitated. I long for a fellow practitioner to help me out. Yet I know that cultivation depends on no one but oneself. It will not do if I always want to seek outside help. I also know that I can only repay Teacher by cultivating myself diligently.
This concludes my cultivation insights over the past ten months. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate in my understanding.
