(Minghui.org) I had a dream one night, in which many people scolded me. A voice told me distinctly: “Your ego is too big!” I woke up from the dream, surprised. I’ve been doing all three things, was even putting in more time on more truth-clarification projects—how could I have a dream like this?
I then recalled: each time a fellow practitioner couldn’t overcome his tribulation, I would share my experience with him or her to offer encouragement. However, I considered my own tribulations unfair hardship. I thought that I had had such a hard life, that all the humiliations were something people at my age shouldn’t have to bear.
However, the fact of the matter was that I didn't fundamentally understand the truth of cultivation—nothing happens by chance.
My supervisor at work attended a banquet recently. Nobody else was there when he arrived. A colleague and I had worked together to make all the banquet arrangement, but the supervisor called me and asked me if I got the time wrong.
I was not happy: Why did the supervisor call me, as if I were the one who made the mistake? However, in hindsight, I realized that my jealousy caused this to happen. I was jealous of my colleague because I thought that she was very capable, pretty and articulate. I was even happy that she finally made a mistake when I first heard the news that no one was present when my supervisor arrived at the event.
When I first started at this job, colleagues often talked behind my back, telling our boss that I wasn't capable. I often had to work overtime. Still, I wasn't able to complete some work on time. In addition, I was criticized a lot. I didn't know what to do.
On the surface, my difficult situation came about because I wasn't adept in company politics. I didn't know to align myself with the right power groups. I didn’t realize that as a cultivator, having a hard time was an opportunity to improve my xinxing and eliminate karma. I didn't take my problems as cultivation issues and address them correctly.
Although I still did the three things, I formed new attachments—the sentiment of protecting myself, of not wanting to be hurt by others, being suspicious and not trusting what others said to me. With these attachments I was defending the old cosmos' ways unknowingly.
Under such circumstances, when I saw a fellow practitioner facing hardships, I was worried that their righteous thoughts might not be strong enough, and therefore they would suffer the same as I.
Unfortunately, what I did was unintentionally size up others' cultivation path with my own notions. In other words, I was using human notions to look at other practitioners’ cultivation state.
But every practitioner’s cultivation path is arranged by Master and I am not able to know for sure what attachments they need to remove. When I looked inside, I found a major loophole in myself!
Since I haven’t cultivated for very long, whenever I encountered a tribulation that I couldn’t pass, I developed a habit: I’d go talk veteran practitioners who I felt had cultivated well.
New Practitioner A who had been practicing for less than a week suddenly developed sickness karma and had a high temperature. Practitioner B, who I felt cultivated well, said to A, “You have to make it through. One practitioner had diabetes before cultivating, and later he had hematuria, but because he had faith in Master, he was fine in the end. There’s one kind of person who can be in the most danger: those who hold on to their human side while clinging to Dafa. You must have faith in Master.”
Practitioner B's words sounded very righteous, but A stopped coming to the group exercise site after this conversation. There might be many reasons why A didn't return, but I felt that there was something not quite right in what B said to A.
For a long time, I didn't dare to mention my concerns to B. Because if I mentioned them to him, I thought that he would keep telling me his understanding of the Fa. He would then likely point out that I hadn't cultivated for long and that I needed to study the Fa more, be righteous, or even hint that I might not be a Fa-rectification Period Dafa disciple.
I hesitated: “I don’t want to have a conflict with other practitioners, but should I tell him how I feel?”
I finally mustered up the courage and said to him, “From the Fa, we all know that Master will arrange each practitioner’s tests according to his or her xinxing level. You said you were afraid that practitioner A could not overcome the test; could it be possible that your concern affected him? Everyone has their own path to eliminate karma. Practitioner A had diabetes, will he have hematuria? Might it be possible that you imposed your notions on A?” Practitioner B listened and but didn’t say anything.
A Minghui.org article mentioned a practitioner who had severe sickness karma. Their local Fa study group all looked within and found the gaps in their own cultivation, after which the practitioner’s illusory karmic tribulation disappeared. They realized it was the old forces that created this tribulation for the practitioner, which was a form of interference, to see whether others could look within to find their attachments.
I came to realize that we are on the cultivation path that Master has arranged for us. If we just do things according to other practitioners’ suggestions that would be asking other practitioners to cultivate for us.
Did I truly remember to look within according to the Fa, to reflect upon my own cultivation to see whether I conform to the Fa? The right way is to have righteous thoughts and righteous actions.
When I thought the other practitioner had cultivated well, is it because I only felt that his view and outlook conformed to my way of thinking?
Indeed, practitioner B has been diligent in Dafa projects and is determined to clarify the truth. His understanding of the Fa appears to be good. However, if we praise him all the time, and say that we want to do as well as he does, we may be harming him by making it difficult for him to see his shortcomings.
Remembering at All Times that One Is a Dafa Disciple
A former colleague came to my workplace several times recently to meet with me. At first, I thought that he wanted to sell insurance to me or borrow money from me.
It turned out that he just wanted to confirm one thing. He said that two years ago I had said something to him. He wanted to find all the people who were present during our conversation. He also said that he was ill and had a bad memory, but he remembered what he had said to me.
I simply couldn’t remember what I had said to him. How could anyone remember a casual conversation from such a long time ago? Since I started cultivation a few years ago, I am disturbed by what ordinary people say, but after we spoke, I felt my heart beating rapidly.
I was nervous, fearful, defensive, and started thinking about what might happen next. Later he came to see me again. He was fidgety but didn't say anything and was then in a rush to leave. I didn’t behave like a cultivator. I said to him, “Don’t come see me again. I don’t even know you well. I may sue you for harassment if you don't stop.” I even shouted at him.
I later became even afraid of the phone ringing, thinking that the call might be from him. My heart was in turmoil for more than ten days. I felt completely uneasy, so I went to seek out a practitioner to talk to.
The practitioner said, “Do you think that there may be some impurities within your dimensional field that require cleansing? Send righteous thoughts more. Also didn’t he come to listen to the facts of Dafa from you?” I was shaken after I heard this.
Master said:
“We all know that we are cultivating. Since it’s cultivation, nothing on our path of cultivation is coincidental.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in New Zealand”)
I finally came to realize that because of my previous suffering, I had become suspicious and afraid. This kind of behavior is aligned with the old cosmos’ selfish nature.
Didn't this mean that I wasn’t being a true person? I didn’t consider my former colleague's position or feelings, but rather, I pushed him away—wasn't it I who wasn't compassionate? Also, I rarely spoke of the greatness of Dafa to people around me. Wasn't I failing to fulfill my vow and responsibility to clarify the truth?
I took the initiative to invite this colleague over after a while. I said to him, “Did you know I’ve cultivated Falun Gong for many years. This is a high level Buddha School cultivation practice; people practice it in 100 countries around the world. By improving one’s moral character, one can achieve the goal of health and fitness. You said you are ill; if you want, you can practice Falun Gong. There are practice sites all over Taiwan.”
He was touched by what I said. He told me that he hadn't thought that Falun Gong was good. After the persecution began in July 1999, all the news media said Falun Gong was bad, but after listening to me he learned the truth.
I continued to talk to him, telling him how the Tiananmen self-immolation incident was a hoax staged by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and that Falun Gong practitioners are the victims of forced organ harvesting by the CCP.
He was surprised. I said to him, “Falun Gong practitioners follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, are considerate of others, think of others first, and are selfless. I do hope you recover soon; let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
By the end of our meeting, he took some Dafa materials. He told me before he left that he traveled 180km (over 100 miles) by train to meet with me. At a group Fa study a few days later, we came to the following passage when it was my turn to read aloud:
“Veteran students all know about this. Sometimes they had nightmares and ran into bizarre things. Those things are in fact all reflections of the fact that you are going beyond being an ordinary person and that your gratitude and grievances from the past need to be settled.”
“But Master will protect you from all of that, so what happens will seem threatening but you will not be in any danger. No matter what, as a Dafa disciple, you should have strong righteous thoughts and handle these things as a cultivator would.” (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
I couldn't hold back my tears.
For a long time, I was always afraid that people around me didn’t understand Dafa, so I was hesitant to clarify the truth. I forgot that all the people in the world came for the Fa.
Due to my human thoughts, I didn’t talk about Dafa to more people. Today I’d like to take this opportunity to reveal areas where I have have fallen short and to share and encourage other practitioners. Together we can all do better at the three things, and fulfill our historic vows.
Above is my understanding of the Fa at my current, limited level. Please point out anything inappropriate.
Category: Improving Oneself
