(Minghui.org) Master said, “...the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun)
During the past years of my cultivation, it was very hard to let go of many of my attachments.
My second husband and I have a daughter and he has two children from a prior marriage. I wanted to be a good wife because I did not want to go through a divorce again. But, I led a troubled life because of my attachments.
My husband was the eldest of six brothers and sisters and they all came to our home on the holidays. I remember one New Year's Eve, I had prepared a lot of food, but my husband's sister and his sister-in-law did not like anything. For about 20 years, I was under great pressure. Sometimes, I complained to my husband, but he always took their side.
Two years ago, they had dinner during the Chinese New Year at my house. After the dinner I wanted to tell my sister-in-law about Falun Dafa, but she cut me short and told me that she only visited her brother and had nothing to do with me.
My husband's sister wanted to bring her son to our home for the Mid-Autumn Festival. I told my husband that I treated his brothers and sisters so well over the years. I did my best being a good sister-in-law and step mother. Since your sister does not like me, why does she still come to our home. He got mad and asked me to leave him alone.
I was frustrated and did not feel well. This alerted me that there must be a loophole in my cultivation. Therefore, I studied the Fa a lot and shared with fellow practitioners. I realized that I did many things wrong and felt regretful.
Master said:"For a long period of time the sentient beings in Dafa, especially the disciples, have had a misunderstanding of the Fa at various levels regarding xinxing improvement. Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and have prevented them from doing Fa-rectification.” (“Expounding on the Fa” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I realized that I was afraid that my husband's family might say something negative about Dafa, so I treated them well. However, the fundamental problem was that I was afraid that my husband would be dissatisfied with me and that my sister-in-law would bad mouth me in front of my husband.
My xinxing improved after I found my loopholes, but a new test came soon. My sister-in-law's son got married and the entire family came for the wedding. My sister-in-law arranged for five people to stay at our home and about 9 people came to us for meals. She was still very selfish, but I did not blame her. I did what I could and to my surprise, no one complained.
I was not tired despite that the crowd ate at my house. I let some of the guests stay in my master bedroom. All my husband's brothers and sisters were moved. One of his sisters watched a Shen Yun DVD. After the wedding, my sister-in-law thanked me a few times.
She used to watch me closely, because she did not want me to tell her son the facts about Falun Gong. I gave her son a USB drive. This included an e-book and a video, and the software to break through the Chinese Internet blockade. She did not interfere. My husband also changed a lot. He finally smiled when fellow practitioners came and visited me.
Once I let go of my attachments, my family life became harmonious. Now, I understand that only by cultivating ourselves well can we save sentient beings.
Practitioner A used to be our local coordinator. She was actually a good practitioner, but I always looked at her weaknesses and also discussed them with fellow practitioners, who knew her. I thought I was responsible for her. However, I did not realize that I was attached too much to her weaknesses. My complaints about her had already formed a deep misunderstanding between us.
Master said,
“You have grown used to focusing on other people's shortcomings, and never take examining your own self seriously. When others' cultivation one day meets with success, what about you? Isn't Master hoping that you are cultivating well?” (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
I studied the Fa and looked inward. I felt my xinxing improving. I felt very regretful about my actions. I went to share with her and studied the Fa with her. She said that she heard that I said lots of bad things about her behind her back.
I realized because I was attached to her weaknesses and did not cultivate myself well, she disliked me more and more.
Master said:
“No matter what happens, nobody should be affected inside. Each student should think only of giving help as a Dafa disciple as he's able, and there is nothing to get worked up about. Even if you can't help that person you should still face this issue with righteous thoughts. Continue to do whatever you are supposed to. Don't become attached to it by looking at it in a human way, don't make these problems worse in your minds, look very righteously at how it relates to everything else and don't think of it as being very important, and be very calm." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005”)
After studying the Fa, some practitioners realized that there was no role model in cultivation practice. Some practitioners realized that cultivation is serious. Other practitioners realized that we should compassionately point out others' weaknesses and be more diligent.
Once, a practitioner said something very harsh to me. When I left her home, I could not hold back my tears. I thought that there must be some reason why she treated me that way. I looked inward. I understood that it was because I wanted her to respect me as I was her senior. I also thought I was right and wanted to validate myself.
Master said, “...looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
I will take advantage of every opportunity to improve my xinxing. I will let go of my attachments and cultivate myself well. I will fulfill my responsibilities as a Falun Gong practitioner.