(Minghui.org) After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Dafa practitioners in July 20, 1999, I went to Beijing to appeal many times and had been arrested, detained and sentenced to forced labor on a number of occasions. In July 2009, three CCP officials came to my home, and as soon as they entered they saw Master's photo. They started chatting in low voices.
One of them asked me how old I was and whether I still practiced Falun Dafa. I was very calm and told them peaceful, “It is no use for you to know whether I still practice or how old I am. Let me tell you something useful. You must remember that Falun Dafa is good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance is good.”
They all agreed. They saw a DVD on the desk and asked what it was. I told them it was a Shen Yun performance DVD and I started to play it for them. They watched it a while and asked whether they could take it with them to watch. I agreed. So I gave it to them along with a DVD recording of Dafa practitioners' songs. Before they left, I told them again, “Remember what I told you, and please don't come again.” They agreed and left.
After they left, I saw a pack of my truth-clarifying materials that was right next to the couch which they could easily see. If they searched my home, they could have found a lot of Dafa related materials as soon as they opened a drawer or a cabinet. But they did not touch anything.
From this, I recalled Master's teaching,
“When people who have bad thoughts think about wrong things, under the strong effect of your field they might change their thinking, they might stop having bad thoughts for the time being.” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)
The officials never came back to harass me again.
Master taught us,
“For this reason, all Dafa disciples, students both new and veteran, should get to work and begin comprehensively clarifying the truth. This is especially so for the Dafa disciples in mainland China: each must come out and clarify the truth, bringing it to every field and valley, mountain and hill, not omitting a single area where there are people.” (“Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World’s People”, The Essentials of Diligent Progress VOL. III)
With the progress of Fa-Rectification, more and more practitioners have started to clarify the truth to the public. The local materials production site could not supply enough for the demand. So I also wanted to establish a materials production site and share the burden of making materials.
I am 69 years old and I never touched a computer. But I felt I could do it, and that I was capable enough. If others could do it, why couldn't I? Besides, my daughter used computers. I had advantages that other practitioners did not. This gave me ample confidence.
However, during my learning process with my daughter, things became complicated, with many tests arising to test my xinxing. I passed various tests again and again. Later I understood that those were all caused by my human notions. I had many attachments such as validating myself, looking down on others and arrogance. All these attachments came out while I learned the new skills.
For example, just after I learned something and my daughter left, I had difficulty remembering and did not know what to do. So I had to ask her again. This time I wrote down the steps in detail, such as what button to press and what windows and icons were on the screen. When she taught me how to browse the Internet, I wrote down notes.
But then she stated to talk about downloading and I was still trying to understand browsing the Internet, so when I tried to download, I did not know what to do. I had to ask her again. She told me very impolitely, “Why aren't you telling the truth? I just taught you how to download, so how could you say I did not teach you?” I replied that I did not hear it. She said, “If you want to learn, you should focus, otherwise don't bother.”
Every time I asked for help, she replied impatiently. When she got angry with me, I did not fight back since I was afraid she'll stop teaching me. This was fear. But in my mind I thought, “How could a daughter treat their mom like that? If I did not cultivate Dafa, I would never let you treat me like this.” Every time she criticized me, I always tolerated it. But in my mind, I thought, “As soon as I learn, I won't need you anymore and I will not tolerate this behavior.” Also I accidentally deleted things and got stuck without knowing what to do. When I asked her for help, she said, “Just follow what I taught you. If you don't know how to do it, don't do it.” She often criticized my ability to learn, so I was afraid of making mistakes and lost confidence. I had the attachment of relying on her.
Once she got mad at me again and said, “If you can do it, just do it. If you cannot, then don't do it. You can't always rely on other people.” I replied patiently, “I never learned this before.” She became angry, “Everyone has their first time to learn. When I first learned it, I could do it after they told me once.” Then she left.
My heart was painful and I started to cry. I thought, “I want to do something to save sentient beings. How could you treat me like this every time. No one else treats me like this. If I did not cultivate Dafa, I would never let you treat me like this. Maybe I should not do it.” But I thought again, “If I do not do it, how could I be worthy of Master's arrangements in this environment?”
For a few days, my daughter did not come. During those few days, I also looked inward to find my attachments. There is nothing wrong with learning computer skills in order to save the sentient beings. But why were there so many troubles? Master told us to look inward and think of others first while doing things. So I started to look inward with a calm mind and truly found a lot of attachments.
First of all, my thoughts from the beginning did not conform with the Fa. I felt good about myself and looked down on others. I did not ask for help in a humble manner, but expected my daughter to patiently teach me. Then I had thoughts of jealousy, “If there was another person, I wouldn't need to ask for your help.” I also had show off mentality and wanted to show her that I could do it even without her help. How could I do the work well with so many attachments? As a practitioner, I should eliminate all my attachments. Master said,
“I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across—even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are—to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what’s most important.
If you are able to succeed in improving yourself this way, what you do then, with a pure heart, will be the best and most sacred.” (“Further Understanding”, Essentials for Further Advancement)
I did not think of others at all, and just was concerned with how others treated me. I did not look at things from others' perspective. Actually my daughter was a practitioner and cultivated well. She never kept the know-how to herself and completely shared with others. She patiently taught other practitioners, and is also busy with her own family and work. When practitioners asked her for help, she was always available. The reason she treated me like this was because Master used this opportunity to get rid of my attachments and let me improve myself.
After I understood this, I felt relieved. A few days later, my daughter came to visit me again. I asked her, “Could you please help me? The computer had some issues again.” She turned on the computer but found everything was fine. But her attitude was different from before. I wondered why the computer functioned normal as soon as she came, but then understood that this was to get rid of my attachment of relying on others.
Since then I have gotten rid of my attachment of relying on others. I now think of others first and look inward when problems happen. I would also ask for Master's help and normally the problem would be resolved. Sometimes I needed to ask others for help, but I also became more and more competent in operating the computer. Right now I can basically operate my materials production site independently.