(Minghui.org) I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1996. I would like to share some of my experiences of looking inward.
I encouraged another practitioner to step forward to talk to people about Falun Gong and the persecution and advise them to see clearly the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) for what it is and quit its affiliated organizations. When doing so, I learned how to look within.
When we shared our experiences of clarifying the truth and advising people to quit the CCP organizations in our Fa study group, Qing was always quiet. I asked her to tell her experiences, and she answered, "I don't know how to speak to people about this. I tried to learn from several other practitioners but failed. I tried once to speak. I just said a few sentences and the person shouted, 'I don't understand what you are talking about!' After that I couldn't do it again." I suggested we try together the next day if she would like. She agreed and seemed confident.
We went out together the next day. I talked to people, and Qing listened and helped by sending forth righteous thoughts. When people agreed to quit, she recorded their names. When no one was around, we exchanged our thoughts on how to better convey the facts to people.
After a few days of going out together, I suggested, "How about you try to talk and let me send forth righteous thoughts?" We came to the border of the city and saw a woman in her 30s washing clothes. I signaled Qing to go talk to her. Qing went and talked to her and the woman nodded and agreed to quit the Young Pioneers, one of the CCP organizations.
However, when Qing asked for her name, the woman refused to give it. Qing stood there and did not know what to do. I hurried over and told the woman, "Remember Falun Dafa is good. It will bring you peace during disaster. How about quitting the Young Pioneers under the name 'Shuihua' (meaning 'water flower')?" She was very happy: "Sure. That name sounds so pretty."
When the lady left, Qing said happily, "Now I can help people to quit the CCP, too!" Afterwards things went smoothly. Seeing the list of those who had withdrawn from the CCP organizations grow longer and longer, we forgot about feeling tired and only felt happy.
One day Qing told me, "I went out yesterday, and I helped six people quit." I said, "That's great, keep going. You are on the right path."
But something happened unexpectedly. One day after group Fa study, a practitioner said to Qing, "The two of you did a great job of clarifying the facts. You've helped a lot of people quit the Party." Qing's answer shocked me and made me feel very uncomfortable. She said, "If I had not organized the Fa study group in my home, she (meaning me) would not have gone out with me to do truth clarification work, would she?"
Then a sentence from Zhuan Falun that we had just studied came to my mind:
"This is because when a conflict occurs, it will take place unexpectedly. But that is not a coincidence—it is for improving your xinxing. As long as you treat yourself as a practitioner, you can handle it properly." ( Zhuan Falun )
I calmed down. I realized this had happened to help me improve my xinxing. Teacher said: "For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool. " ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference")
I thought carefully. I'd participated in this Fa study group for quite a while. I only wanted to gain from the good environment other practitioners provided, but I hadn't improved along with them. Wasn't I being selfish? Because Qing blamed me in front of others, I felt I lost face. I had such an attachment to self!
This incident touched me deeply, and I saw different attachments that I hadn't yet let go of: showing off, feeling I'm better than others, not liking to be criticized, and so on. I saw them clearly, and I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate them.
Because I finally looked inward, Teacher helped me get rid of bad elements. I felt uplifted. After that, Qing and I continued to cooperate with each other. We try to save as many people as we can all year long, from hot summers to cold winters.
One day I visited Hua, another practitioner. We were talking about saving people when she suddenly said, "I'm going to the hospital, I've already packed." I was shocked and asked, "What happened?" She said, "It's a gynecological problem. I've been bleeding for years." She showed me a stack of test results. I got really worried about her cultivation and said, "Please remember a true practitioner does not get sick! Teacher told us that clearly in the Fa." She replied, "I know. But I still would like to go to the hospital."
I was not only worried but also angry: "You were lucky enough to have attended Teacher's lecture in person. But you do not believe in Teacher and the Fa when faced with the illusion of sickness karma. Think about it!" After I accused her, I left angrily.
On the empty road, the cold wind calmed me down. I asked myself, "What did you do? Your fellow practitioner is experiencing a tribulation of sickness karma. You should help her from the point of the Fa and help her to pass this test instead of being angry at her and blaming her. Were you helping or harming her?"
I decided to visit her again. As soon as I entered her home the next day I said, "Yesterday I was rude, please forgive me. Let's sit down and look for the root of your sickness karma. You should not go to the hospital. Believe in Teacher and believe in the Fa. You can pass this tribulation."
We started to look for attachments. I asked her if this was the one, and she shook her head. I asked about another one, and she shook her head again. I remembered that she often complained that her husband did not care about the family. I then asked if she had resentment. She lowered her head and became quiet. I said, "Work hard and eliminate this attachment."
I suggested that at this key moment she should put down everything else and concentrate on studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and looking inward.
Two days later I visited her again. I was shocked when I saw her. She looked like a completely new person! She said excitedly, "Dafa is extraordinary! After I found the attachment of resentment, I tried to eliminate it. I bled less and less as I let go of my grudge against my husband, and now it has stopped. Looking inward is so powerful!"
After I returned home, I found I could not go on the Minghui website. I took the computer to Hua's home and asked her for help since she knew about computers. She said, "It's too much trouble. You'd better ask another practitioner for help." I did not say anything but I was not happy. I thought, "When you were in trouble, I helped you. Now when I need help, you think it's too much trouble!"
I took the computer home. I realized what happened was not accidental and it was time for me to improve my xinxing. I opened Zhuan Falun. My eyes stopped at the topic "Attachment of Zealotry."
"In other matters and in the course of cultivation practice, one should be sure to not develop the attachment of zealotry—this mentality can be very easily taken advantage of by demons." (Zhuan Falun)
I thought, "The fellow practitioner improved her xinxing and passed her test. That showed Teacher's mercy and Dafa's power. I only did a little bit of what I should have done to help. Why did I get zealous? Maybe the computer problem was related to my zealotry."
I turned the computer on again. This time I had no problem accessing Minghui. Thanks to Teacher who is so merciful. I now understood more about "You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao." (Zhuan Falun)
I came to understand that when we try to save people, we must truly cultivate ourselves. We must believe in Teacher and the Fa, look inward, improve xinxing, and do the three things well. By doing so we can become more stable on our road of Fa validation.