(Minghui.org) For a period of time, I stayed someplace which was not my local area and participated in the group sharing with the practitioners there. Later, more than ten practitioners from that area were arrested.
During the time I stayed there, the Minghui website kept publishing articles criticizing activities which undermined the Fa. The articles seemed to be targeting the group of practitioners I was staying with. I felt very uncomfortable and wrote to Minghui to explain that we were not causing trouble. However, Minghui did not make any changes regarding this issue. I felt even more depressed.
Last year, the large scale arrest happened. Some practitioners in my local area reminded me to look inward. Instead of listening, I felt irritated and even argued with them.
Fortunately, I still kept studying the Fa. Through Master's merciful hints, I eventually found many of my loopholes.
1. Listening to Another Practitioner's Sharing and Looking to Follow a Shortcut in Cultivation I met practitioner A through a friend. For quite some time, I did not always see new Fa principles when I studied Zhuan Falun . After listening to practitioner A talking about his experiences, I was very much inspired. I even stopped being sleepy during Fa study, and began to enjoy Fa study again. As a result, I developed an attachment to listening to more sharing, instead of firmly remembering what Master taught: "One’s gong level is as high as one’s xinxing level..." (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun) and focusing on cultivating my own xinxing. I rented a room in that area, so I could listen to what practitioner A had to say.
While I stayed there, I studied and recited the Fa every day, and felt I was improving very rapidly. I often went to practitioner A to ask about his understanding of certain paragraphs in the Fa. I even tried my best to remember his understanding and repeat it to others. I soon began to have problems. Whenever I studied Zhuan Falun , the understanding of practitioner A always jumped into my mind, blocking my ability to understand the Fa for myself.
Later, the arrests took place.
After practitioner A was arrested, I looked forward to his release, so that I could listen to his understandings again. Without A to listen to, I went to other practitioners that I believed had better understandings than mine to listen to what they had to say. Now I realize I wished to follow an easy path, but did not want to cultivate myself diligently. Meanwhile, my behavior nurtured the attachments of showing off and zealotry among fellow practitioners.
Practitioner A did very well, showed strong righteous thoughts, and helped many practitioners in different places improve, eliminate the evil forces and save sentient beings. This made me admire him so much. I felt fearless around him and the group in which we both participated. I even felt I would not encounter any persecution and any problem would be resolved if only I stayed with them. I tried my best to stay with him so that I could be "free of eliminating the mentality of fear", and could follow his arrangement. By doing this I wasn't walking my own path, and forgot the principle of walking “the great way without form.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America” 1998)
Out of this heart of admiration, whenever I saw problems in practitioner A's cultivation, I didn't dare to or didn't want to tell him. Sometimes when I pointed things out to him but he refused to listen, I lacked confidence and thought I must be wrong. For example, A encouraged fellow practitioners to break away from their families. I did not visit my parents for a long time, which caused them to complain. I also cut off almost all my friends, and stayed in that place, refusing to go back to my own city. But I did not realize that my behavior was against the Fa. My heart of admiration finally also harmed fellow practitioners, including the practitioner whom I admired.
3. Looking Down on Local Practitioners For quite a long time I thought I had enlightened to many high-level principles of the Fa, and thought the understanding of fellow practitioners from my local area was not that high. I then developed a heart of looking down on others, and was always wanting to "help them improve". When I was criticized by local practitioners, I was irritated and left them, thinking they were not "qualified" to criticize me. I then separated myself from local practitioners.
Later, I studied the Fa, "A student’s cultivation is arranged systematically by my Law Bodies. It is only that some students don’t know this or they remain unaware of it." ("A Heavy Blow" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master asked us to form one body, but I went against Master's request and was being manipulated by my own notions and attachments without realizing it. The separation between myself and fellow practitioners caused us to fail to cooperate well in stopping the persecution and saving sentient beings.
After the arrests happened, fellow practitioners from my local area set aside their complaints about me and asked me to help coordinate their rescue. However, I still thought they didn't understand the Fa clearly and were not capable of carrying out the rescue well, so I rejected their plans. Because of this, the entire rescue effort slowed down.
Faced with all these conflicts, I realized the seriousness of our situation and began to study the Fa a lot. Merciful Master continuously gave me hints, which helped me keep rectifying myself. Now I've understood: all the conflicts happened because I didn't look inward and used Fa principles to measure others. I also understood I must eliminate my mentality of admiration, of competitiveness and looking down on others. I realized that I was only a small particle in the great Fa and whatever I had enlightened to was so shallow and so low. Now, I'm harmoniously walking the path together with fellow practitioners in my local area. Thank you benevolent Master! You saved me again from the brink of danger.
The above is my understanding on several issues. Please compassionately point out anything inappropriate.