(Minghui.org) I'm 61 years old this year and have been cultivating for nearly seven years. Time and again, I pushed away precious opportunities to begin practicing Falun Dafa. Finally, when I was beyond the edge of despair, help came. Here is my story.
1. I finally realized I had a predestined relationship to obtain the Fa
I once was a leader in the financial system. However, years of pain and suffering from uterine cancer, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, gastritis, and cervical spine bone hyperplasia wore me down and I was waiting to die. All the Chinese and Western medicines I took were ineffective. I finally quit my job to focus on regaining my health.
One morning in April 2005, a relative came to visit me. After observing how much pain I was in, he showed me an exercise. He didn't explain what it was, but said his uncle and aunt had practiced this for more than ten years and they were completely healthy. That afternoon, his aunt and uncle took a cab from more than 30 miles away to my home. They gave me a copy of the main book of Falun Dafa, Zhuan Falun, and some of Master Li Hongzhi's Fa teachings at conferences. They told me how they had benefited both physically and mentally after practicing the exercises. They also demonstrated the five exercises and wrote down the formulas for sending forth righteous thoughts before they left.
Years before in 1998, when I was already experiencing health issues, a colleague in my company gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun. I read:
“Due to karma resulting from past wrongdoing, one has illnesses or tribulations; suffering is repaying a karmic debt, and thus nobody can casually change this.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun)
Unfortunately, I was held back by my atheism. Because the regime punishes us for following our ancient culture and beliefs, I did not believe in reincarnation. In 1999 the Party began persecuting Dafa, and whenever Falun Dafa was mentioned, everybody became fearful and silent. As I was a leader in our company, I was pressured to return the book.
In 2002, I went to Hong Kong on vacation. There were truth-clarification materials at many tourist sites, but since my mind was poisoned by the CCP, I didn't dare to take any or even look at them. Now, the uncle and aunt gave me Zhuan Falun again and taught me the exercises and I did not stop them. It must have been compassionate Master's arrangement--it was time for me to obtain the Fa and cultivate. Master is really looking after every disciple!
When I finally read Zhuan Falun, the more I read, the more it appealed to me. Amazingly, even before I finished reading the book I suddenly felt full of energy. Due to my illnesses I was always exhausted and I hadn't cleaned my home for many years. After I began reading Zhuan Falun it took me only three days to clean the entire house and I did not feel tired! I knew Master had already started to look after me!
I practiced the exercises every afternoon and then I experienced two more body cleansings. After three months, all the illnesses I had suffered from for years were gone and my face glowed with health.
2. I stopped being a corrupt official
When I embarked on the path of returning to my true self, I felt ashamed when I thought of how I'd always conducted myself. When I understood that Master is bearing and reducing the karma caused by practitioners' past wrongdoings, I warned myself, “Since I have entered into Dafa cultivation, I must listen to Master.” Master said, “He used to take home pieces of towels from the textile factory, and so did the rest of the employees.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I returned the heater and other items that were given me by the company and tore up the over-3,000-yuan receipts that were used for meals and could be reimbursed. I returned nearly 10,000 yuan worth of gifts to my subordinates. Although I no longer held that position, I was still able to use the company vehicles, and I was given money for transportation expenses if the car was not used. I realized that it was wrong to use the company car for personal use.
I always tried to help out with Dafa projects such as donating money to material production sites or purchasing printing materials. When I met a practitioner who was forced to leave home, I paid for his apartment and often purchased daily necessities for him. Later, through clarifying the truth, this practitioner got back all his withheld wages and he returned all the money other practitioners and I had given him. We gave the money to the material production site.
3. Balancing family relationships
I've always been very impatient and insisted on having things done my way. Even as a child I'd always been arrogant and looked down on others. After I began cultivating, two things happened that stirred up my human notions and attachments.
Just six months after I obtained the Fa, my daughter set her sights on a young man who didn't have a degree and had an abrasive personality. All our relatives and friends were opposed to their relationship and kept phoning me.
When I did the exercises, I could not calm down. Master said,
“You are unable to interfere with the lives of others, and neither can you control others’ fates, including those of your wife, sons, daughters, parents, or brothers. Can you decide those things? Furthermore, how will you practice cultivation if you do not have any worries or troubles? How can you do the exercises comfortably and restfully? How can there be such a thing?” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I felt that my daughter did not respect me and was doing this to deliberately hurt me. Thus, we continued being angry with each other for nearly a year.
Since I couldn't seem to make a breakthrough on my own, Master arranged for a practitioner to help me. The practitioner pointed out that my understanding was not on the Fa, and we studied Zhuan Falun together. Afterwards we talked from ten in the morning to three in the afternoon. Master's Fa was like dew moistening my heart. My thoughts became clear, my anger disappeared, and a wave of heat passed through my whole body. My tears flowed, and there was only one thought in my mind, “Thank you, Master. I have figured it out.” The practitioner also showed me how to send forth righteous thoughts and negate the old forces' arrangements and explained how to validate the Fa.
Thus, the knot that was in my heart for an entire year was dissolved in just a few hours. Once again, I have personally witnessed the greatness of Dafa and no longer hate my daughter and son-in-law and have apologized to them.
After I retired I had to take care of my little granddaughter. Every day I had to buy groceries, do the cooking, and take the child to school. I was so busy I felt like I was running around in circles. I finally asked my daughter-in-law to find someone else, and she became unhappy with me. One day, my granddaughter said to me, “Grandma, you asked me to recite, 'Falun Dafa is good, Zhen-Shan-Ren is good' every day, but you're always frowning. It's not good.” Suddenly I woke up. Master was using my granddaughter's words to criticize me.
After a person takes up cultivation, nothing happens by chance. Everything has a direct relationship with our cultivation. Master said,
“The work and family environments that you spend time in are both settings in which you are to cultivate yourselves, are part of the path you must walk, are what you must handle, and handle correctly at that. None of these should be glossed over.” (“Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006”)
I calmed down and took a serious look at my cultivation: What attachments was I still hanging on to? Behind my seeking pleasure and comfort were selfishness, fame, satisfying self interest, envy, a combative mentality, and other bad substances. Master said,
“The more the junior monk suffers, the easier it is for him to achieve the Unlocking of Gong. The more comfortable the senior monks’ lives are, the harder it is for them to reach the state of Unlocking Gong since there is the issue of karma’s transformation.” (Lecture Seven in Zhuan Falun)
I enlightened that, “These are attachments that I need to eliminate.” I reminded myself, “As cultivators, we must think of others.” After that, I took charge of the housework and my granddaughter began to listen to me. She memorized Hong Yin and learned to follow Truth-Compassion-Forbearance to do things. When I interact with practitioners, I often say that it feels good to be a “junior monk” at home.
4. Clarify the truth and save sentient beings
Master taught us:
“Dafa disciple's responsibilities aren't for the sake of personal Consummation, but to save sentient beings while validating the Fa--that is a Dafa disciple's historic mission, and that is why Dafa disciples are truly magnificent.” (“Touring North America to Teach the Fa”)
Just one month after I obtained the Fa and with the encouragement of a fellow practitioner, I began clarifying the truth.
Clarifying the truth to family members
The startling changes in my health and personality are the best testimony to let my family understand that whatever the CCP says against Dafa are lies. They understand that the “self-immolation” is yet another Party hoax. After I told them about quitting the CCP and how whoever supports Dafa will obtain blessings, they quit the Party and its related organizations and are supportive of my practice. When my parents heard that I began practicing Falun Dafa, they were speechless. My father is very well aware of the CCP's brutality. He sternly said, “Your career is a success. Do not ask for trouble.” I was not moved and continued to visit them and help them with housework. I also brought informational materials about Falun Dafa and the persecution for them to read. My father finally quit the CCP, and now both of them practice.
Clarifying the truth to relatives
I have a huge group of relatives. Some I made a special trip to clarify the truth to, some I talked to at family gatherings, and weddings, and some I explained the truth to when I met them on the street.
My husband's great aunt and I had some misunderstandings in the past caused by her son's work, and there was deep resentment between us. After I began cultivating, I was concerned about her and often cared about her and ultimately our conflict was resolved.
During the tenth anniversary of her husband's death, all her relatives came from several provinces. They included army officers, police officials, business managers, researchers, and teachers. I prepared myself by sending forth righteous thoughts and reciting the Fa on the way there and asked Master to strengthen me. I wished to talk to them about Falun Dafa and the persecution before the banquet started. Master saw that I had this sincere heart and arranged for them to come in separate groups. After I finished talking to one group, another group of relatives came. It seemed as though they were waiting for this opportunity. After they understood the truth, they were glad to quit the Party.
Clarifying the truth to friends and colleagues
I collected the contact information for my colleagues and friends and sent them truth-clarification messages and mailed them materials. When I met them, I clarified the facts again and had positive results. When one of my former supervisors saw me, he commented, “Your complexion is very good now. What cured you?” I said, “I've been practicing Falun Dafa.” I told him how I obtained the Fa, and I let him know the truth about the self-immolation hoax. I talked about the hidden message on the stone that was revealed years ago and suggested he withdraw from the Party to protect himself. After listening carefully, he very respectfully took the Falun Dafa amulet I gave him with both hands. He gave me an alias to use to help him quit the CCP. He then asked me to give him a Dafa book. A few months later, he was promoted.
When I first obtained the Fa, it was painful to eliminate karma. A colleague asked me to come to our company and do some work. In my heart I asked Master to strengthen me so that my thoughts were clear and I could do a good job of validating the Fa. When I arrived, two leaders with whom I had previously worked came to see me. We talked about our health and, naturally, I clarified the truth. They quit the CCP and its related organizations. One of them even invited me to his house to show his wife how to do the exercises. I left Zhuan Falun for them and afterwards his wife's illnesses were cured. After quitting the Party, the other person's chronic insomnia disappeared. On the way home, not only did the painful feeling of sickness I had that morning stop, my cell phone displayed the image of “The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere.” I was excited and grateful to Master for encouraging me.
Clarifying the truth to social groups
Usually, I do the exercises all at once in the morning, and, after I eat breakfast, I study one lecture of Zhuan Falun. When I finish the housework, I go out to clarify the truth in the afternoon, and at night, I read the lectures Master gave at Fa conferences or Minghui Weekly. If I have time, I attend group Fa-study. Before going out to clarify the truth, I send forth righteous thoughts first and bring materials and CDs.
I once saw a farmer carrying a child down the road. I chattered with him and talked to him. After he withdrew from the Party, he mentioned that he'd always wanted to read Zhuan Falun but could not find it anywhere. I wrote down his cell phone number and when I had prepared all the books and materials, I invited another practitioner to come with me. We traveled more than 20 miles to find that farmer. When he got the book, he kept saying, “Thank you! Thank you!” We said, “You must have a predestined relationship. Don't thank us, thank Master, and read the book well.” He said, “Yes, I will. Yes, I will.”
Throughout these years, I have been acutely aware that every step I take is inseparable from Master's protection and inseparable from cultivation as a Dafa disciple. Here, I would like to Heshi to benevolent and mighty Master!
5. Failing to enlighten to “hints”
In the spring of 2009, I established our family material production site. With the help of a practitioner with technical skills, I quickly learned how to download, print, and burn CDs. However, because I did not pay attention to phone safety when contacting practitioners, my gap was exploited by the evil. One night in July 2010, seven people broke into my house and snatched our machines, books, and materials. I was taken to a local police station for two days and later to the detention center for 22 days. Due to high blood pressure, I was “released on bail” and allowed to go home. However, during those days in jail, I struggled to survive and my righteous thoughts were inadequate.
Slowly, my heart calmed down slightly and I remembered that Master said “look inward.” I said to Master, “This is not the place that a Dafa disciple should stay. Even if I have loopholes, the old forces have no right to persecute me. Help me, Master!” When my thoughts changed, Master arranged for two practitioners to be transferred from another jail. We recited the Fa, practiced the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts. We strove to be diligent together during huge difficulties. When I got out, I had a quit-the-Party list with nearly 40 names on it.
After leaving the detention center, new tribulations ensued. The city 610 Office notified my company to send someone to monitor me and suspended my daughter's employment so she could watch over me 24 hours a day. They restricted me from going out for an entire year and took me to the brainwashing center for “transformation.” They threatened to eliminate my position in the company and withhold my employee benefits. They threatened my children and told them they would be held accountable. Facing tremendous pressure, and at the critical period, my righteous thoughts were insufficient. Hence, I wrote the three statements against my will.
After coming back, I reflected on myself. First, I had the attachments of doing things, showing off, zealotry, and treating studying the Fa as a chore and did not study with my heart. I treated clarifying the truth as my talent. Second, I had the mentality of feeling lucky, laziness, and thought, that as a new practitioner, I could neglect safety. Third, I did not like to read the articles about practitioners being persecuted, because I thought they had nothing to do with me. Fourth, I'm vain and was afraid that if I did not write the three statements, I would be reprimanded by my company and criticized by my family. Fifth, I felt complacent and numb and did not enlighten to Master's hints. A few days before I was persecuted, many times, I could not find Dafa content on my phone. I also could not find the money that a practitioner gave to me in exchange for bills with truth-clarifying messages printed on them. I did not think deeply when these things kept happening, so I made a big mistake.
6. Cultivate away the attachment to fear and make amends
After being persecuted, my attachment to fear and the burden of thinking was very heavy. Whenever there was a knock on the door, I felt very anxious and the memory of the police raiding my house still lingered. Not long after, Master arranged for me to meet new practitioners. They were preparing Dafa books, CDs and Minghui Weekly for me. I calmed down and studied the Fa a lot and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the fear.
When the shadow of the persecution begins welling up in my mind, I recall Master's teachings:
“Don't dwell on your past mistakes--if you've made mistakes, then do well from now on. Don't think about the things that have happened. Think about how to do well from now on, and become truly responsible to yourself and to sentient beings.” (“Touring North America to Teach the Fa”)
“As your Master, I have never kept account of the wrong things you have done in your cultivation; I remember only the good things you have done and your accomplishments.” (“Pass the Deadly Test”)
A huge benevolent energy the instantly dispels the gloom in my heart. Every time I remembered Master's words, I could not hold back my countless tears. Now I am back to the state of, “cultivating as if you were just starting” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”). I'm now more rational and cultivate myself well to fulfill my mission to save sentient beings.
Here I would like to thank benevolent and great Master for saving me! Thank you, fellow practitioners! If there is anything inappropriate, kindly point it out. Heshi.